#118 - How Your Boundaries Get Calibrated

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By Vicki Tidwell Palmer, LCSW, Vicki Tidwell Palmer, and LCSW. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

Before we get into the main part of this episode, I have a big announcement! Starting in February, I’ll be offering monthly workshops to support you as you work your way through the 5-Step Boundary Solution process.

Sign up for workshop updates and more details using this link!

The idea of calibration is a hugely important one when you’re doing boundary work. This scale for what is standard or normal affects so many parts of our lives, from our initial reactions to people all the way to who we choose to date or to partner with. But just because you’re calibrated in a certain way regarding boundaries, it doesn’t mean you’re fated to stay there forever. You can change your calibration in a positive way, and this episode will help you get started.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #118:

  • The calibration we receive as children has many consequences over our lives. We are calibrated by our family around our own boundaries. For example, if we grow up in a boundary-less family, that will feel like "the norm" or standard to us.
  • The way in which we are calibrated largely determines the people who we are attracted to, as well as the people who we feel repelled by. This explains why people often partner with people who are similar to their parents.
  • Calibration isn’t static, and it can change. If you grew up in a family on the boundary-less end of the continuum and struggle to set boundaries with people, you can actively start to work on your boundaries.
  • Calibration can change in the other direction too, with us becoming desensitized over time.

Highlights from Episode #118:

  • Vicki welcomes listeners to the show and wishes everyone a happy New Year! She then shares the exciting announcement that she hinted at in the last episode of 2020. [00:39]
  • Today’s episode is about calibration, Vicki explains, and chats about what that means. [03:32]
  • We learn that there are three reasons why we’re generally most impressionable (in terms of calibration) when we’re children. [07:38]
  • Vicki gives an overview of how calibration relates to boundaries in terms of standards. [10:01]
  • How you’re calibrated can affect how you react to people, Vicki explains. [14:49]
  • We hear some good news and some bad news about calibration. [20:46]
  • How do you change your calibration in a positive way once you become aware of it? [24:55]
  • Vicki talks about some simple ways for how to shift from being boundary-less to the healthy middle. [29:08]

Links and Resources:

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