Communication is like a freeway

Growth Marriage

A few weeks ago I had to get to an important appointment. Lots of important people were at this meeting. They couldn’t have it without me. I was nervous. Wanted to make a good impression. Maybe even impress some people I really admired. I got in my car, drove out of the suburbs where I live, and got on the freeway only to realize… … it was COMPLETE GRIDLOCK. Bumper-to-bumper. A semi-truck had flipped, blocking nearly every lane of traffic. My anxiety levels shot through the roof. I started to sweat. I got angry and panicky. The man in the car next to me was screaming at the improvised parking lot of cars in front of him. He was trying to wedge himself between cars in the next lane. It was obvious he wanted to get into the emergency lane and drive around everyone to get off at the next exit. Few things are more stressful and anxiety-provoking than unplanned traffic on the freeway. And few things are more convenient (and taken for granted) than a freeway where traffic is moving freely. In your marriage, your freeway is your communication. Remember when you first fell in love? One of the best feelings in the world was feeling like someone really got you. You could be 100% yourself, and they would love you and accept you exactly as you were. No walking on eggshells. No pretending to be someone you’re not. Best. Feeling. Ever. You could talk about anything! All the lanes of communication were wide open! But then… for most of us, reality eventually sets in. You have an argument. You get your feelings hurt. Your partner is dismissive, insensitive, or uses “that tone.” It’s like an “accident” happening in one of the lanes of your freeway. Suddenly, communication doesn’t “flow” like it used to. The relationship starts to feel tense. You’re riding your brakes in areas where you used to just cruise on through. And, if you don’t clean up the “wreck,” it can actually lead to other careless fender-benders. More lanes shut down. Your communication freeway becomes gridlocked. Lots of anger. Lots of stress, strain, and anxiety. Lots of frustration. Very little trust. Very little productivity. Very low connection, joy, or satisfaction. What’s the solution? YOU HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE ACCIDENTS AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE! Sometimes it’s as simple as pushing the car off the road and having a quick exchange of information. Sometimes it means calling in the paramedics and a tow truck. (Maybe a good therapist?) If you don’t clean up the mess of conflict quickly, it will destroy your ability to communicate. And nothing is worse than expecting to be able to connect, bond with, and coordinate with the person who is supposed to “get” you better than anyone else on the road… But there’s just too many past arguments, mistakes, and hurt feelings in the way preventing you from that connection. If you are experiencing “Gridlock,” and you don’t know how to clear the path so you can re-open all the lanes of communication in your marriage, a GREAT place to start is with the . Think of it as AAA for your marriage. We give you the resources you need to deal with anything from a flat tire to a 20-car pileup. You can rest easy knowing that you have everything you need to keep your lanes of communication wide open.