#125 - You Have the Power: Revisiting Step 3 of the 5-Step Boundary Solution Process

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By Vicki Tidwell Palmer, LCSW, Vicki Tidwell Palmer, and LCSW. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

In case you haven’t already heard, I’m holding monthly boundaries clarifier workshops. At these events, we walk through the first four steps of the 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier. Today’s episode was inspired by something that came up in the very first of these workshops: Step 3 (Identifying Your Power Center) is challenging for a lot of people. That’s why today’s episode is all about this step of the process, and how to decide between your four options.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #125:

  • Identifying your power center is incredibly important. Getting it wrong can lead you to think that you don’t have the power to create your desired outcome, or you might believe that you have more power than you actually do.
  • Even when you don’t have the power to create the outcome that you want, this doesn’t mean that you’re doomed. But keep in mind that “I want you to change” isn’t an option for an outcome.
  • You have four options to decide between in terms of your ability to create the outcome you want: 1. I have the power, 2. I need to ask for help, 3. I need to make a request, or 4. I am powerless.
  • Making a request is often not the best option. If you’re an enthusiastic request-maker, ask yourself whether there’s another way to get your needs met before making a request. (If you tend not to ever make requests or as, this advice isn’t for you!)

Highlights from Episode #125:

  • Welcome to the episode! We hear that today’s episode involves a deep dive into Step 3 of the 5-Step Boundary Solution. [00:39]
  • Vicki reviews the first two steps of the 5-Step Boundary Solution process. [06:21]
  • We hear the four options for your answers to Step 3, and Vicki shares an example to clarify how these options work. [09:28]
  • The first option is “I have the power to create the outcome I want.” Vicki explores this one in more depth. [11:34]
  • Vicki invites listeners to think of situations where you’ve been recurrently irritated by someone else’s behavior, and points out the problem with prioritizing others’ negative thinking. [20:49]
  • We hear an example from Vicki’s life about how asking someone to change didn’t work, and learn what she does instead. [25:05]
  • We learn about the second option: “I need to ask for help.” [26:50]
  • Vicki talks about the third option: needing to make a request. She explains why it’s potentially problematic and might not be the best way to get the outcome you want. [29:01]
  • There are definitely times when you need to make a request. We hear a few examples. [37:26]
  • The fourth and final option is to acknowledge that you can’t create the outcome that you want: I am powerless. [41:31]
  • Vicki explores an important caveat about choosing the fourth option. [46:23]

Links and Resources:

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