A Game Called “Inappropriate”; Unwanted Family Reunion- Ask Dr. Leman 79 (Episode 173)

Have a New Kid by Friday with Dr. Kevin Leman

How would you react if you caught your nine and eight year old playing a homemade game called “Inappropriate”? What about a family reunion your teen would rather skip so he could attend a track meet? Dr. Leman answers these two questions on today’s episode with his usual wit and wisdom.

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Question #1 Nissa:

I am a temporary Single Mom for a few months while my husband is away at Basic Training for the National Guard.

I caught my nine year old daughter and eight year old my son, in my daughter’s room, both in their underwear. I asked what was going on, my daughter said she came up with a game called “inappropriate”. I am at a loss as to HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS! If there is anything you can give me, I would greatly appreciate it! I want them to know how serious this is, but I don’t know how I should deal with it.

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

First of all, this is not uncommon. At this age, kids are thinking a lot about sex. At 10 and 11, they are talking about it.

The best follow-up would be to sit down with them, still in their underwear and talk to them immediately about what they are up to. Ask each one to talk about what is going on. Let them both describe their game.

Tell them why this is so serious. A great resource to read is my book, A Chicken’s Guide to Talking Turkey with Your Kids about Sex.

Now, use this as an opportunity to create dialogue with them by reassuring them with words like, “I am glad you have curiosity about sex, and Mom and Dad are the people you should talk to about it.”

Question #2 Melissa:

I have an out-of-state family reunion that my 16 year old would rather skip so he can attend a track event. Would it be bad parenting to allow him to stay home with relatives?

Dr. Leman’s Answer

There is nothing wrong with leaving him behind. However, there are lots of things in life that are not fun, and we would rather not do, but we must anyhow.

I like to ask myself this question: “In ten years, will it matter?”

Family is always first priority for me. They have an influence in his life, they love him, they will always be family.

This is what I would tell my son: “I know you don’t want to go. Suck it up. We are going!”