Manage episode 183335226 series 1391704
What an intense interview this is, we covered so much ground and we had a lot of fun doing it as well! Chad is a wealth of fatherhood knowledge and shares a number of things with us, topic excerpts below. He was also kind enough to share a couple of family recipes! Images attached. I hope that you enjoy this one as much as I know that I did! Machine transcript below of interview as well.
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Married 20 years – 5 kids
Eagle scout being on college resume one of most noticeable parts
doing better as a country for fatherhood
doing one purpose with the intention
being active and caring as parents
the impact of having parents that were or are involved
not having to just be the coach other options available
video & carpool
the balance between mother and father
separation of parents and impact disruption of perception
more on homeschooling
factors that lead up to making the decision to homeschool
lack of sleep & losing your car
what expecting fathers need to hear
the creation of rules in the home
children and pushing the envelope
talking about the teen years
growing up in SoCal – learning a foreign language
sitcom dads bad rap
pausing the tv to give a lesson
every moment is a teachable moment, is that dad specific
great parenting book recommendations
raising positive kids
real family recipes (pictures included!)
Disney food hacks
Machine generated transcript below
Four three two one ladies and gentlemen this is Brandon Hanley I am your host for fatherhood for the rest of us and I’m on today with Charles Johnson the third we go by Chad right Chad and you got it and Chad was you give us a little bit of information about yourself you know your family make up where you’re living at right now at your current location and a little bit about your family five kids and you know what you do for work. Now prom happy to talk about that I’m married going on this be our twentieth anniversary this year pretty excited about that gosh that’s five kids. Three boys and two girls four of our own and one that we’ve adopted and pulled into the family which is been a tremendous blessing for us. Most of my kids are teenagers so I’m kind of on the second half of this the hood thing I’ve got I’ve got to away at college I’ve got one here that locally that goes to community college and then I’ve got to stay at home a fifteen year old and a twelve year old and we just were living the dream so it’s my wife stays home and homeschools and I work full time I’m a team lead for a sales team. Working specifically to help businesses set up their ability to take credit cards so for a large credit card processing company it’s up it’s a call center jobs a good job pays well but now I was looking to do two more and expand more. So what I do I kind of work so that I can spend the time with my family good hours I get to coach football I get to coach soccer and then also the scout master of our local Scout troop my two older boys are Eagle Scouts and then my own Dodgers Girl Scout gold. As her gold award which is like the Girl Scout equivalent to be Scout and my twelve year olds working on his eagle He’s coming up on it pretty soon into my daughter’s we’re going to her Go to my youngest daughter so while talking I talk about a lot of Yeah well he’s not at the Eagle yet but yeah he’s he’s only a couple steps away from it so he’s working towards it and he’s he’s made it his goal to have more merit badges than his older brother’s also so he’s only dated and he’s doing pretty well yeah he’s he’s pretty motivated and. Really enjoying it so Scouts will spend a lot of time scouting in the woods and. And actually kind of being sort of a father figure to other people’s voice too so it’s something that I really enjoy Oh absolutely absolutely what I was going to get to us aside I didn’t see that you do quite a bit of. The Boy Scouts were brought out on how did you get involved with. So good question my dad was a scoutmaster OK and it was in scouts and then I ended up not doing scouts my brother and I did something else it was kind of scouting but it was through the Y.M.C.A. and we still did it with yeah well as Indian Guides and yeah it’s OK in a guy so I’m still with my dad you know we still did a lot of stuff but it was a lot more playing and a lot less learning. So when we when we moved regionally grew up in Southern California and moved to the east coast we live about an hour and a half outside of Washington D.C. Baltimore now OK in the eastern panhandle of West Virginia. But then we called the four state area where there’s four states instead of forty five minutes me OK it’s pretty cool lot of neat things to see but when we moved here we got involved with Cub Scouts and some for my boys to do something fun to they go and run off energy and get to visit the police station and I got to visit the fire station and do all the fun stuff that the Cub Scouts do and the girls start. Girl Scouts and and we just kind of worked our way through and they finally wrote me into volunteering. And so I became. Like a cup master and not a cub master but Leica I ran one of the individual den so ran the bears around the run the wolves and then helped out with the Boy Scouts wasn’t planning on taking that over and then the. Our Scoutmaster retired and said Here you go. Five became the scout master we knew that about five or six years now so really just became a real big important part of our life and the lessons that our boys have learned especially through Scouts where you have to be a lot more self-reliant you have to you have to learn some survival skills you got to learn a little bit about yourself when you’re you’re climbing up a rock face or your repel aying or your you kind of have to confront some of those fears it’s been really good I love it I love it what what would you say do you have any any favorite boyscout moments you have any favorite I know there’s a lot of historical Boy Scouts you have any historical favorites. Well there’s a ton of Boy Scouts the current most famous boy scout at the moment would be our new secretary of state OK Rex I think it’s telling Tonnesen something like that and I pronounce it so he and he was a he was a long time Eagle Scout and actually served on the scouting board and was one of our head volunteers for a long time and so we were all excited to see him become secretary of state Absolutely and it’s neat to see people like that my son my oldest son is an Eagle Scout my second son is an Eagle Scout and having that Eagle Scout on his resume on his application for colleges and stuff was by far and away the thing he got asked about most Wow OK And he ended up at a military academy up at Norwich University of Vermont OK I’m studying computer science and cyber security. And it’s. That. The stuff that he’s learned in Boy Scouts about leadership and leading other boys has really translated well into what could be a pretty good military career or if you guys decide to go private sector he doesn’t know yet but it’s a lot of leadership moments a lot of a lot of moments where he saw a light bulb go off with a boy and he figured out that he really could do something you know and that that maybe what was holding him back the whole time was really him OK you know and that he could he could Pike a little farther you know he could cook that himself it wasn’t reliant on somebody else to do it for him right on so it’s been it’s been pretty cool to see Always be prepared for a that’s right you got it. So you’re third is there a fourth in the in the mix. I tried desperately to get a fourth and that was vetoed by wife said. That my family’s lack of creativity was not going to. Hinder her children it was pretty pretty funny discussions so we lobbied for a fourth pretty hard but my grandfather was somebody who’s pretty beloved by us and he’s passed on quite a long time ago and he held on long enough to actually be able to hold my son my oldest son sweet and so my oldest son is his and his middle name is Charles County MD after my grandfather so. Yeah and probably an hour after meeting my son it was like his life purpose had been fulfilled he met his great grandson and he passed so it was. Pretty special moment and it’s you know I’m not other kids also have family names as a middle name but so that was the closest thing I had to a fourth because. Yeah I was I had a I my grandfather was a second and I didn’t get any of that like father was I want to say a fourth third or fourth Wow I had like too many forts around and have four names like I mean they got like I was like. I kind of got a feeling I got robbed but you know what I did all right. Yeah yeah Charles was always a little stuffy so I’ve been Chad since the day I was born and a kind of a compromise between my parents when I was born we had like six chucks already in the family had a grandfather and uncle and. I guess like a step grandfather on the other side and my dad and my grandpa and so it was just it was already enough Chuck so so I ended up becoming a chad it’s you it’s yeah. Real quick for you you know you kind of volunteered out a way to hop on this pod cast and I appreciate that could you just tell me a little bit about why maybe you felt compelled. Yeah no problem it was honestly was the name your podcast is is all about fatherhood and fatherhood the passion of mine it’s something that’s important to me I run a Facebook page Facebook page called parent on purpose OK and it’s all about parenting you know I have one on marriage on purpose and faith and purpose but other parenting want to seems to be the one that resonates with the most people OK and I’m Father fatherhood something that we desperately need more of and we desperately need to do better as a country something that we’re sorely lacking you have a lot of homes where kids are growing up without a father without a strong father. And that’s it’s really it’s hurt our country as a whole. And it’s on the breaks my heart because I coach soccer I coach football and. Maybe a third maybe more the boys don’t don’t have a father at home or they don’t or or the man at their home isn’t their father it’s a step somebody or. And it’s something that’s desperately needed and I was incredibly blessed to have a very good father not a perfect man but he loved us and he he really built a lot of his life around me and my brother. And our friends and what we were doing put a pool in the backyard so that our friends could all come over and swim all the time and it seemed like a lot of my friends always wanted to be at our house growing up because you know we had parents that cared and were around and were active and I was wanted to be that for my kids. So it’s something that was important to me and when I saw that you’re somebody could making a difference and trying to help dads you know be better dads and I want to be a part of that I really appreciate that and that is that is exactly you know what this this is this is about it’s trying to help out some dads out there right and here and here in a story come from somebody like yourself or some from me a different aspect right if you will from someone like yourself or anybody else and hops on the so the message may be the same spoke a little bit differently but some was going receive it differently out there and again I appreciate I appreciate you jumping on board and participating it means a lot to me and so you know and my lot of questions you’ve heard tell us a little about your relationship with the father sounds like it was all some sounds like which is one of things or trying to carry forth that is very similar to how you grew up is there anything in particular. That struck you or grown up that was greater than anything else what would you like best. That you recall a man. I think probably that I had parents that were involved. So when we had. A field trip at school it was often times one of my parents that would come OK Some They both worked so you know sometimes we had to stay daycare had to stay after school or whatever so somebody got off work to come get us and I know that there were times when my dad had to work a Saturday or he ran his own business so his schedules reflexive all and I know there were times we went to bed. And he kept working because he had spent all afternoon coaching us on the soccer field right so he coached my brother and I soccer teams for years and then even after we’re talking about fathers my mom did a lot too but since you talk about fathers I kind of kind of stick to that. So even when I get to that the high school I was playing football in high school my dad still volunteered to film for the football team OK because he couldn’t be out there coaching but he could film that’s all you know on him and he’d help run people to track tournaments or whatever because I would I can’t run to save my life but I could throw discus pretty good so there so you know so he would he would be one of the car pulled ads and you know when the soccer team that high school soccer team was had to go to a tournament that was far away and we all piled in the van and dad drove to someplace nice so most of my friends knew my dad. And that just seemed normal to me and then the more I got out the more I realized I had something that was kind of unique because I didn’t know a lot of my friends dads real well I knew that I’m like I could recognize them but I didn’t hardly ever talk to them you know just Mr So and so when when do you feel like you recognize that you had something special. In your and well that and it’s OK to it if it’s actually OK to bring in your mother to the story that’s another another kind of aspect here that I had that would like to hit on any ways that you know what the balance that it takes as not just a father like the Father’s I feel like you know the stuff we needed but we’re obviously we’re not doing it alone we’re just starting so right little bit more I feel like wish on a little bit more now and you know let’s talk a bit about the imbalance that you witnessed and maybe the balance that you’re experiencing. Yeah. So. It I had great parents on Fort. Their marriage didn’t last and they got divorced while I was writing to be end of junior high I guess beginning high school and that that played a huge part of my life and then. My perspective on things. Pretty painful but my parents stayed involved with us at the same time so you know there was maybe they didn’t communicate very well with each other and that’s a whole nother podcast but the my teachers knew both of them OK my coaches knew both of them. So it was exactly like I was going away with anything you know they were still still super involved I’m still there to talk to you know. So so it does it it really takes two parents and I my heart really goes out to those that are single parents. I’ve got a lot of friends that are single parents and man that it’s just hard it’s hard I don’t know how people do it because what you would you mind just. Talking a little bit about maybe that impact on you as a child the divorce and it was a little rough. You know how to speak to that. It’s it wrecks your view of the world you know you’re you’re with the world as a safe place the world is something that stable the world is a good place and they all said it’s not. Something that is foundational in your life shattered disappears. You know and I don’t want to be overly dramatic but that that wrecked me for a long time it kills your own perception of yourself you know you wonder if it’s your fault and like Intellectually I’m old enough at that point to know it’s wasn’t my fault because I could see were both of them that messed up but at the same time like in your heart you wonder if I had done something different you know would something had changed if you know maybe I didn’t take of so much of their time but they’ve spent more time together. There’s a lot of stuff like that and. It’s there’s there’s a saying that I see over and over again that if you know the best thing you can do for your kids is love your wife well I like it. Yeah but that’s that’s something that’s important and that’s we’ve had our own I’m my wife and I have had our own struggles and you know have had our own difficulty sometimes but I can’t imagine parenting without her. She does so much she homeschools our kids and that has been a huge blessing it’s been a financial struggle and a sacrifice to do that but I can’t on that I couldn’t imagine a better teacher for my own kids my wife’s a teacher by trade that’s what she’s trained in and I have kids that have excelled at mentally academically and just their ability to think for themselves but I attribute directly to my wife and homeschooling. Because it wasn’t just learning out of a book it wasn’t just you know learning from my teacher in the classroom it was going out and doing stuff I was studying civil war we’re going to the local battlefield Oh OK No problem we’re studying the Revolutionary War of we’re going to Colonial Williamsburg we’re going to study about how rifles were made you know I just. Lots of interactive things and things where they had to think for themselves scouting played a big part in that. And a lot of the success that our kids have had is directly attributable to my wife homeschooling. It’s made a huge difference and and that that sort of interaction isn’t possible to do or would be incredibly difficult to do with a single parent with just one Oh absolutely. No doubt about that now how do you guys decide to and when you’re made with a background deciding to homeschool. Looking back now you know twenty years later one thousand years later. I could see the hand of God moving in it but at the time it was. Something my wife was teaching she had a student classroom you know that she was running she was teaching in a sixth grade class doing your student teaching. And then our son was born and kind of did the daycare thing a little bit. That was. He wasn’t cared for anywhere near as well as what she cared for him and there were a couple times where you know he was not given the attention that he needed and our youngest was a tremendous handsful he eighty eighty eighty with a capital H.. More energy than any human I’ve ever met before. Even still to this day super high energy now has come down tremendously he’s now nineteen and a straight A student you know off of the military academy it was to study computers and is excelling tremendously but. As a little person he was walking at six months running at ten climbed out his bedroom window a year wow imagine a one year old climbed out his bedroom window that’s not cool it’s insane. Oh no not. He would sleep for five hours and make a night maybe with no naps while we used to have to sleep in shifts. He was a crazy child he was and he was very sweet he was kind he was never mean but he had more energy than a human should be allowed to have. And we modified diets and it finally got to the point where we had somebody say look you you might want to consider staying home with him because he’s just not going to get the care anywhere else and so we were still in Cali. You know she was finishing up her school I was finishing up my school and he was very young and so. Out of almost desperation. As to give this child something to do that doesn’t involve him running in circles she started teaching to read and she started teaching him his phonics and his letters and at one point we ended up with like I think a four or five year old that was reading the second grade level Wow What do you do with a kid like that to put in preschool when they’re still learning their shapes and colors and the record kid like that ruin him and he became our little like super genius baby I mean for lack of it was just kind of a funny thing and. What do you do with a kid like that you keep her teaching him you you. Help feed that fire of his curiosity and he had a very curious mind he wanted to know how everything worked I made the mistake of teaching him how a screwdriver worked and came home to have my house taken apart. And I had four if I had a phone number the old phones used to hang on a wall and throw phone away because he took it apart and I couldn’t figure out how to back together. And this kid’s like five you know what he would he do you know it would he yell at a five year old because he took your phone apart now you’re going up I had taught him how to use a screwdriver to so you know have you have you ever seen Anchorman. Yes Will Ferrell You know with the dog it’s all that ever in the refrigerator and he goes mad mad no nothing mad and pressed that’s the rest of us is that’s how it that’s how I feel when I come home and they you know got into something or done something and. You know right they figured out it’s OK right exactly I had no press that we spent a lot of years we spent a lot of years low on sleep. Either with a funny story that my wife loves to tell that I lost a car I was working at at an auto repair shop at the time at a Sears Auto Center and I had run up to one of the local dealerships to pick up one of their used cars. We’re putting tires on their car and I left my car there because I drove their car back but we ended up having to order a tire or whatever and and I forgot and my car was still sitting at that car dealership and I came out at the end of the night and on you know eight hours of sleep in the last week and a half I went oh my god my car’s been stolen. Call the police had to have my wife come get me you know are our main mode of transportation you know was lost somebody stole it how could they. And this went on for like a week and a half and like I don’t know week we can have later my going to have to buy a car I was I was going through car dealerships and I was going down a main boulevard where we lived in Southern California and where all the particularly ships were and all of a sudden I I screamed and put my hands to my head and my dad thought I was dying or something and I said oh my God I know where the car is he said what did you just see it pass you will catch him you know did you see that stole it I said no go to the Chevy dealer man there was in the parking lot our little little to sell while sitting there in the parking lot just waiting for me to come get it they were they were getting ready to tow it away and had been sitting there we plug in half. And I had had such little sleep I had reported the stupid thing stolen because I didn’t know where it was and it was a week later a week before I realized where the car was that’s and that’s just complete lack of sleep my boss said I was a walking zombie for about a year and a half and I would he would he would give me tasks to do and I would do them and do them well but he had to only give me one or two tasks at a time because about the third task I’d get lost and end. Just that complete lack of sleep now at I’ll be forty this year if I had to do that now I’d be dead it would kill me but at twenty. This is amazing the stuff you do bad parenting little kids is like especially a little kid like that. Is it is a young man’s thing men not easy it’s not a father my God when I was so you know what would you tell somebody this expecting you know a father any age person. You can do it. It’s. You’re not going to know it all you can’t possibly know it all. But once you hold that child in your arms the your heart will grow three sizes and what you will feel for them you’ll find a way to make it happen for them you will want to fix all the world’s wrong wrongs you will want to make everything right you want to protect them you want to care for them believe in yourself you can do it. And it will be hard and you will cry and you will you will screen and you want to bang your head on a wall and. You can do it you can still do it I have not I’ve cried more as a father than anything else I’ve ever done. And I have laughed more as a father than anything else I’ve ever done. It’s more it makes your life more. That’s worth it and if you if you and your dear best hope is to do a good job and you hope that they become you know successful productive citizens and you know follow God and and treat other people well and and some days you’re like oh my gosh this is going to be the death of me and other days you’re like wow I got the best kid on the planet this kid’s amazing. And sometimes those will both happen in the same day yeah you know so it’s it’s just keep marching forward I guess the best advice I ever got was don’t have too many rules but the rules that you have their days they need to be in concrete their unbendable their. Breakable you don’t give on them at all so don’t have a ton a little stupid to check your rules teach him to think for themselves but have good boundaries for them so that they don’t you know hurt themselves you know they don’t run off the deep end what what would you give that as an example some of your concrete rules. Oh well some of them are our faith based you know love God treat other people with respect and those are don’t lie that’s a huge one death an instant death penalty in our house I jokingly said death penalty but it’s you know that’s an instant we have we as a strike system we finally had to go to that so a labyrinth on that real quickly somebody may be able to use that we do first strike his grace and we get God’s grace is new for us every morning you get grace every day you get a warning every day one that’s it. Second strike is a loss of all electronics for three days period no no power windows no how the door locks no puter no tablet no T.V. If somebody is watching T.V. in the room you don’t get to say or comment on whatever’s on because you have no say in anything and you’ll probably be sent to your room to read a book. And that’s been pretty traumatic sometimes for some of my children Sam joked on when he would talk in the same earlier about controlling the why fine band control of the electronics it’s everything misperceive when you get teens. Third strike is actually it’s funny because it was supposed to be the second strike and the kids all said no no that’s much worse so became third strike third strike a sentences and you remember the old school writing sentences at school well my wife is. Has a master’s in English and is designed sentences that will you have to pause three times and saying them and have more commas and you know so. They’re like three and a half line sentences with big words they’re not something you’re going to crank out real fast and use one hundred of them and it will take you seven sheets of paper to write them you know age front and back they’re tremendous they’re huge and that’s like worse than death how long how often does anybody read States three I think it’s only happened four or five times like never that’s where and some of the children it has never happened to their you because they don’t cross that line on most of them have have hit the second stage several times some of them hit the second stage regularly. You know and it’s funny because we’ve got five and they’re all different they’re all incredibly different so my oldest is is a rule follower by nature high energy no problem I as a as a little boy was very very difficult as a teenager was incredible was amazing. Because he was well spoken he was well read he was knowledgeable on ever topics could talk to anyone and we worked really really hard on basic social skills so I would have friends call the house to teach him how to answer a phone. Because we had to he had to learn all that stuff. So as a teenager art our kids have been delightful as teenagers because we did the hard work when they were little if your kid goes off the deep end and rebels and stuff. Sometimes that’s culture sometimes that’s peers sometimes that’s maybe you gave a little on when they were little when you shouldn’t have or know you know and that’s who’s to say what the combination is as a parent you think it’s all your fault and then the next minute you think it’s not your fault at all so it’s but it’s something that. My second son for example hit that number to strike repeatedly. To. Three times a month for six months. And once he realized that the rules were unbreakable and he would absolutely get a strike. He would fall back in line but he’s one that’s very creative likes to push the envelope likes to test the boundaries likes to explore new ways to do things he is aside from the creative part the one that’s most like his stubborn father. You know and he will he will bust his head on something until it hurts him enough that he goes oh maybe I should run into this wall and. So and so he and I have an understanding and you know and I understood my wife will go this kid is what’s the matter with this kid I met well I understand him completely right but I mean makes perfect sense to me. You know and so he took a little bit more corralling you know there were a few more consequences but again as a teenager has been a delight now those those becoming a teenager the puberty years are rough. Because they get the NX the know all of that but as a teenager now he’s a seventeen year old and he attends he’s on a second year of community college and he’s going to transfer to a four year university with you know sixty eighty units of school under his belt on wants to get his master’s in business administration very entrepreneurial wants to start his own business you know run his own business. Where my oldest is very much likes the rules and structure the military likes it kind of kind of joke that he was cut out of camel cloth you know so it was it’s they’re different and they’re different and you have to treat them differently but at the same time you have to have the same rules the same consequences so it’s and some will push you a little harder than others but if you keep those boundaries concrete keep those boundaries solid. They all turn out all right I don’t know that’s a very quick I was a prisoner Facebook wrote a little bit earlier and as like I saw you hit also Spanish as their Spanish culture and a family. A little but not a lot my brother married a second generation. Woman from Mexico. We have. A growing up in Southern California you had to know some Spanish it was essential you know or south of L.A. you had to know some spam. And you know it was a central life skill all my kids were taken some sort of Spanish classes I took time six years of Spanish OK I can speak with that with a pretty good accent but it’s it I don’t use it enough to be viable. And then have some friends you know that we growing up in Southern California you make friends with all different kinds of people absolutely and so I had Vietnamese friends Korean friends Spanish friends and they were just all friends moving to West Virginia was a little bit of a shocker it’s a little less diverse. So we took a long time for us to find a good Mexican food restaurant. And of the things that people joke about people from California is they they complain about all the rest of the states Mexican food because honestly it was terrible it was like Taco Bell with a sit down restaurant it was just what what what is this why is everything ground beef where is the carnie Assata was so when you leave when you leave California yeah yeah when enough exactly it was there in time California and we’ve been here now and this area’s grown a lot it’s pretty rural i like it’s a lot slower pace of life we can live on a single income a lot better here at a much higher quality of life than what we could in Southern California I mean that comes where we grew up in Southern California half a million dollars That’s where they start right. But it’s so a little love Mexican food love Spanish. Stuff in general I don’t know if you will one of things a that I find of sense just different cultures for right just right how how they how they differ right I celebrate the differences to be honest with you know I was I was just going joy seeing. What other cultures are doing and how we’re doing it differently and how we’re doing the same and yeah and sometimes you can find something that another culture does better and sometimes you can find stuff that maybe another culture could do better. And you try to incorporate those things into. Kind of your own life so a lot of other cultures do family heck of a lot better than Americans do this do they family’s more important family. Yeah extended family relationships are more important family gatherings are more important and I love that about a lot of other places in the world it’s something that we don’t do well here as Americans and something that we’ve tried to do a lot of. Could probably do better you know we can always grow and improve but it’s something that I think it’s worth learning and I think you know he’s from the sounds of it you’re doing and you guys are doing quite a bit as a family as a unit and doing some great things. When you’re in your doc you said you have got one adopted How does it starts. It’s less of a knock on that or Yes So we knew her for a long time and she was part of our our family extended family through Scouts as one of my wife’s cross Scouts. And had troubled home to say the least I don’t want to go too far into it but. Oftentimes needed someplace else to stay you know we were that for her OK and when she turned eighteen and we actually applied for guardianship for her because she was in a really terrible home really terrible situation lots of bad stuff happening. And applied for guardianship through her and unfortunately due to laws and and parenting laws and stuff. Just didn’t have any authority and the judge said we we know she would do better with you guys but unfortunately the way the law is written here in West Virginia she basically doesn’t have any rights until she’s eighteen period OK Other states are not the same but it was that way here and so the day she turned eighteen. She moved back in with us she’d stayed with us on and off for a long time and we considered her family it’s actually funny she’s got the same last name as us worked out it does this is it sure is this is no yes she’s And all of our pictures she’s been in all our family pictures for years she goes on you know trips and stuff with us and and so she’s ours now we totally claim. You know when people ask who she is she’s my daughter Of course she is you know I would I’m going to back stories or all of that. And she was somebody that just we phone love with as a family and she filled I don’t dislike is like one of those things with a family people like oh well I don’t know if I could ever have three kids you’d be surprised when you have that third kid it was like a missing puzzle piece was in your family and all of a sudden it’s naps into place and now your family’s great but it was like she was our missing puzzle piece. And we love her to death love her like one of our own kids. Help her through a pretty rough situation but she’s got to go on a lot of occasions and stuff with us and super proud to have her as part of our family very cool very cool whatever this kind of a little fun section for me anyways what. Do you think best represents you. Oh my gosh. I’m a little scared to answer that one. Obviously don’t watch enough T.V. to be able to answer that is funny because some days I feel like it’s Homer Simpson. Because I’m feeling like Oh my God. All this stuff is happening but he’s kind of an eighty so maybe not that one but you can be a mix you can be a mix of yeah I don’t know. You know I always I was like I’m almost was afraid to say Bill Cosby but on the sitcom on the cost me show he was he was a cool dad but he had good boundaries and he was good there for his kids now unfortunately as a as a guy later in life he turned out to have some issues but on the causeway show was I was somebody I looked up to was I was somebody that I thought was man that I could be a dad like that that be pretty cool but I I really I had a great example as a dad again by death not a perfect man and he had his issues but at the same time he was a cadet right he was there and very involved so I don’t know I don’t think sit coms in general are it’s a fun thing I like the question but sitcoms in general are really terrible the dads the dad is usually the fall guy the dads usually the dads usually the moron. And I did just in general sitcoms don’t treat dads very well fair enough I was I was a fan of. Jason Arnold prick and wonder years when your I.O.U. yesterday you know I didn’t think it out did it and he didn’t get it he didn’t get beat up too bad he just uses all yeah all of the fall it broke at the end and. That’s what I think of when I think of some a sitcom you know yeah and I guess you go back a little farther yet silver spoons and you had family ties and I love the saloon Yeah there are some there are some good dads there I guess I was thinking more you know the sitcoms I watch with my kids like kind of roll my eyes I’m like man that Dad That’s an idiot it’s funny because we’ll talk about it everything to teachable moment so like you’re watching and you’re watching T.V. and and you might hit the pause button every now my kids hate it when I want to see them but I’m like yeah we just had a curiosity what do you think would happen if. You talk the way that kid was talking to your mom we’d be dead so so it would just be dead is it is it just me is No I find yes every fricken moment in that passes by my eyes is a teachable moment is that a dad specific thing does or white do the same thing because of my muscle to find it like a teachable moment in every thing not so much my wife I think maybe it’s a little more overt with dads because where maybe a little more direct or maybe were a little more. Rule or entity or lesson oriented I don’t know it’s a different way moms and dads work different. And you know it’s like OK here’s a lesson you should learn memorize this it’s a good lesson you know neither a borrower a lender be just you know it you know it’s you know it will throw those things out there you know up penny for your thoughts what have these little sayings I’m up to and have sayings like that for the most part she just she’s a teacher and she has a much better teacher than I am and I love teaching but she’s she’s much better at that and I am and our kids she integrates she says I guess maybe there Morse moms are more sneaky about it so maybe dads are like hit the pause disrupt the show hey that kid’s an idiot what would you do you know that situation and they’re like OK it’s your question but I think moms are sneakier about it they’ll be my wife will be like oh really we’re having trouble with honesty and she’ll assign a book where the main character has to struggle with honesty and and learn their lesson and become an honest person you know and I think it’s one even know that that’s why that book was assigned but that the character has to go through a transformation and learn to be honest or something or learn to be hardworking all the kids that kids not want to work very hard we’re going to sign a book that really the character the main character has to test the learn how to work hard or something I think moms are just sneakier about it. That the dads are starved. Suave about it now. You’ve got to cook the food before you eat it you’re good with that doesn’t like Speaking of books I mean. I think you and I listen to LA a couple of similar pod casts and there’s a lot of reality goes on out there on self-help or you know. Improvement of self do you have any of that you have read that or pear related that you may recommend. Oh yeah I mean there’s there’s a bunch I could name off the top of my head so. In my mind just about any book you could pick up from from day James Dobson to pick it up and read it James Dobson Yeah he was the main person for Focus on the family for a long time it’s a Christian parenting faith based organization he has a book it’s called Bringing up Boys there was tremendous He also has a book called bringing up girls honestly I had a lot more trouble bringing up boys than I did the groceries here so bringing up boys was a great one I think I have I think I purchased and given away that book no less than six times. No less and because we did. We ran the elementary school Sunday school and church for a long time and did that run the children’s minister for a long time and released that age group and it was inevitable that I would have a mom crying on my shoulder about oh my gosh my my tween age son who’s twelve is disrespectful and disobedient and he started using bad or whatever. And that has been a phenomenal book that I have purchased and given away repeatedly Yeah hey you know you’re not crazy you know there’s a basic steps here some things here some practical application here some stories of people who did it right. So that’s a. Other One. There’s. A book called boundaries that was really good that’s more of a self-help kind of introspective book Dobson had a book on tough love it was really good. If you than those tend to be pretty heavy faith based I know you probably have a diverse audience but my faith is super important to me I will turn to the Bible constantly looking for God show me something because I’m a lose my mind I’m on I don’t know what’s going on I don’t know how to fix this you know what to do with this child you’ve given him to me so I’m obviously supposed to have him but like something’s got to some got to change what am I going to do. So you know they are says they are but are you are flipped the book open to put your finger down kind of. Not usually I’ve been studying it long enough that I kind of know where to go and the time that we live in is an amazing time we now have electronics resources that the founders of the church only could have dreamed of and so you can go you can basic Google Now you know Bible Bible verses for parenting or something and they’ll be you know twelve hundred websites with twenty five bible verses for parents or something and you can get that instant wisdom super fast now lots of great devotions and stuff if you want something that’s that’s has a lot of the same principles but maybe is. More of a recognisable kind of a self-help name as Sig Ziglar had a parenting book and probably sitting on my shelf. Raising positive kids in a negative world I was a great one I love time as example is phenomenal and listening to him is hilarious because he’s funny and he’s right and he raised great kids he had a strong solid marriage he was somebody that with a weird name it was worth looking up to and had a lot of good things to say. And it’s one of the things. When I’m I’m learning from somebody the first thing I’m going to do to decide whether I want to learn from them or not someone to look at their life OK And I want to look at how their family was are you going to teach me about parenting cool how are your kids your kids or are tyrants and crazy that’s not happening on your book just got thrown away you know but oh look your reason a good smart kids and OK you have got some struggles and. You know I mean shoot even Billy Graham had a kid that went crazy I mean come on you know but that kid ended up back and is now one of the run some of the large preaching you know in the U.S. So it’s it’s. There’s lots and lots of great resources out there. Now shoot I would just say anything by James Dobson if you can find some by James Dobson and he’s been out there for so long go to used book stores he’ll probably have forty books in there and if there’s a parenting or marriage topic that that he hasn’t written on I don’t know what it is so there’s a great of additions great recommendations that family of five. To another kind of humorous one for me anyways I like to cook and I’m always like here trying to figure out new and fun meals but you know what would you recommend or do you have a favorite meal for a family of five. Favorite meal. Well you can you can eat on the cheap or you can eat. Something more expensive we have a family favorite meal that is actually a recipe of my grandmother’s I think it’s from the fifty’s I’ve no idea where it came from but it was always Grandma Grandma George’s chili keyless and it is it is crazy stupid simple I’ll give it in a nutshell it’s basically chili and you make your own chili some some ground beef yes throw some kidney beans in there some chili powder you just have you like your chili olives which is the one thing I don’t. Put in my chili but Gramma George always had all his and hers that’s fine and then that’s it it’s a block of the Eat it cheese. Like a whole block you like all block of the heated cheese and it turns into like cheesy chili soup and you’re like this looks terrible and then you dump an entire bag of Fritos in it. OK this is if you’re dieting if you are watching your waistline don’t eat this but as a special meal and we probably eat it three times a year maybe kids will ask for it for their birthday or something or will be on I think the last time we ate it we actually Disney World OK and we made it as a special treat you know at Disney World. One week because we’re trying to save money and cook in the condo or whatever or Disney World so we might spend you know fifteen dollars for a hot dog. Or just of that last year. And so yeah and that’s if you ever if you’re going to Disney World or Disneyland or some poor sort of resort place like that here’s a super easy tip that will your budget will love you take your crockpot with you oh we’re going to be in the park all day no problem throw a bunch of stuff in the crockpot and then you’ll walk in your room will smell amazing it’s low temperatures not to say anything on fire and if you can if you use crockpots at all it’s a great way to eat on the cheap again without eating out and stuff you know while you’re at the park and we saved a fortune small fortune feeding I think there were eight of us there. Yeah there’s eight of us and we had big huge industrial sized crockpot and one of the big huge oval ones and we had cracked by dinner most every night so chili keyless would be a family favorite I guess along but the Fritos go back to Chile because the Fritos actually suck up all of the cheese juice and become soft like tortillas and chili keyless is a Mexican dish this is this is like a. Totally Americanised bastardize version of it it’s the one nine hundred fifty S. you know. You know beehive hairdo version of chili keyless with. Its And they say it’s the Fredo suck up all the cheese juice and it becomes a thick cheesy chili stew with like tortilla chips running through it and it’s pretty freaking amazing and then it’s even better the second day so you eat it and it will always make it by the huge batch because there’s a ton of us first of all and then also everyone always wants leftovers. So that that’s a nice treat dessert wise would be we have an inch. And a Clare dessert that came from my mom inside of the found from my grandmother I think on that side and it’s actually growing up I used to ask for it instead of birthday cake so I liked it so much and it’s again one of the stupid easy recipes it’s I do a lot of the cooking the family if you can’t tell it’s graham crackers in the bottom a casserole dish just graham crackers and then you mix a it’s vanilla putting and cool whip so you make the vanilla pudding and let it set a little bit and then you fold in a big jug of cool whip and you put half of it down you put another layer of graham crackers half of it down another layer of graham crackers and then you melt chocolate over the top I make my own chocolate with Baker’s chocolate and powdered sugar and all that I melt it all and you just poured over the top and then refrigerated overnight and it and the graham crackers get soft it absorbs some of the juice out of the putting you know whipped cream mixture and it becomes that it’s like a like a Claire lasagna. And that we make out of No twenty times a year. Probably probably will make it and then. And we’ll make it for like for potlucks one month and we won’t make it for another month or two and then we’ll make it for a bunch of Pollock’s again and I’ve never ever taken that to a potluck and had leftovers after I’ll see how you go ahead I don’t see how you can chat I’m going to I’m like I don’t have to ask you for these recipes I can post them on the site you could be OK with that I have to get every second to that would be great I think that if it’s not the listeners to me I’m going to love it. Hold on. I lost you. Oh oh oh there you go there yeah you know we hold on because I’m kind of OK There we go plus there we have a cool. They have a schedule has a phone call. Still it’s all good stuff so real quickly we’re just about to wrap this up I got to to kind of luck for you. There what went down like a lot as if your children were to pick this audio up ten years from now what would you tell. Oh man. Ten years from now I’m trying to think where they’ll be there probably be a granddad at that point because my kids will be. My oldest ones will be you know almost thirty. So I’ll say. Trust Scott. Trust that his plans better than yours. Trust that his rules are there for a reason. And I’m proud of you. I’ve watched my kids make some hard choices I watch my kids excel and grow. And you know have and you know hopefully you know I plan to still be around in ten years and I’ll get my grandkids in and you know. You know. It would be interesting in ten years where everybody is that because at that point my youngest shoot he’ll be twenty two so I won’t have any kids in the house anymore. So I don’t know maybe I’ll be. You know hopping around the world with my wife I have no idea but. I just I’m proud of you I think would be the thing that I would most want to tell them after trust Scott just just I’m so incredibly proud to be their father and to have watched them grow up I see it is an incredible privilege. To have. To have been their father was an incredible gift and something that has been a lot of hard work too but. Yeah I think that’s probably it that’s that’s one of those things like it would be good to think about because and where do you where do you want to see kids in ten years and some worth pondering. I’d like to do it every once in a while I think it’s I think it’s a fair idea I think it’s a fun question. It’s a great question. Which I want to thank you again for Spend of this time and you know stepping out of the ledge and just kind of jumping out there put yourself out there and get on his pockets I think it’s been I think that anybody picks through this one and gets through it’s going to find something and they can help him out to be Sir Where else can people find you online. All right don’t have a website yet I’ve got a couple websites that I’m working on I’m hoping to have it. I’ve got a couple of Facebook pages that I run once parent on purpose I find it on on Facebook. One’s marriage on purpose. And the other one is faith on purpose. And then of course on Facebook it Charles Johnson the third we can even put in Chad Johnson we probably have a million and a half it’s if you put it to Ted Johnson that I’m a little more selective about. Who I friend just because I’ve got a lot of kids I’m. Page lots of scouts It’s lots of soccer players lots of and he’s always got to be careful especially with other people’s kids in their pictures but man follow me on on those pages and I hope to have a website I’ve got the domain names already but up to have a website up and running for for the on purpose family OK in general is now are those open groups or have somebody yeah they’re well they’re open pages at the moment I’ve been dabbling with starting a group but at the moment I’m there open pages I post on I’m almost every day I try to post something inspirational something you know I try to not be too political on I’m While I may have strong political beliefs I realize that there’s a lot of other people who have lots of other political beliefs but family something that we should be able to agree on pretty well about how we can we always want to be better parents we all want to be a better spouse. You know and some of it’s just funny how Larry studios that maybe kids do and some of it’s hey did you know that this stuff was happening you know be more involved in your kids’ schools and you know maybe out there making a difference kind of thing Fantastic thanks for sharing but and you know hopefully you get to some people over see your purpose families Well I’m sure they’re going to find some great content over there to be some great all thanks that’s very nice absolutely.
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