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2 Trauma Queens (formerly The Stuck Stops Here)

Stepsisters - Tammy Sue and Meredith

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Documentally speaking, the stuck stops here and has re-launched as 2 Trauma Queens. Join 2 stepsisters, Tammy Sue and Meredith as they embark on a journey to uncover and understand the roots of generational trauma and toxic family patterns. We hope to share our findings, spark difficult and healing conversations and celebrate the new normal of prioritizing mental health.
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When narcissistic parents starts ageing, people eventually see through the false charm and see the person for who they really are. Their behavior tends to get worse with the passage of time. As time takes its toll on their looks and their health they painfully realize that admiration is a thing of the past. Time has taken its toll. Narcissistic par…
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All-or-nothing thinking is a a cognitive distortion. Cognitive meaning the way you understand, think, and perceive. And Distortion meaning misleading or irrational. All-or-nothing thinking and fear of failure paved a perfect path to perfectionism. I was raised with impossibly high expectations that I could never meet and as miserable as that made m…
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Object Constancy is a cognitive skill we acquire at around 2 years old and is defined as the ability to maintain an emotional bond with others, even where there is distance and conflict. In adulthood, Object Constancy allows us to trust that our bond with those who are close to us remains whole even when they are not physically present. We understa…
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Toxic family rules live at the center of a dysfunctional family system and are designed to keep secrets hidden, enable abuse, keep children in line and avoid responsibility while also preventing safety, growth and connection. Toxic family dynamics can have far-reaching impact on our lives as adults. Children of toxic parents are emotionally starved…
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Albert Ellis, who is considered the 2nd most influential psychotherapist in history died in 2007 and believed psychological problems are due to pervasive patterns of irrational thought. It is not events that create emotional states, but the way we interpret them. Chronic unhappiness is not caused directly by adversity but by us, it is our irrationa…
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“Something happened to us a long time ago. It happened more than once. It hurt us. We protected ourselves the only way we knew how. We are still protecting ourselves. It isn’t working anymore.” ― John C. Friel, Adult Children Secrets of Dysfunctional Families: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families “recovery is a process rather than an event.” ― Joh…
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Boundaries are a way to take care of ourselves. It means verbalizing what impacts your comfort levels. It means learning how and when to say "no." When we set boundaries, we’re less angry and resentful because our needs are getting met and our space is respected. Boundaries make our expectations clear, so others know what to expect from us and how …
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The healing journey was and is not easy for me. It is a continuous and rigorous cycle of aha moments followed by grief followed by acceptance. If your parents were narcissistic, controlling, smothering, unavailable, overly critical, manipulative, angry and emotionally immature...you may feel as lonely and disconnected as I have felt and battled the…
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In March of 2021, my youngest daughter and her teammates experienced horrific emotional abuse from the coach of a Division 1 collegiate athletic team. It was a sickening combination of narcissism, toxic leadership, and verbal abuse and I was crushed by it as there was nothing I could do. I witnessed my daughter getting the exact same treatment that…
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Coming from a home filled with alcoholism and abuse, Gina knows the grit & grace it takes to not just survive, but to move into a life filled with peace. She trusts that her immediate instinct to follow her intuition (which she calls her light) has been the catalyst to every success she has been blessed to experience. Her greatest passion is to hel…
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"I am four years old in that photo, half-naked and burned all over. I am propped up into a sitting position. My hair, which had been honey blonde and bouncy with waves, sprawls in a dark, stringy mess. My chest is completely covered with tight, raw bands of scars. My right arm, also constricted by scars, is attached to my torso by contractures. My …
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Vera Wilhelmsen was once ill with "incurable" chronic illness as a result from narcissistic abuse from her parents and grandparents. She fought her way out on her own, realized the root causes, cut contact with her entire family and all toxic people in her life and went deep into her own trauma to heal. She states on her web site “I was severely il…
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There is significant truth behind the statement "everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about". A conversation with my stepsister reveals how toxic parenting, favoritism, manipulation and emotional immaturity can fracture family ties - usually beyond repair. My stepsister was the scapegoat and I bounced back and forth from golden to lost ch…
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"It is my goal to help other who grew up in homes with Alcoholics. I tell my story in hopes of bringing awareness to Alcoholism. I want to help other children of alcoholics, find community, develop their voices and heal. My work is dedicated to help create community, promote healing and change the attitude around Alcohol." - Colleen Perry Instagram…
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Codependency, the habit of gaining your self worth from pleasing others, is something most people know of nowadays. But it’s lesser known opposite, called counterdependency, can be just as much of a problem and is often related to codependency. Those who suffer counterdependency have a dread of ever depending on or needing anyone, at heart of which…
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On my healing journey, I wrote (but never sent) a letter to my toxic parents. Journal therapy originated in the 1960s with psychologist Dr. Ira Progoff's Intensive Journal method. With his developments, the therapeutic potential of journal writing moved into public view. One of the ways to deal with any overwhelming emotion is to find a healthy way…
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Emotional abuse is a way to control another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate another person. In general, a relationship is emotionally abusive when there is a consistent pattern of abusive words and bullying behaviors that wear down a person's self-esteem and undermine their mental health. Chil…
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Shame is often referred to as “the toxic cousin of guilt. Guilt says “I’ve done something bad”. Shame says “I am bad”. Shame may show up in some of these ways: feeling inferior, defective, flawed, worthless, phony, and unlovable. For codependents, shame can lead to control, caretaking, and dysfunctional, nonassertive communication. Shame creates ma…
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Comparing ourselves to others allows them to drive our behavior. I often worked too hard to determine what others expected so I can make sure I fit in. I was constantly feeling less than, wanting to be greater than – leading to an ultra-competitive and unhealthy mindset. You can be anything but you can’t be everything. When we compare ourselves to …
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When parents emotionally ignore children, they feel invisible, invalidated, worthless, and disconnected from their true self. Parents with unhealed emotional wounds are unable to authentically connect with their children and this lack of connection makes children chronically question their value. They then turn to OUTSIDE forms of validation in an …
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Marisa shares her story of surviving and healing from childhood emotional, mental, and physical abuse through Instagram (@littlebent_notbroken) to help others in a similar situation or with a similar background feel seen and heard, and to validate their experiences and emotions. Covert abuse in the form of narcissism or gaslighting can disconnect t…
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The problem with negative thoughts is that they can become self-fulfilling prophecies. We talk ourselves into believing that we're not good enough. And, as a result, these thoughts drag down our personal lives, our relationships, and our careers. Affirmations are positive statements that can help you to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and ne…
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Gail Ferguson Jones is an award-winning journalist, speaker, podcaster and family recovery coach. She is a recovering codependent who survived the trauma and chaos of three generations of alcoholism in her family: maternal grandmother, father and husband, all of whom died of the disease. After hitting a personal rock bottom about eight years ago, s…
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Toxic Family Dynamics Splitting: Planting seeds where jealousy resentment, and anger will flourish. Pitting: Setting family members against each other, usually through dishonesty. Smear Campaigns: Premediated efforts to ruin another person's reputation and character usually by lying and deceit. Chronic disrespect and contempt. Becomes angry and enr…
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Definition of dis-ease - a particular quality, habit, or disposition regarded as adversely affecting a person or group of people. Early experiences of stress and trauma require soothing by caring, consistent parental figures. When that care isn’t available early in life or when stressors are chronic, it can wreak havoc with our worldview, making us…
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Gaslighting — any sort of statement that makes someone doubt their own feelings or perceptions — is a common tactic used in abusive relationships. But it's also present in many kinds of relationships; not limited to romantic relationships, it may occur in parent-child ones, as well. Once you can spot the signs your parents are gaslighting you, you …
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The phrase “Gray Rock Method” was first coined by blogger Skylar in this article on her website: https://180rule.com/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/ after a fateful conversation she had with a complete stranger. You should definitely go and read that article after you’ve finished here. Whether you play a big role such as a partner…
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Annie Highwater is a Writer, Speaker, Podcast Host and Family Advocate. She has a particular interest in family pathology and concepts of dysfunction, addiction, alcoholism and conflict. Annie published her memoir, Unhooked: A Mother's Story of Unhitching from the Roller Coaster of Her Son's Addiction, in 2016. Annie's Mission: There are more peopl…
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For years (actually decades!) Carol didn’t know what she wanted to do. She had been working in the corporate world for over 20 years, most recently in a leadership role at a Fortune 5 company. Although she worked hard and was consistently recognized and promoted, she somehow knew that she was meant to do something different. she felt stuck in a lif…
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A false self is created as an adaptation to emotionally ignorant and immature parents who selfishly wallowed in self-unawareness and project their needs and misery onto an infant rather than reflecting the infant's actual moods. Simply put, the false self is not real. It is the disconnected self. You do not naturally belong here or anywhere and you…
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Season 3 Episode 3 Our brains overreact when facing uncertainty because they’re wired to react to it with fear. Research has shown that as the uncertainty of scenarios increase, the subjects’ brains shifted control over to the limbic system, the place where emotions, such as anxiety and fear, are generated. This brain quirk worked great eons ago, w…
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Season 3 Episode 2 - human DOings & human BEings Doing more, constantly putting myself out there, saying yes to every opportunity, cradling every tangible and intangible experience like a an Olympic medal…I believed these things will get me exposure, accolades, recognition and sales…but in reality they brought on stress, depression, frustration, mo…
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Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Anger. I used to be angry…most of the time. I have a mother, father and stepfather with various personality disorders who erratically switch back and forth from being overly demanding or callously indifferent. I was set up for a life of no confidence, perpetual sadness masked by raged and an addiction to results and …
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Season 3 | Episode 1. This is an AMAZING STORY. Jennifer Pazienza lives on Keswick Ridge in New Brunswick, Atlantic Canada and creates poetic and contemplative paintings. "Since I was young, the natural world has been my haven for refuge and renewal. A compelling feature in my work is what’s not there - most especially humans. I want people to visu…
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Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Triggers. What are emotional triggers? They are those super-reactive places inside you that become activated by someone else’s behaviors or comments. When triggered, you may either withdraw emotionally and simply feel hurt or angry or respond in an aggressive way that you will probably regret later. Your reaction is …
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Season 2 Episode 10. Should statements give you two options: you pass or you fail–when in reality, life is much more complex than that. And when we don’t meet the expectations that these “should demands” set up for us, we feel guilty, we feel shame, and we feel like we aren’t living up to our potential. As I’ve become more interested in healing and…
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Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Setting boundaries. Most people who have weak personal boundaries had no role models when they were young. Witnessing narcissistic and codependent dynamics that probably goes back generations contributes to us believing that love = what we did, not who we were. Boundaries are like an invisible shield or fence around …
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Emotional neglect is different from emotional abuse because it is often unintentional. Parents, due to their own misery and preoccupation with unhealed wounds from their childhood, may have emotionally neglected you. This omission played a huge part in shaping you into the adult you are today and may dictate how much emotional regulation and relati…
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Part of my healing journey is fulfilling a recently discovered life purpose by reaching out to those in need of healing from emotional abuse by toxic parents and transgenerational dysfunction. If you are sheltering in place, perhaps some of you would like to use this time of no distractions to acquire new healing strategies. If you are like how I u…
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Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Respond vs React. When you react, your emotions are in control, with no thought of consequences. Feelings are not facts and so your amygdala is running the show. I deluded myself for years believing that when I was screaming and throwing temper tantrums that I was taking control of a situation that I didn’t like. Loo…
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Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Perfectionism. This is Tami Atman with the Stuck stops here. We are alone together experiencing fear and anxiety over what is happening in the world today. I am using this time of reflection to nurture my recently discovered life purpose of sharing the resources I used on my healing journey which began in 2014. Many …
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Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Toxic Shame. Toxic shame eats away at your spirit and soul, crushing positive energy out of us and allowing negative life forces like self-hate to take over. We shrink. We feel like we mean nothing. We feel we are nothing. As a result of toxic shame passed down through generations in my family, I believed that I was …
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Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Dissociation | Emotional detachment. Dissociation, or emotional detachment, is a defense mechanism used to cope with highly stressful or overwhelming emotions. It is a disconnection between your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. I avoided dealing with traumatic memories and negative emotions which was caused by my t…
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Heal in place. Fill your still. Spirituality. During these unusual and uncertain times, I created mini-podcasts to share the resources I used on my healing journey. Many of you cannot attend your place of religious worship so I thought spirituality might be a helpful topic to cover. In 2014, I hit rock bottom – hard. During my recovery from severe …
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Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Emotionally Immature Parents. During these uncertain and anxious times, I have created mini-podcasts to share the resources I used on my healing journey. If you are sheltering in place, perhaps use this time of no distractions to acquire new healing strategies. If you are like how I used to be…a chaotic emotional fir…
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Heal in place. Fill your still. Codependency. During these very scary times, I am creating mini-podcasts to share the resources I used on my healing journey in a more direct way. Most of us may be sheltering in place –with no distractions and also no escape. If you are like the old erratically busy me…this “stillness” may be torture. If you have wo…
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Heal in place. Fill your still. Abandonment. During these unusual and uncertain times, I thought it would help to create mini-podcasts to share the resources I used on my healing journey in a more direct way. Most of us may be sheltering in place –with no distractions and also no escape. If you are like the old erratically busy me…this “stillness” …
  continue reading
 
"Uncertainty is one of the most difficult human experiences. Uncertainty means not having control over what might happen to us. We don’t do so well when we don’t have a sense of control – we may feel more anxious and more depressed and be more susceptible to pain and physical illnesses. Because a sense of control is so vital to our health and well-…
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For as long as I can remember, I’ve been over-responsible. I was overly connected to vibes and energy, I was hypervigilant and hyper attuned to my surroundings and was expected to read minds (particularly my deaf mother) by the time from birth and I learned that I must try to be as pleasing as possible even if it hurt. I’m not alone. I was raised t…
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