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"How Not To Kill Your Business Partner." "Teller almost never speaks while performing. There are exceptions such as when the audience is not aware of it; for example, he provided the voice of "Mofo the psychic gorilla" in their early Broadway show with the help of a radio microphone cupped in his hand. Teller's trademark silence originated during h…
 
The Question: Who you got, Jack Warden or Butterbean? Martin Luther Indulgences Offsets The Edge The Pauls McCartney I Am The Walrus Buying Stars An interesting story Tommy Wiseau Weimar Republic Otto von Bismarck The Neighbors Skip-It Berlin Wall Guerilla Art Talking about that Funke Joel Silver and the invention of Ultimate Frisbee Zeppo Curly Jo…
 
The Question: Do you know what love is?! Do you?!??1!? Corollary International Phonetic Alphabet Man in the Red Room Frontier of Turbines A mine X-ray Patch Cat Eyes Kramer Jed Bartlet Jed Clampett Lisa “Lefteye” Lopes Opera Glasses Crazy Frog Peeps Mr. Peepers Cheep Cheep Cheep! Mike and his majestic face What was in the briefcase? “Two Sheds” Jac…
 
The Question: Does Sinbad play the president? You don't understand: I know how these computers think! Mr. Skin D.E.W.J. First Kid Sinbad George Clinton Tear the Roof off the Sucka Michael B. Jordan Incredible Mr. Limpet Robert Guillame Sports Night Leslie Nielsen CSI Cheers Double dipping The Who Marc Blucas First Daughter Chasing Liberty Coachella…
 
"Discuss the many benefits of family planning!" Attention, American parents! Your children, upon whom you will depend heavily for financial support as you enter your winter years, are suffering from a dangerous, highly communicable and infectious disease: Lollygagger Syndrome! Fortunately, we've got the cure. And by cure, we mean camp. And by camp,…
 
The Question: What follows the T-shirt? There's a brand new dance, but I don't know its name, that people from bad homes do again and again. It's big and it's bland, full of tension and fear. They do it over there but we don't do it here. Fashion. Turn to the left. Fashion. Turn to the right. Oooooo ahh. FASHION. We are the goon squad and we're com…
 
The Question: Am I Charlemagne? Here at ScornCo, we believe that The Children are our future. But what kind of future will The Children be? Will they be the horrible dystopian future we saw in such Paul Verhoven films as Starship Troopers or the bright and shining future we saw in such Paul Verhoven films as Total Recall? The future of tomorrow wil…
 
The Question: Are you a rook or are you a crow? Certainty is a tough thing to come by these days. It can be comforting to know that there are certain things that are always going to be true. That's what we're offering at the Institute for the Investigation of Fundamental Truths. We're offering the comforting knowledge that no matter what The Media …
 
The Question: Why would the IRS let this happen? You step into the bar. Confident, you exude animal magnetism from every pore. "Yakety Sax" hits the loudspeakers, you do a couple of laps, doff your cap, and head for the exit. Championship! This week, we invite you to join the Keeper League, assuming you're willing to abide by the terms and conditio…
 
The Question: Where do gummi bears come from? This week, we bring back the automat. We're doing a soft open, because hard openings are too hard. So save the date, put it on your favorite Non-Euclidian calendar, and get ready to enjoy the finest farm-to-table gummi bears you can get outside of Papa New Gummi. Freebird Marshall Tucker Band Automat Fu…
 
The Question: How do you keep a man buried under a mountain relatively alive? You are cordially invited to that solitary government-owned mountain the middle of the New Mexico for the groundbreak ceremony for the New Southwest Research Prison/University of Phoenix satellite campus. Dress: Business Casual. This week, we set up a new subterranean Bel…
 
The Question: How do you launch star of stage and screen Jack Warden across the room with a flick of the finger? There are Secretaries of State who are Henry Kissinger and there are Secretaries of State who AREN'T Henry Kissinger. Which kind are you? This week, Nick develops a system for relative-proofing your home and Stefan launches his sure-to-b…
 
The Question: Do you not have Refrigerator Pedestrian Insurance? Look, let's get real here. What we're talking about isn't a Ponzi Scheme. It's like a Ponzi Scheme, but you know, a lot of things are like Ponzi Schemes. You can't be picky about these things. In this episode, we break Silvio Berlusconi out of prison. Keith Moon Silvio Berlusconi Berl…
 
Question: What can we do about your smells? Pilot season! Who doesn't love pilot season? Lots of things appear suddenly, touch you in all the right or wrong places, and that wink out of existence, leaving behind only a vague sense that something went very wrong. Or very right. In this, our pilot episode, we introduce you to the Fjördcliffs; develop…
 
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