Healing Relationship Wounds

Bear Psychology Podcast

Core Relational Blueprints Are Affected by Traumatic Events Have you noticed that traumatic events, like a physical injury, emotional threat, the loss of a loved one, or a life crisis, can often awaken or enhance your sense of fear, anger, isolation, or helplessness? Dr. Diane Poole Heller, an expert in the field of Adult Attachment Theory and Models, trauma resolution, and integrative healing techniques explained that you develop an attachment style in your earliest years which follows you through life, replaying in your intimate relationships, from your lovers to your children to your work relationships. However, your core relational blueprint can be deeply affected by traumatic events. Often traumatic events cause three styles of insecure attachment—Avoidant, Ambivalent, and Disorganized. But there is an ideal fourth style known as Secure attachment Fortunately, Dr. Poole Heller firmly believes that we’re hardwired to heal. “As we heal and move toward Secure attachment, we become aware of triggers and patterns in our relationships. Our nervous system learns to be more regulated. Things don’t throw us off so easily. And we open our capacity to love and experience greater compassion,” she said in her in-depth audio program, “Healing Your Attachment Wounds: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships.” Other experts, such as psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller, authors of Attached: the new science of adult attachment also look into the science behind love by studying attachment theory. Heller and Levine believe that there’s a 25% chance that each attachment style can be changed within four years. Recognizing Your Attachment Style When you identify your attachment style, you are more inclined to understand when this style of attachment is responsible for your behavior in your relationships. By learning about your attachment style and exploring the trauma that led you to this style of attachment, you’ll begin to see the reason for your previously unexplained behaviors. Often, attaching the name – Avoidant, Ambivalent, Secure, or Disorganized – will empower you to move toward growth and change. Attachment styles form as a method of survival during childhood and traumatic experiences – but you have the power to heal. Moving Toward Secure Attachment One of the best ways to heal relationship wounds is to practice Secure Attachment. In fact, Dr. Poole Heller states that practicing Secure Attachment behaviors actually forms new neural pathways in your brain. So, you can create deep and lasting relationships by implementing attachment-based practices into how you relate to those you love. Video Resources: Healing Attachment Wounds: https://youtu.be/DSyNv9CzSl0 Attached – explainer: https://youtu.be/-47gAh9S-Fw?t=10 Attachment Styles: https://youtu.be/23ePqRkOKtg?t=62 References: Diane Poole Heller on “Healing your attachment wounds” – https://dianepooleheller.com/ “Attached: the New science of Adult Attachment” by Levine & Heller & Terry Real https://www.avaiya.com/breaking-free/terry-real-1/ Radio show was aired on Realityradio101.com on Thursday, August 29, 2019 at 1 pm EDT