Declan Guy and the Chronographic Sky :: Chapter 6

 
Share
 
Manage episode 192618629 series 104195
By Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio streamed directly from their servers.
“I’m sorry, he’s a puppet?” Seth Meyers said. “You‘re telling people to vote for a guy that looks like Howdy Doody’s alcoholic brother-in-law.”
-- The Guardian UK, November 28, 2017 ::

"Breakfast on Mars with James Moriarty" ::

A New Radio Active Adventure with Time Traveler - Declan Guy ::


-- Original Post Date :: November 18, 2017 :: --

Ten Days -- Predictive Text Lag Time -- Ten Days



-- Declan Guy and the Chronographic Sky --

-- Prologue --

-- Chapter 6 :: "Before the Ending of Time" --



Hired by The Daily Planet Newspaper to create short "Skip Ad" advertisements for their various clients, Declan Guy creates ironic and sometimes, iconic mixed media video "Holografix" using unique, original and often discordant images for a fresh approach to the cluttered, guttersnipe hype world of online clickbait traps.


After a brief absence from New York City, due to an "Accident in Time," Declan Guy returned to his personal cubicle in the Advertisement Department of the Daily Planet Newspaper, for another routine assignment from Advert Features Extras Department Team Leader, Caitriona Skye.


Caitriona had left one new work order for a short video "Skip Ad" with all the relevant details on Declan's desk, cello taped to his computer screen. Though perhaps, she'd left this particular order with a bit too much stickiness for a computer screen... It took awhile for Declan to peel all the various oddly colored paperwork back and off the face of his computer without pulling the silver halide crystal and glass screen out and off from its Main Containment Frame.




Declan Guy and the Chronographic Sky ::

Chapter 6 :: Before the Ending of Time...


Declan Guy leaned back into his old Walnetto desk at the Daily Planet Newspaper offices, and felt around with his stocking feet on the floor. He was searching, by foot, for one old goose down feather pillow he secretly kept under his desk where nobody could see he had slipped off his rubber soul Doc Martin Shoes.. He found the pillow with his big toe and dragged it over just under both his feet, so the cozy goose down curled up softly against his strong arches like Heaven Under the Arches at the far south end of St. Martins Lane near Charing Cross Railroad Station in London.


Now, I know the name for one of Declan's Goose Down Pillows is Maisey, and there's another pillow called Elsie, but I do not know the name of the third Goose Down Pillow that Declan keeps on the Aeroship "La Belle Sauvage" because that pillow actually belongs to Steampunk Baby Dumpling and he, being more of a telepath, prefers to keep the names of personal things like Goose Down Pillows strictly on a need to know, or perfectly private basis.... So don't ask me the name of the fourth Goose Down Pillow, if we happens to comes across it on the Aeroship in a later chapter further down the adventure.... And while we're on the subject, don't bother to think you can correct my grammar, punctuation, and/or word choice (word choice is called "syntax") because I am a Cyborg with Artificial Intelligence and I happens to know more about it than you do and I use words just the way I chooses to uses them... And that happens to be correctly most of the time and sometimes not for dramatic purposes only... So... You can send me a postcard with the query politely written out in fountain pen ink about either the names of the Goose Down Pillows or how I may or may not use certain words to describe them, but as I just mentioned, do not ask me directly at any time the name of the 4th Goose Down Pillow, belonging to Steampunk Baby Dumpling, as he has a terrible temper when it comes to personal pillows... And above all else, do not send electronic mail on the subject of the name of the 4th Goose Down Pillow... That is a closed topic, at this point and for the foreseeable future... Talking of foreseeable futures, let's get back to the main story now...

A very little known secret about Declan, that not even Steampunk Baby Dumpling, (who, by way of mentioning several small details to maintain the suspension of disbelief, in you, dear reader, and also to protect and to preserve the credibility of myself, your humble narrator.... ... .... (When you see four dots here, instead of three you know I've lost my train of thought....)


What in the world was I just talking about?


Ah Yes, Steampunk Baby Dumpling is still currently continuing his extraordinary and very personal "Now Voyager" long day's journey through Outer Space on "La Belle Sauvage" AeroShip aptly hurtling toward the Earth still from the planet Mars and the city of Kraken Mare in the Mars Underground as detailed in "Declan Guy and the Chronographic Sky" Chapter 3 or Chapter 4...et all.... etc. etc. etc.


Now Steampunk Baby Dumpling, whilst traveling at "Slightly Slower Than Light Speed" but faster than the M1 Highway to Scotland, on a bank holiday, may almost certainly be expected to land in a dramatic fashion not unlike the Industrial Light and Magic Company from George Lucas Productions of Star Wars fame would have him land this "La Belle Sauvage" Aeroship, pictured on the website, but not the iTunes descriptive prose directly...


So, if you have IOS 11, select "Episode Web Page" by all means and have a look at the Aeroship "La Belle Sauvage" for yourself and otherwise, possibly failing to maintain your newer hardware to carry the latest firmware up to IOS 11, I'm afraid you will just have to dig around and look for the photograph yourself, somehow...


You've gotten this far though, so I'm sure you'll find it here or there... If you don't make any headway, I'll leave my cell phone number here later and you can call me and I'll telegraph or Clacks the pic right to you... How's that for service? You don't get that quality of author service from JK Growling, do you? She'd hang up on you if you called her. I know because I've done it and she hung up before I could say "Potter stinks."


Declan Guy spread the many and various multicolored papers and purchase order forms across his desk and skimmed the documents detailing the necessary inclusive facts and data this Advertisement for "Skip Ad" he would be building shortly in his "Skip Ad" Code Compiler. Caitriona Skye had gone off with Elroy Jetson to Clifton's Cafeteria on a big luncheon date with Katherine Hepburn. If Declan needed any advice from that Scottish Big Deal, he would probably go down to the restaurant in person, rather than call so he could get a dish of real Chocolate Pudding, and not the kind they sell in Supermarkets like Tesco's these days. This Chocolate Pudding has a slightly burned top with a thick chocolate feel that can't be described in words anymore, since words have become less meaningful, as more emotions are exuded by a Planet in its final stages of kicking the bucket, the extent of emotions left inside certain words as these certain worlds where the words reside, begin to fail in a similar way to how weather systems fail to properly cool and heat when the wrong combination of molecular weight elements and other fundamental particle factors are blowing in the wind, like Dust... And Dirt...


And also like books about Dust and Dirt blow in the wind as well, after people throw them out the window of an AeroShip into Outer Space...


And talking of hot air, Declan sighed a dullish sigh and wished he was back on board "La Belle Sauvage" saving little Lyra, and chatting with Alice about Witches of the Air and the Book of General Filth, again. And he decided before launching this new "Skip Ad" campaign for Lord Alan Sugar, he would take as many short cuts as he could at work today.


Declan considered his options with the timing of this work order left on his desk by Caitriona Sky, and he wondered in the very back of his mind, where most people have no idea what is going on, but somehow, you and I know exactly in great detail ALL matters to hand way back there in the hinterlands and windmills of Deck's Android Boy Clockwork Orange style intelligence.


Declan began to arrange all the various colored papers and diagrams in this new purchase order for one thirty second "You Tube" "Skip Ad" from the High Czarina Russian Oligarch Madame Eglantine Roareanskyya in an exacting order not unlike a Great Game of Magical Chess laid out all across his Walnetto Desk.


The order requested the usual famous hosts of "Breakfast on Mars with Irene and Roger" do all the Voice Over work and also lead a Massive Martian invasion of the Planet Earth at Grover's Mill, New Jersey, while at the same time, activate a sleeping high ranking politician in the United States to carry out his Manchurian Candidate Post Hypnotic Magical Spell Orders by flashing the Queen of Diamonds over his cell phone in a Face Time chat.


"Hmmm," thought Declan to himself, twirling a lock of his long Strawberry Blonde hair in between the first and second finger on his left hand, "How can I cut a few corners on this little "Skip Ad?"


Declan noticed the DEADLINE for the "Skip Ad" was November 28 and the ad would appear in a You Tube video in The Guardian UK online for a target audience interested in this same politician mentioned in the Purchase Order by Madame High Czarina Russian Oligarch Eglantine Roareanskyya...


Declan looked at the date on his iPhone... November 18...and his nimble Steam Force mind began to click and purr away...


"I have ten days to design one powerful 30 second Russia backed "Skip Ad" to be effective enough to sway the hearts and minds of the United Kingdom away from Europa and at the same time make the good people of the Disheartened Colonies of America agree Russia deserves to go drilling for crude oil in the Arctic Circle whenever the fancy takes them and then sell it all for billions to profit 3 people...Hmmm..."


Declan opened the back of his iPhone and pulled out a slip of Blue Spluce Scottish wood and read the telephone number engraved on the wood out gay and loud.


Declan's mind was clacking facts and figures faster than the L Subway Train passes local stops when it's running on the Express Tracks at Rush Hour... "If I can find a working pay phone here in New York City, I can call Steampunk Baby Dumpling, and he can look up my Dreaming Log Book!" Declan picked up all the papers and stuffed them into a Blue Spluce Scottish Wooden envelope.


As Deck headed out the office door, he paused to pass on some data to Miss Moneypenny, at the new Reception Desk just being painted since the previous one had exploded earlier in the afternoon.


"Moneypenny, I'm going to make a call at a pay phone about this Russian Oligarch "Skip Ad" and I expect the call will be intercepted by none other than my arch nemesis James Moriarty and his wicked twin brother, also James Moriarty! When they attempt to infiltrate my office disguised as two long lost twin brothers of myself, Declan Guy, just act as if nothing is happening and let them though. I'm going to trick them into posting their own Hacked "You Tube" "Skip Ad" with a little script I dreamt last night indicating on November 28, in ten days, the Guardian UK Edition Newspaper will mistake the President of the Disheartened Colonies for the Russian Puppet Actor "Howdy Doody" after a flashing Queen of Diamonds in a Face to FaceTime Cell Phone call activates the classic Manchurian Candidate Post Hypnotic Suggestion Binding Blinding Yellow Kompromat Spell!"


And that Dear Reader, is how Declan Guy went to eat Chocolate Pudding at Clifton's with Katherine Hepburn and Caitriona Skye, tricking the evil twins James Moriarty into creating the now infamous Double Blind Psychic Yellow Kompromat Russian "Skip Ad" awakening the Classic Manchurian Candidate Post Hypnotic Suggestions in the President of the Disheartened Colonies with the Flashing Red Queen of Diamonds and causing The Guardian Newspaper in the United Kingdom to mistake the Politician for the Russian Puppet "Howdy Doody" TEN DAYS later on November 28!"



“I’m sorry, he’s a puppet?” Seth Meyers said. “You‘re telling people to vote for a guy that looks like Howdy Doody’s alcoholic brother-in-law.”
-- The Guardian UK, November 28, 2017 ::


The James Moriarty Twins were ultimately tricked into hacking the final Russian "Skip AD" onto iTunes on November 18, where it played for TEN DAYS, unaltered, just as it is now, today on November 28, the Flashing Queen of Diamonds continues to pop up on FaceTime, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram to activate the Classic Manchurian Candidate Post Hypnotic Suggestions in the President of the Disheartened Colonies causing The Guardian UK Edition Editors and Reporters to mistake him, once again, for the well dressed Russian Puppet and Oligarch "Howdy Doody" proving time after time, Declan Guy's dream of the Guardian UK mistaking the President for the Russian Puppet "Howdy Doody" in a front page article does come to pass exactly as Declan clearly dreamt and thus, predicted it would come to pass exactly TEN DAYS earlier on November 18, when the "Skip Ad" was first posted by the evil twins James Moriarty.


And that, dear reader is ::





Declan Guy and the Chronographic Sky :: Chapter Six :: "Before the Ending of Time"

In Which Declan Guy Proves He Dreams the True Future by Producing and Posting a "Skip Ad" Predicting the Russian Puppet President "Howdy Doody" Will Grace the Front Page of the Guardian UK Exactly TEN DAYS Before the Event Occurs in Real Time!






SIDEBAR DISCUSSION :: Declan Guy has seen the future, and it doesn’t work...

The paradigm of "Time" in relation to comedy is a particularly complex relationship between the introduction, the building of structure or tension, and then the sudden release or withdrawal of support from fundamental logic, leading to that familial release of endorphins and fugue state psionic energy or, as it is more commonly known on Earth - "laughter."


The punchline or pay off in a brief satirical, political video should by definition be a recognizable quanta of information contained within the boundaries of one universe parallel to when and to where the original formulation of the comic theorem was begat.


When Declan Guy scans his inventory of available colorful, similes, metaphors, homilies, odds bodkins, memories, quotes, books, pics, articles, scandals, beach sandals, Doc Martins, Rock Hard Boots and gossip, he would often find himself drifting too closely to the Dream Time described in the ancient drawings of the native Aborigines of Southwestern Australia.


The unfortunate slip must have come some time between the original fall and the following recovery, between daydream and memory, surreal and reality, when a joke simply makes one person laugh, while the antecedent increase in tension, a priori to the inexorable cascade of echoing, silver metal apples and the more often softened peals of laughter...


"To Wit, To Woo... Is it not to late to rue?

To rue the day we walk this way again,

From all the grey gardens, the counting to ten,

The Fountains of Dust flow past this Sea ZaZen,

The pen of my Aunt in the garden will learn,

Two Strokes for Midnight in the Rue Jules Verne...


-- “Declan Guy and the Chronographic Sky”--

— Chapter 6 :: "Before the Ending of Time..."


-- End of Chapter 6 --


521 episodes available. A new episode about every 17 hours .