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A weekly Criminal Minds Podcast - Hosted by Ronnie & Jazz
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Deliver The Profile
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Deliver The Profile Episode 221: Chiraq
1:18:27
1:18:27
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1:18:27
The boys' trip to Chicago concludes in a weird episode about an unsub killing at the behest of an Internet radio show. Hey, we don't write this shit. Potentially more interesting is a subplot in which Rossi meets with his third ex-wife because she wants him to attend his daughter's wedding. The thing is, the husband to be might be an unsub in the m…
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Deliver The Profile: Kino Korner: Jurassic World Dominion
2:21:43
2:21:43
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Ronnie and Jazz go to the movies, and this time it's the abominable locust themed film Jurassic World Dominion. To quote William Hurt in A History of Violence, "HOWWWW do you fuck THAT up?", that referring to a movie about dinosaurs in an uneasy coexistence with humans? Listen to the podcast to find out!…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 220: Abducted in Plain Sight
1:28:40
1:28:40
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"Where's Hotch?" is over, so the boys are taking a two part trip to Chicago baby, Chi-ca-go. In "The Return", children are being recruited by some sort of boogerman to commit violent crimes against the police. This is stupid for a number of reasons, as Ronnie and Jazz will point out in the podcast, but "The Return" is an opportunity for Morgan to r…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 219: "Creeps"
1:17:21
1:17:21
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1:17:21
"Where's Hotch?" comes to an end and finally Ronnie and Jazz can stop with the Season 12 episodes already. "Elliott's Pond" is about some kids who go missing in a case that resembles an earlier child abduction. Wrapped up in all of this is Neil Phipps, the creep from Eagleheart. Will they find the kids or will their pictures end up on the "unavenge…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 218: The Minotaur
1:16:58
1:16:58
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In "The Anti-Terror(ism) Squad" the most vulnerable of us all are targeted: bullies. Will the Mindsers stop the threat to our treasured bullies or will, as is what usually happens, a bunch of people die until they ultimately stop an unsub that's holding someone at gunpoint? Ronnie tries to convince Jazz all this episode is missing is the mythical c…
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Deliver The Profile Minisode 6: Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness
30:06
30:06
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Ronnie tells Jazz about the time he went to go see the latest Marvel masterpiece, Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness.
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Deliver The Profile Episode 217: Brother's Creeper
1:18:08
1:18:08
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"Where's Hotch" continues with a tale as old as time: the collector of body parts who starts chucking them everywhere. Who is he, and does he have a brother? That's what the BAU intends to find out, and Ronnie and Jazz just want to make fun of the whole process.
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Deliver The Profile Episode 216: Step Counts
1:18:31
1:18:31
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Ronnie and Jazz do an episode of Criminal Minds about the craze sweeping the nation: incest. In "Taboo", the unsub wants to fuck his mother, and his mother wants to fuck everyone due to her brain damage. It's complicated.
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Deliver The Profile Episode 215: Sicko Day
1:23:12
1:23:12
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Here it is, folks: the final episode of Aaron Hotchner's storied FBI career. Of course it wasn't designed that way, which the hosts will delve into over the course of "Sick Day", which nominally is a JJ episode. I know, I know, but we'll get through it together.
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Deliver The Profile: Kino Korner: Sonic the Hedgehog 2
2:00:38
2:00:38
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2:00:38
Ronnie and Jazz review a sicko for adults only film, Sonic the Hedgehog 2.
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Deliver The Profile Gimme Morbius Episode 1: Morbius
2:04:59
2:04:59
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The boys review the most anticipated film of 2022, Morbius.
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Deliver The Profile Episode 214: Storm's Coming, Yo!
1:44:12
1:44:12
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Deliver The Profile is FINALLY back to, well, delivering the profile with the Season 11 finale, "The Storm"! How was this not Hotch's exit? What exactly do the writers think anarchy is? Do "serial killer wings" of prisons exist? This episode confounded the boys, so expect more questions. Also: Ronnie got a new TV and Ronnie tries to explain NFTs to…
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Deliver The Profile Kino Korner: The Batman
2:27:29
2:27:29
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Ronnie and Jazz forgot the premise of their own show so it's another movie episode. This time it's THE BATMAN, the 70th film adaptation of the DC Comics character created by Bob Kane and Bob Kane only. Why does Riddler look like a Trailer Park Boys character? Why does Catwoman look like Aubrey Plaza in Ingrid Goes West? Why does Penguin... why does…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 213: Profiling 202, Reid!
1:20:34
1:20:34
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1:20:34
Ronnie and Jazz finally wrap up the Saga of the Womb Raider.
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Deliver The Profile Kino Korner: Uncharted
2:01:55
2:01:55
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Ronnie tortures Jazz by making him watch, and then talk about, the adaptation of one of his favorite video game franchises. Ronnie tortures himself by watching a movie anchored by Tom Holland and Mark Wahlberg. No one wins, except you, the listeners.
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Deliver The Profile Kino Korner: Moonfall
1:56:31
1:56:31
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1:56:31
The boys review Roland Emmerich's latest, Moonfall. Is this the dumbest movie ever? Yes. Is it also entertaining? Yes.
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Deliver The Profile Minisode #5: Nothing Ever Ends
41:16
41:16
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41:16
Ronnie and Jazz spend 40 minutes discussing the implications of Paramount Plus' revival of Criminal Minds getting a second wind.
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Deliver The Profile Episode 212: Profiling 101, Reid!
1:33:42
1:33:42
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1:33:42
Rossi teaches an undergraduate class about the Womb Raider in "Profiling 101", a format breaking episode that reminds us that format breaking doesn't necessarily mean good. Why name an unsub after a Tomb Raider porn parody? Also: Ronnie and Jazz went to see Scream aka 5Cream. That it wasn't its own episode or minisode speaks to how non-essential it…
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Deliver The Profile The REAL Episode 211: On The Ethics Of Buying A Monkey
1:18:07
1:18:07
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A few weeks ago I screwed up and mislabeled an episode as #211. Well, this is the actual 211, folks. "Bully" sees everybody going to Blake's hometown of Kansas City to solve some beating murders in which the victims are dressed in women's underwear. Someone's hunting J. Edgar Hoover! The podcast runs a little short so time is spent on Ronnie and Ja…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 210: Last Gasp of Relevancy
1:29:15
1:29:15
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1:29:15
Well, BAU Disassembled ends with the cast cast to the four corners of the Earth. Reid is teaching, Rossi is helping out on a film set, Lewis is helping out Mulder and Scully in couples counseling (no really), and Prentiss is on the rat squad. What could force the team back together? Well, a contrivance that none of them could individually tackle on…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 209: Binda
1:33:35
1:33:35
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The penultimate entry of BAU Disassembled occurs as "Annihilator" sees Linda Barnes (Binda) go out into the field to mess things up for the gang. A house of roommates and their companions are slaughtered. Who did it? Who cares, really, as the case is a means to an end: showing Binda is incompetent. Ronnie and Jazz suffer through the incompetence fo…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 208: You Can't Fire Me I Quit
1:32:13
1:32:13
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A-plot: Corpses are piling up in N'Awlins, the city that encourages all manner of vice up until the point of addiction. B-plot: Prentiss goes to the principal's office. Exciting sounding, doesn't it?
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Deliver The Profile Episode 207: The XMas Spectacular
1:32:43
1:32:43
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Ronnie and Jazz review "Cure", part 1 of BAU Disassembled. Enjoy the holidays, whichever it may be!
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Menom on Venom Episode 2: Spider-Man: No Way Home
2:26:00
2:26:00
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It's here! It's finally here! We're of course referring to the second episode of Menom on Venom, the occasional Deliver The Profile spinoff that deals with all things goopy and first personal plural usage. Since Venom DOES appear in the 138th MCU film, SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME, it is our sworn duty to give it a critical bashing. And this 150 minute …
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Deliver The Profile Episode 206: Some Sort of Slendered Man
1:30:09
1:30:09
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Ronnie and Jazz must contend with the Slender Man before there was a Slender Man, also known as "The Tall Man". What does it have to do with JJ's long dead sister? Why should we care? Has this show's effects budget been slashed to garbage or what? Finally: how offensive is this episode to what happened with Slender Man in Wisconsin? The hosts will …
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Deliver The Profile Episode 205: Werewolf Dentures
1:27:47
1:27:47
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Monster Month(s) marches on when "Bad Moon on the Rise" hits Ronnie and Jazz like a hooked fish. But yes, this one is about a werewolf, and yes, this includes scenes in which the cast discuss werewolves. It may sound fun and whimsical, but it's not. It's stupid. It's stupid like the rest of the series is stupid. And what's with the unsub's Punisher…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 204: Skull & Crossbones
1:24:28
1:24:28
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With "Submerged", Ronnie and Jazz deal with the most horrible scourge of all: pirates.
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Deliver The Profile: Kino Korner: Ghostbusters: Afterlife
1:51:12
1:51:12
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Instead of doing a Criminal Minds this week, Ronnie and Jazz delve into the world of film with the worst of the year (so far), Ghostbusters: Afterlife! Why bring in Paul Rudd and make him a supporting character? Who wanted Ghostbusters gene slammed with The Goonies? Oh, you better believe it's disrespectful to Howard "Bedazzled" Ramis. Oh, by the w…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 203: Neon Demon (plus important Nicholas Brendon news)
1:31:34
1:31:34
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Let's start with the important stuff: Nicholas Brendon's dick. Does it work or is it still under construction? Listen to find out. Then stick around for the part of the show that fulfills the podcast's purpose, as the boys discuss "Neon Terror". A media-obsessed unsub is killing people and taping them. Is it a not particularly smart condemnation of…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 202: Adbominable
1:20:07
1:20:07
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Back to Beyond Borders as Ronnie and Jazz continue their month(s) of Boogeymen and Monsters. "Abominable" is about the team heading to Nepal to deal with a yeti attack. Or is it something more mundane? The answer will simultaneously amuse and enrage you.
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Deliver The Profile Episode 201: Human Dog
1:19:54
1:19:54
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1:19:54
Things start out pretty boring in Greece in "Pankration" until Ronnie and Jazz realize something: the unsub is using a human dog with which to fight foreigners to the death. How easy is it to train one of those human dog? Just watch Unleashed or Danny the Dog, folks, for more information.
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Deliver The Profile Episode 200: Alienating Our Audience
2:07:26
2:07:26
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Two hundred episodes. Puppets. Need I say more?
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Deliver The Profile Episode 199: The Ballad of Click and Clack
1:08:11
1:08:11
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The Beyond Borders team goes to Cuba in "The Ballad of Nick and Nat". Cuba is portrayed about you'd expect it to be portrayed as given this is a CBS show produced by Gary Sinise. As such, it's one of the shorter episodes of the podcast because Ronnie and Jazz can't make abject propaganda funny. But hey, Beyond Borders really socks it to those kids …
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Menom on Venom Episode 1: Venom: Let There Be Carnage
1:48:05
1:48:05
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Welcome to MENOM ON VENOM, an occasional spinoff to DELIVER THE PROFILE! Hosts Ronnie and Jazz take apart the highly anticipated 2020 film Venom: Let There Be Carnage, the best 77 minutes you'll spend in the movie theatres all year! Ronnie is a Venom expert, much to his dismay, and Jazz has seen the animated series, the ne plus ultra of Venom story…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 198: David Rossi 64
1:22:04
1:22:04
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The Beyond Borders team goes to Italy to capture a REAL LIFE SERIAL KILLER WHO KILLED REAL PEOPLE and it's fucking gross, even by this show's standards. Thankfully, Italy gives Ronnie and Jazz plenty of material to work with, as "Il Mostro" features not only cast members from The Sopranos but actors doing terrible Italian accents. The hosts do some…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 197: Beyond Bordersdome
1:21:09
1:21:09
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With the end of "Reid In Prison" comes a respite for the boys. Well, they still have to do Criminal Minds, but this time it's the spinoff, Beyond Borders! The episode for this week takes them to Spain, and in "El Toro Bravo" Ronnie and Jazz as well as the IRT are dealing with a sort of bull supremacist lashing out at crimes committed against bullma…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 196: The End (Not Really)
1:53:15
1:53:15
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We at Deliver The Profile reach the end...of the Reid in prison arc. This premiere raises more questions than it does answers. Such as: what does Mr. Scratch want? Which character dies, and does it happen to be the one whose actor is no longer in the main credits? Does Hotch come back? Can Paget Brewster be any more checked out? The boys try to ans…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 195: Guble Me This, Batman
1:24:19
1:24:19
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Here it is. The Season 12 finale. The penultimate installment of "Reid in Jail". The second to last time you'll hear the kickass Oz version of the theme. "Red Light" wraps up the Aubrey Plaza portion of the storyline and it involves impregnation, secret lesbianism and hallucinations to make a dramatic point aplenty. Aubrey Plaza deserves better. On…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 194: Figrin D'an
1:31:06
1:31:06
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We hit part 1 of the 2 part season finale of Season 12, "Green Light"! You know what that means: Reid in prison's end is in sight. Beyond that, the show wraps up the Calvin Shaw "storyline", Reid's mom is missing and the true mastermind behind all this stands revealed. But Ronnie and Jazz are much more interested in their guest this week, none othe…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 193: Nuclear Lunch Woman
1:15:39
1:15:39
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It's what you've been waiting for: the Walker focus episode! His friend, Hart Boechner, is in the hospital and it's up to our newest addition to the BAU to figure out what ails his buddy. What does it have to do with Walker's undercover work in Russia? Nothing, actually, but that won't prevent Criminal Minds from dousing you in unnecessary flashbac…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 192: Aggrieved Science Fair Loser
1:26:04
1:26:04
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Shit rolls on in "True North", as there's...no fallout from what Reid did last episode and in place of repercussions are a jaunt down to Arizona where people have been tied to stakes, adorned with shock collars and...look, it's all very elaborate and stupid. We'll get to it. This episode introduces The Aggrieved Science Fair Loser: imagine Dr. Doom…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 191: Tollbooth Vampire
1:42:58
1:42:58
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The title says it all: "Hell's Kitchen" is about a tollbooth vampire who runs a tollbooth when he's not out vampiring. We've done a lot of dumb Criminal Minds episodes, but this is definitely top 3, alongside the autistic kid one and the sinkhole one. Ratboy from Sons of Anarchy transforms into BATBOY. Ronnie and Jazz nearly lose their minds with t…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 190: Third Life
1:16:22
1:16:22
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No more Oz opening...for now! Yes, Deliver The Profile goes back to the before times when Reid was not in jail, just an ordinary FBI wunderkind. This time the case takes them to sunny who gives a shit, where two girls have been kidnapped. One of the fathers is more than he seems, and his daughter is played by Joe Mantegna's daughter. Why we decided…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 189: Dr. Murder and Mr. Murder
1:31:45
1:31:45
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In this shitpile we call an episode of Criminal Minds, somebody's killing poachers by day and breaking into homes and killing people by night. Could they be connected? Probably. In other news, Reid is still in prison. Niles and Frasier are hassling him, and it looks as though Reid's buddy Luis is not long for this world. Thank god there are only--S…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 188: BONECRUSHER IS READY
1:31:28
1:31:28
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Tatum O'Neal guest stars on this very special episode of Criminal Minds on this very routine episode of Deliver The Profile. "Assistance is Futile" takes the subversive tack of having a suspect's mother come in out of the blue to tell the team her son's the Bonecrusher they're looking for. Reid is still in prison, being bullied by Frasier and Niles…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 187: NO NAAN
1:20:03
1:20:03
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Ronnie and Jazz take a break from Reid in Prison to do a random Season 8 episode that isn't very good. Someone is abducting nannies, raping and burning them with cigarettes. There's a survivor but she won't help the BAU, so it's up to them to badger her into cooperating. Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen. "Nanny Dearest" may not be great, but at lea…
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Deliver The Profile Episode 186: Glavin
1:27:58
1:27:58
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Criminal Minds takes on the incel epidemic with "Alpha Male". Someone is tossing acid in the faces of pretty people and it's up to CBS' pretty people to stop it. Meanwhile, Reid is still in jail and finds a new friend in Oz's Augustus Hill, because Reid is the most credulous motherfucker on the planet. Yep, it's garbage all the way down. At least R…
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Deliver The Profile: Spiral: From The Book of Saw
1:22:10
1:22:10
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Deliver The Profile's 2 month hiatus has ended...with a movie episode? Yes, Ronnie and Jazz are back to the movies, and what better choice than what amounts to a 93 minute Criminal Minds episode with slightly more gore? This of course refers to Spiral: From The Book of Saw, which contains no book of Saw nor much of anything else! Why is this a Saw …
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Deliver The Profile Episode 185: Not The Jay Leno Movie
1:28:30
1:28:30
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It's a brand new story arc and that means for the first time there's a NEW THEME! Yes, Deliver The Profile is finally covering the interminable Reid in Prison arc. How many rape jokes will there be? Too many. As for the episode itself, it's about a guy who controls cars to hit people. Hence the title "Collision Course". This episode could've also g…
"Route 66"! This week's Criminal Minds is a bifurcated affair, with the team taking on a spree killer who's kidnapped his daughter (or has he?) while Aaron Hotchner fights for his life in a fantasy movie theatre populated by his dead wife and his greatest enemy. Get out your goldenrod pages, it's coma fantasy time!…
