Podcast 6: Choose Positive Reinforcement

My Coffee Break Podcast

Welcome to the My Coffee Break Podcast! We're married, black belts, business owners and parent's. In this episode, Maggie and Daniel discuss why you should try to catch your kids doing something right, what it's like to work with their spouse, and our Martial Arts life skill this month: Honesty.

Black Belt Parenting Tip: Use Positive Reinforcement

Tips for using Positive Reinforcement more effectively:

1) Give yourself credit for getting close to the target (pitfall - not giving yourself or your child any credit for anything less than perfect performance)

2) Give your kids healthy treats - not bribes

Examples of healthy treats that work well with kids

• Praise
• Smiles
• Eye contact
• Hugs
• Positive words like "great job!" "Wow!" "I'm so proud of you!"
• Clapping
• High Fives
• Dance Party
• Go for a walk, bike ride, or fun adventure

3) Say "Yes" or other affirmative words and avoid "No" or negative words

• Say Yes and clarify expectations
• Give credit for what you/your child has already done
• Avoid phrases like "way to not be bad" instead shoot for, "I see how you're trying your best!"

4) Positive reinforcement helps your child be more successful because you're looking for them to succeed instead of expecting them to fail

For more on the science and methods of Positive Reinforcement check out Karen Pryor's book Don't Shoot the Dog

Business and Life: Lessons from working with your spouse

1. Not doing something your way is not the same as doing it the wrong way
2. Let go of the need to be a Control Enthusiast
3. When you need to correct or offer feedback, let your partner/spouse save face. Another way we put this is to correct privately.
4. If there's not an immediate safety concern, the feedback can probably wait

Life Skill Training in the Martial Arts: Honesty

This month we're focusing on the life skill of honesty in our Martial Arts academy. We wanted to share and discuss some ideas that have stuck out to us after talking about Honesty for a month:

1. Honesty isn't just telling the truth
2. We need to be honest with ourselves
3. Honesty doesn't require that we be cynical
4. Be careful what you tell yourself because you might believe the story you tell yourself.
5. We need to be honest about why we're doing what we're doing and make sure we don't put expectations on an experience that the experience or achievement can't give you

Fun with Coffee:

How Coffee Loves us Back from the Harvard Gazette

Stay in touch!

Facebook: @MasterYourselfMartialArts

Twitter: @TitusvilleATA

Instagram: @Mr_Penton and @Pentonator

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