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Thot Topics is a podcast with the bravery to stare into the void and ask God’s question: ”Do I look fat in these jeans?” Every week, Nick Malone and Cris Lopez slow-motion dive into music, culture, and politics, then emerge soaking wet with 100% certified accurate takes for your listening pleasure. If you’ve ever felt gaslit by gay Twitter, or by a sizing chart while online shopping, this will be the sisterhood of a lifetime.
 
Zuckerbergs' favorite instagram e-thot / political commentator 'Neoliberalhell' aka 'Ana' teams up with well-read, theorygram poisoned pussy-getting twink 'Matthew'. With the help of Ryan ANTIART, The Massachusetts inbred WASP and the only Jew from central Illinois converse about their liberal elite New York City dweller lives and dig deep into the culture during these dire times ----- BONUS EPISODES: https://www.patreon.com/neoliberalhell
 
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100 EPISODES!!!! To the moon, Alice! The goon palace! The long-awaiting Thot Topics centennial is upon us, and to celebrate our womanniversary we reached out to listeners like YOU to construct the WHEEL OF WHORETUNE-- over 70 topics were submitted for consideration and we got through a surprising amount of them! Round and round she goes-- where she…
 
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR PATREON SO ANA CAN GIRLBOSS ACROSS THE US It is extremely extra to put myself as a featured guest on a podcast that I produce? Absolutely. But I'm bisexual, it's in my nature to be extra. Topics Discussed -Big Thief Cancels Shows In Israel -Bisexuals/Fake Bisexuals -ANA GOT ZUCKED AGAIN Note: When talking about Palestine Matthew re…
 
Though Pride Month may be upon us, at Thot Topics HQ it's NO MORE MR. DIONYSE GUY!! I really thought we'd gotten all the rage out on the last solo episode but apparently not! This week, gay guys really gave us a LOT to chew on and boy did it taste like SHIT! After a little bit of girly chitchat on the job market, we dive right into our review of Hu…
 
There's NO business like YO business, so you know we had to get up in there like swimwear! As part of our court-ordered 80 hours of community service, we reach out to broken-brain gay guys, pure-hearted young women, and straight guys who like us for whatever reason, to fix their lives Iyanla-style. And there's no shortage of crises to resolve-- is …
 
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR PATREON TO LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE On what may be the most controversial NLH episode yet, Ana & Matthew bring on techno historian, prolific Instagram text poster and Phoebe Bridgers mutual Aloiso Wilmoth aka MOMAPS5 on to discuss Transracialism. Anyone who's familiar with Rachael Dolezal could tell you that this is (95% of the t…
 
SQUEEZE the means of production. MILK the bourgeoisie for all it's worth. SUCK the power out of billionaires. RIDE into the perfect Marxist future. SLURP that dick till it cum. We're back! We know we've kept you waiting for a hot minute so we really play the hits on this one. First order of business is addressing Nick's haters: does thinking the bu…
 
**PATREON EXCLUSIVE UNLOCKED** Cris is sick so we couldn't record an episode this week, but we'll be back on schedule this week including the new THOTLINE episode!! In the meantime, here's an offering from the VAULT to tide you over in the meantime. This land is. WHAT? This land is. WHO? This land is. OUUURR LAND We're back in the Gay Little Monkey…
 
After a raging party at the neoliberalhell house, Ana & Matthew team up with journalist and Mikey Miles enthusiast Eamon to discuss the most marginalized group: The Irish..sort of. There's a lot of stuff talked about in this episode tbh. (Audio is a bit rough and choppy on this one but stick through it, this is a hilarious ep) Ana's IG Matthew's IG…
 
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes like this one: https://www.patreon.com/neoliberalhell Tucker Carlson, Ben Shapiro, and even Joe Rogan himself have talked shit about her from the safety of their little studios. None of those cowards dared to actually, you know, speak to her. Well, on this episode, Ana and Matthew sit down 2-on-1 with the…
 
WOMAN MOMENT!! Thot Topics history is made once again as we invite the second woman in nearly 100 episodes into the Women's Business Lounge-- beloved friend of the pod, the gorgeous SYDNEY! And you're in for a real treat because nothing enables us to fag out more than being in a girl's apartment. This episode also features a lot of feline mischief …
 
We’re closing up the shop in the only way we know how… with a final excruciating Eurovision episode. We’re joined by special guests to help slog through all the wonders and horrors of Europe’s pop nightmare. Guests include: River (@river_is_nice) Zach Langley Chi Chi (@asukahomo) Jack TPN (@lotus__point) Mila (@milaghorayeb) Anna K. (@annakhachiyan…
 
No thots! Head empty! Durrrrrr duhhhhhhh We tried so hard to come up with something to talk about today and every time we attempted to start a topic it seemed really stupid and gay so we decided to throw caution to the wind and let our fuckin' freak flags fly! Over an HOUR of no topics, no structure, no effort, just pussyliciousness. Maybe if this …
 
From NLH Studios in New York City, it's Neoliberal Hell Live! Ana & Matthew answer some relationship questions in front of a live studio audience before inviting their friend @yugo_slavoj onto the program to discuss IDR Labs' Hot & Crazy Test. Is Ana crazy? Is Matthew hot? Was that really New York Times #1 Best Seller and political activist Mariann…
 
We're girls with a passion for cryptofascion! Clear the runway because it's officially OVER for fatties and uglies. We're back for the first solo episode of the GAY 4 MAY BLITZ-- for our greatest trick of all time, we're going to put out TWO EPISODES EVERY WEEK for the month of May. 1 for patrons, sisters, and true BELIEVERS in the Thot Topics miss…
 
Are you lonely and sad because of your parasocial relationship with Instagram user @neoliberalhell2? Looking for an in-person surrogate to take on her role à la Her or Blade Runner 2049? Well, Ana herself and her co-host Matthew "Sex" Donovan have some practical advice for you, directly answering romantic inquiries from fans. They also talk a bit a…
 
On our first ever Patreon episode, Ana & Matthew talk to Felix Biederman of Chapo Trap House on a multitude of subjects including the recent subway shooting in Brooklyn, Chicago gang politics, the loneliness of MMA, Morrissey & Mitski. FOR THE FULL EPISODE SUBSCRIBE TO THE NEOLIBERALHELL PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/neoliberalhell Follow Felix …
 
And baby there AIN'T NO MOUNTAIN BIIIII ENOUGH. AIN'T NO VALLEY LOWWW ENOUGH. AIN'T NO RIVER WIIIIDE ENOUGH Biiii like an eagle... To the seaaaaaa Happy Sheaster! We're back! We know we shouldn't have kept you waiting... but we're here now. Playtime is officially OVER and we're back to tackle the world's biggest issues: you guessed it. Whether it's…
 
For their inaugural episode, co-hosts Ana (@neoliberalhell2) & Matthew (@matthewdonovan__) explore the subcultural phenomenon known as "otherkin". This is a term coined in the early '90s referring to a subcategory of people that believe that they are not entirely human. In layman's terms, imagine a dude who thinks he's part Harry Potter, or part so…
 
***PATRONS ONLY*** GET OUR MONEY UP ON PATREON BITCH. Well, this one's a bit of a buzzer-beater (Basketball reference, teehee!) but we TOLD you we'd get you one premium episode per month!! This week, we're setting aside our SWERF tendencies and embracing our new bestie TUCKER WILDE, Dallas's premiere bona fide gay porno starlet! It's a sexy little …
 
GAYLIEN VS PREDATOR. WHO WILL EMERGE VICTORIOUS IN THE BATTLE OF THE ANCIENTS??? It's a good old fashioned Thot Topics romp and we must've been pretty hangry because there's a lot of yelling on this one! We go knock-knock-knockin' on three different gay guy's doors to cuff that ass and throw them in the SLAMMER where they belong. And you'll never g…
 
Someone help! I think I smell a yaaas leak! In our triumphant return following our star-crossed meeting with Slayyyter, we're back to business as usual-- talking shit about gay guys online. First, we do a little bit of catching up on our personal lives and talk about THE WAR. Then, it's on to more important things. First, we speculate on a certain …
 
In a historic girls' chat that was predestined-- carved on an ancient tome and locked deep beneath the earth for centuries-- we are joined by the one and only motherfuckin' goddamn SLAYYYTER in her podcasting debut. EVERYTHING is exposed. And you KNOW I mean our tits! It's impossible to summarize just how important the content of this episode is. I…
 
Hey girl, what's Vack and Brown and CUNT all over? Just WAIT until you hear the answer... We return for the first episode of SHAMROCK SHAKE SEASON to have the Thot Topics Barbara Walters Power Hour with stars, siblings, movers, shakers, and now canon members of the Thot Topics Universe-- BETSEY MUTHAFUCKIN BROWN and PETER GODDAMN VACK. We dive deep…
 
It's officially 2022, and we're resolving to TEAR! In yet another triumphant return to form following a brief(ish) hiatus, we are back to take stock of all that went down in 2021-- from boiled cats, to gay throuples, to Nicki Minaj's couins balls. We really do it ALL. We run a fine-toothed comb through a meticulously constructed timeline of the pas…
 
I'm twenty-five years old... and I don't know how to gape... We're back and on schedule! We told you we wouldn't keep you waiting. Hush now-- mommy and mommy are here. This one's a doozy so hold on tight-- keep it ALL tight if you can manage it! This week, we take some big swings and it's nothing but grand slams babe. First, we pick apart Pitchfork…
 
The girls are BACK after a brief Nick's Birthday sabbatical and we FINALLY address the rumors... YES we are female hackers. YES it is both dangerous and rewarding. YES we wear a tight fitting turtleneck that creates a uniboob. WE EXIST!!!! This week, we're joined by return guest RIVER PAGE (@river_is_nice) to discuss the news of the moment, and of …
 
What's up you fuckin' stupid alien? Pop a squat with us and crack open a fresh copy of the Bitchkiker's Guide to the Galaxy-- there's much to explore, and SO little time... This week, the girls get a little sidetracked talking about their personal journeys as their dreaded first-ever mid-twenties birthday approaches. What's acceptable to do in your…
 
In perhaps our most Cronenbergian episode of all time, we do a little bit of body-ody-ody horror as a treat. In an extravaganza of all things fecal, urinal, and genital, we skinny dip in the wet primordial ooze of human experience wearing nothing but a white crop top-- and emerge, nipples protruding. This week, we talk about Meghan Trainor taking a…
 
All aboard the Witness Wagon, and buckle up tight, cuz it's gonna be a BUMP-y ride... It was a slow news week so the girls usher in October with a little bit of sisterly competition-- a definitive tier ranking of the female pop albums of the 2010's. This is our bread and fucking butter right here, so you DON'T want to miss it. We rank the girls of …
 
We require the clues, Steven… Deliver us the clues so we may feed… Well girls, it’s just ME and YOU and MY DOG BLUE as we traverse the rocky terrain of culture once again. This week, we cover the new Lana track “Arcadia” and wonder if she is seeing everybody she knows as a car— plus give our thoughts on the Blue Banisters era overall. Then, we talk…
 
A dream is a wish your hole makes, and Thot Topics dreamz DO come true! We're back after yet another extended hiatus (we promise to have less of those, but we were like reeeeaaaally hungover :/) and we're doing it in style. The girls are joined by the lovely and sensual HARRY TAFOYA in a high tower away from the clutches of the male gaze. But a pri…
 
We discuss Chelsea Manning’s declaration that she’s ‘terrified’ of Glenn Greenwald. What would make a notorious enemy of the state afraid of the nice gay Jewish vegan man who came on our show once? Could it be that non-Democrats are very scary? We discuss abortion a lot, but we try not to be too heavy-handed about it because the whole point we make…
 
We discuss trusting the experts and putting the bad people on no-fly lists. We also discuss Socialists for Gavin Newsom and the cognitive dissonance required to be a crypto-democrat in 2021. We talk about Beyonce wearing an expensive diamond and where it should be returned to if anybody asks us, and finally we cover OnlyFans flip-flopping on explic…
 
I'm not a girl... not yet a drag queen... This week, we convene for an international crisis panel to address the troubling military occupation in the middle east-- and after much consideration, we've decided to TaliSTAN! With that settled, we dive into much more pressing issues affecting underserved populations: the new Lizzo and Cardi B song, Lord…
 
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