Crude Summer Episode 7: Aunt Jemima And Mrs. Butterworth Lesbian Erotica / Mutant Sex

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By Tim Henson. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

Distorted View Daily - An adult comedy podcast featuring the weirdest stuff around the Internet. WTF and cringe audio, weird news stories, and NSFW comedy. A Podcast for freaks.

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Welcome To Distorted View’s Crude Summer!

Each week we will take a dip into DV’s pool of disgusting, poorly written, and just weird erotic fan fiction/ sex stories that have been featured over the past 15 years of the podcast. I originally read these stories to you during a segment called Sextastic Tuesday, which aired just about every week (on Tuesday’s, naturally) and creeped out a generation of freaks. Every weekend this summer we will relive some of these abominations.

This week: Fan-fiction comes in all shapes, sizes, and varieties. Today, I share two very different piece of literotica. First, X-men gone wild! It’s a Mutant sex free-for-all. The second story was featured during DV’s very first year and involved Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth scissoring and getting syrupy together on the store shelf.

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Hastily AI’ed Transcription Of Today’s Show:

Fanfiction comes in many forms. It’s not unusual for those obsessed with a TV show, movie, comic book or video game to fantasize about living in that world participating in the story and interacting with the characters. A big part of the fan fiction community of course, is mature literature, you know sex stories based on the Golden Girls or Herbie the love bug or Duck Tales. Those are all very real things you can find on the internet. Today I’ve got two pieces of fanfiction, one involving mutants and the other involving pancake syrup bottles. Crude summer starts in just a moment.

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favorite stories what happens when nerdy comic book loving children hit puberty? They write horrible comic book based fanfiction and today, it happens to the x men in a sex plastic story called dirty x men. I don’t know why he didn’t go with triple x men. Maybe that was just too easy. I don’t know. All right, here we go. It all started with a strange bug in the training room and Professor X is school for the gifted the cover up for the x men headquarters. The mutants were practicing their skills against a set no replica and the truth mode program, but suddenly one of the robots instead of fighting psyche, grabbed her by the thighs and trapped her in his arms. At first she fought back, but when she saw the robot phallic proportion vibrating, she changed her mind and let him take her after all. This is just a game anyway she thought better make the most of it is metallic dig rubbed against her vagina until it was wet and penetrated her mechanically. His sexual organ function like a vibrator and psyche was quickly taken aback by it and started to enjoy yourself moaning and grunting she completely forgot where she was. And she started having several juicy orgasms. Is it psych or psyche? I don’t know.

The other x men were astounded at first but then got excited fairly quickly. Wolverine smelled the odor of her honey spread, spread room and pushed by his animal instinct jumped on Jean Grey and spreader on the floor. He rip their pants apart and licked her vagina wildly like a savage wolf is dig pierced his pants and penetrated Jean wildly he fucked are like a dog is dead covered with hair like the one of a wolf. He entered her in a frantic pace like a dog his tongue out to lick her lips. He finished inside of her. But as Deke only got harder from his orgasmic pleasure astonished by his indoor and she came and admiration. He turned her body so that she got on her knees and fucked or even faster, as he grabbed her tits and scratched her back smelling her sweet sweat rolled down her neck, he came again and got even harder and bigger. He does that, you know, his adamantium. Dick. His his neck, he dug deeper in her and she came again. He asked inflated. What he? What does that mean? He asked, inflated with pleasure, as her muscle gave up with orgasmic bliss.

One of the problems of this story Is that he this guy author does not know how to use commas right? So everything is just one long sentence her relax but being like a good strong couple of skin pillows Wolverine started pounding on her harder and harder until she was lying completely face down on the floor. It’s her her relax, but comma, being like a good strong couple of skin pillows, comma. That’s how it should have should have read. Wolverine started pounding on her harder and harder does he was lying completely face down on the floor. With each stroke. He reads the very bottom of her uterus and her clitoris throbbed and pleasure so that she couldn’t help from uttering little animal screams. As her vagina was pounded against the floor. She started coming again, and her orgasm just seemed to get stronger with each blow. She lost her mind so that everything became one continuous string of pleasure, not knowing even how many times she was coming. Wow.

Enter Cyclops, Cyclops undress storm. Boss he was in the air with small warm vision shots on the right spots of her suit. her cape and each part of her suit felt gently on the floor and he caressed her vagina with his warm vision. He’s fucking her with laser beams. The radiation can’t be good for her. Alright, hormones gave gusts of wind, and when he started tickling her Kalid, a cloud started growing over her pounding to the rhythm of her convulsing G spot. As she gets closer to the edge, the room is invaded by a tempest Thunder starts rolling, and a strong wind gushes forward. When she came powerful rain game down on the room and everyone was soaked in her bliss. Banshee felt challenged by Cyclops performance, but she knew she could do better and quicker than that. Seeing the bulge in his nylon pants. She came behind him and grabbed his dick. She dissolved the tissues of his pants were there special power through her hand and gently squeezed his cock he felt as if Just penetrated the warmest in Titus vagina in the world. She just let her hand there. She just let her hand they’re applying heat waves and pressure without even stroking his cock. She made him come just by holding and warming his deck with a special powers. He couldn’t believe he had come so easily probably he couldn’t believe he came so easily. As it all happened so quickly. She was very satisfied and turned on by her accomplishment and soon begun caressing his cock so that he would have a second erection. She then started caressing it with her but being ready to feel his manhood.

Cyclops drove her to the wall took her pants off and penetrated her tight pussy from behind. Well, Professor X was in the screening room, and as he watched the terrible orgy, unleashing at the training facility called Phoenix and told her, we must stop this with our mental powers. They started concentrating, but instead of focusing on their task, the images from the orgy turned them on. Jean Grey portrays Professor X taking your clothes off with his mind levitating from his chair and penetrating her longing soul in midair. As the images went through Professor X his head, the only thing he could picture was Phoenix’s beautiful vagina, the shape of an iridescent shell with its many layers to Baroque pussy. With his mind, he started caressing every inch of it, like a painter would stroke his canvas with his pencil, except the paint came from the canvas this time each. each stroke allowed Phoenix burning skin to be wet by her honey. She spread her legs and Professor X concentrated even more the image of her vagina spreading like an octopus and invading his mind and developing it with its tentacles at the head of the octopus light a small Medusa that kept growing and pounding. It was a clitoral, as he concentrated slowly on That point with all his mind she started screaming and breathe as year. As she reached her first orgasm.

Professor X glided through her body with his mind following the waves of her orgasm from a clip to her outer lips to her ass hole in her curves down her legs to the tip of her toes, and up her belly button. Then to her perfect breath into the tip of her nipples into her lips, her eyes and the bottom of her soul. He descends again to her heart and tickles her stomach before going again into her vagina, getting himself ready to bring her to a chain of never ending orgasms with the power of his mind. As Magneto was getting terribly bored in a secret hideout. Mystique called him to the spy cam room. Look what’s happening. Our enemies are having an orgy, a woken from his melancholy. He looked at the screens and excited by the views of that rare gang bang, he suggested. Maybe we can have some fun ourselves Mystique Why don’t you turn yourself into someone sex here? Okay, I’m pretty sure that line would never work on a woman. I want to have sex If only you could be prettier. Can you turn yourself into a model or something? I was a mistake. I’d be like, Fuck you. You know you’re no prize either old man. All right.

He could do some fun stuff. He could stick those Ben wall balls up a comment and then use his magnetic powers to roll them around and or pussy, giving her all sorts of orgasms, or something. I look I would be no better writing these stories. I must admit, that’s neither here nor there. Let’s get back to the story. I’m offended. Don’t you think I’m sexy like that? I prefer Jennifer Lopez. Instantly she took the shape of a naked jello. That’s better now lay down on that metal chair. Oh, she obeyed. He manipulated the iron of the chair with his power so that it trapped her hands and feet to it. Now let’s have some fun. I didn’t know you were into bondage. She said with the concern smile, and a lot more. He’s going to shit on her. So let’s go. All right, he made the metal clutch her leg, but he made the metal collect your legs and spread them apart as another piece of metal went into her mouth like a finger. She could bite on more strands of metal shape like tweezers, grab your nipples and spread or tip like liquid metal. Oh spread on her tits like liquid metal massaging her breasts. The feel of cold metal made her nipples hard instantly, and she gave a sigh of delight. So you’re in a bondage after all, he said, Give me another shape. She became Christina Aguilera as a three finger metal hand, touched her belly and ran down to caress her other lips. I don’t know if you met other lips like udder or other lips. Like a cow. I don’t know what the hell regardless, it doesn’t make sense to caress her other lips. Maybe outer. Oh, not udder maybe he meant outter outer lips probably makes it. All right. He ran down to caress her outer lips, unleashing a flow of liquid that wet the metal and made it shine. As she started moaning Magneto accumulated metal in his hands and sculpted it in his hand to form an exact replica of his penis. He warmed it in his hands, pointed it at mistakes vagina and made the head of the metal dildo spin. As she saw that she said Oh, and became Denise Richards watching the curve of her beautiful lips and green eyes.

Magneto propelled the dildo like an arrow straight into her uterus. As the dildo penetrated her, she moaned and pleasured became Naomi Campbell, the metal dick drove in and out of her giving her extreme pleasure with its rotating head. As she was getting more and more excited. She turned into other women frantically. Jennifer Love Hewitt, Britney Spears, jennifer aniston, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey. I love how it uses All of their real names except for Sabrina the Teenage Witch. It’s Melissa Joan Hart Come on. The stimulation was becoming so intolerable that soon enough, she was at the brink of orgasm as Magneto sense this he slowed down a bit and made the whole dildo slowly twist in her innards. When the dildo had turned three times on itself, she screamed and bliss she began to orgasm with a high pitch worthy of Mariah his best song. She turned into every single woman of the world at incredible speeds, while her long and strong orgasm made her lose any notion of her individuality. Although lose was spelled loose, she became, you know, I guess it depends how big the Delta was. She became a cosmic woman. Magdalena was content with having made all womankind come through chameleon, but also the game had made him harder than steel, and he made the middle chair come near him. So that mistakes mouth came just a few inches away from is bold. The piece of metal she had in her mouth spread apart and like with a couple of hooks open mistakes mouth as he made his pants drop. Her mouth swallowed his steel hard on it once she avidly sucked hard on his dick, and then stared back at the surveillance spike cam image which depicted Wolverine coming for the fifth time and the other is exhausted from there several orgasms. I didn’t think spying on your enemy could be so much fun next Klay Magneto they both laughed the ends.

What a great x men story. I would love to see that play out on the big screen could it possibly be the next to be adapted into a movie? The balls in your court now just a real quick before we go I’ve got a another short sex plastic Tuesday story. This was from the first year of distorted view and I gotta say it’s one of my favorites. I think just because it. It’s just so ridiculous right? The story involves Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth and the sensual, sticky, syrupy lesbian sex, which was a fictional character and an anthropomorphic bottle.

And Jemima had been standing directly on her shelf right above her obsession. Mrs. Butterworth months of Neolithic viewing of the monotonous surroundings had left her unfulfilled. Yes, very horny indeed. Day after day in the shopping aisle of Safeway, she would stare down at her and I her beautifully shaped Maple boobs. Her mock conservative dress was waiting to be pulled off by the hands of her lover, and Jemima, a stream of water dribbled down from the leaking air conditioner and a few beads dropped on the missus butter. Words pulsing hourglass figure. Oh how and Jim I’m along for that 1800s Fantasy girl, boy would not want a piece of that sugary ass. She sighed one day, oblivious to the fact that Butterworth had been listening, she replied, likewise GU fuck a Roo. They stared at one another and their eyes communicated to each other a desire pent up by weeks of sitting among Maple women and no Maple men. The time spent astray from the objects of their primal needs, had rewired their sexual construct of their fragile Mabel minds and the result, two lesbians ready to take on anything that could fulfill every cubic inch of syrup, and Gemma’s veins were throbbing with sexual tension with each step she took to the shelf below her. Her eyes were filled with reenactments of sexual dreams revolving around A certain Maple woman. I never thought you’d come. She said her deep brown eyes reflecting immense gratitude. I haven’t yet was her one minded Lolita response. Their primal instincts needed no foreshadowing Mrs. Butterworth through offer skirt to reveal to Maple tits dripping with Sarah. I wanted hard she cried with a thrust of the hand taking off her lower garments, revealing her aching, sugary pussy. This was almost too much for her mama bear. As she stared at Mrs. Butterworth soaking sticky vagina, she began to strip off her clothes and then reveal one equally as wet. Butterworth mouth was already pressed up against Aunt Jemima hits, slurping syrup into her wet mouth. her tongue triggered a rush of moans on behalf of Jemima and the and the two wrestled each other to the ground and a sexual feud. Eat me Master pleaded Jemima her syrupy secretions flooding the shelf. Mrs. Butterworth was all too ready to submit to her every demand as long as she was sexually relieved in the end, she kneeled down and plop her mouth over Butterworth pissy. Each lap of the tongue caused orgasmic cries to escape from Gemma’s mouth. A delicious feeling consumed Your mama’s body as orgasm became her and her pussy propelled gushes of syrup into Butterworth Swanton mouth. Get me off now, whimpered Mrs. Butterworth gesturing to our con tu secretions had flooded the entire shelf. I like how they reiterate that the secretions flooded the entire shopping case. We forgot from a few lines back when they mentioned it again. Right, just so everyone knows. The show has been flooded with pussy maple syrup secretions. So yeah, oh, give me off. Now. Linford Mrs. Butter Where’s my pleasure responded and Jemima dildo in hand. Now Where the hell did they get a dildo at a safe way? Well, now the story is just unbelievable. Up to this point, I strongly believed it was grounded in reality. Sure, yeah, of course and Jim imma fuckin Mrs. Butterworth there’s nothing out of the ordinary about that right? But fucking deltona Safeway please. Alright, so Oh, give me up now, said Mrs. Butterworth. My pleasure, responded Jemima. She stooped downward and gently urged the dildo into Butterworth sweet spot. Russia dark fluids escaped with each delicious thrust of the toy, and Butterworth cried for more. her throat let out an orgasmic groan and she could not suppress the joy scream that followed as a stream of syrup flowed onto the ground with a splattering Smucker. They submit And then kids exchanging the mutual taste of maple eat outs. People eat out. In the end they were both soaked in vaginal syrup. And by the way, here it comes guys, this is a great story because it ends on such a great line. The final line of the story, I’ll read it again. In the end they were both soaked in syrup and the erotic stench of maple Queen filled the aisle. Maple queen. You can end a story about her way every time you eat breakfast so you have a nice large stack of pancakes. I want you to think of virginal syrup and maple quips. That’ll do it for this edition of crude summer we will be back next week with another dose of audio pornography Don’t forget new episodes of distorted view air Monday through Friday. sideshow exclusive programs are typically Tuesday and Thursday it’s a great time to sign up become a true and honorable Break if you like what I’m doing go to Super freak sideshow calm right now. If you’d like to request a specific story from DVDs past to be featured on crude summer just email me show at distorted view calm or call into the voicemail line 206-666-4463 I’ll see you guys next week for another installment accrued summer and till then just a quick final reminder devious crude summer is brought to you by Adamandeve.com for a limited time get 50% off just about any item plus a bunch of free stuff. A little something for him something for her and a third item you’ll both enjoy plus six free movies and free shipping on your entire order. Just remember to use coupon code freak FREAK at Adamandeve.com

Music from https://filmmusic.io

“Lobby Time” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)

License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

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