Episode 115 - Go Go Gadget Fleshlight (ft. Officer Kevin and Officer Grant from Thought Cops)

Here's What I Don't Get

Breaker breaker, this is Big Daddy HWIDG, I'm haulin' a load of go-juice to Spud Town and I got me a bit of trouble. Seems like there's an expired lot lizard in my cabin. Picked it up at a pickle park bout 50 miles back and I think it got into my West Coast turnarounds. Any good buddies willing to help me out at the next choke and puke, I'd appreciate it. I've got some spicy contraband for anybody if you help me out. Let's see, I got a bunch of primo hoochie flicks here, Miss Friday: Panty Detective, Volleyball Locker Room Warmups, and:

- Quoting Orwell
- Super Bowl Halftime Shows
- People that only watch the Super Bowl for the Commercials
- Slow Deaths

1984, a dystopian classic. A warning for the people of the future. A brutally honest prediction of American government. The perfect Twitter quip fodder? Unfortunately so. Because the public school system forced you to read it in 8th grade, at your peak rebelliousness, you remember none of it outside of the same things everyone else does. Big brother is watching you! Facecrimes! And everytime the other political party is in power, the other side pulls it out on Twitter like a kindergartner's hand-turkey. Oh. You traced your hand and turned it into a turkey?! I've NEVER seen that before!

Hey, let's take a 20 minute break from the carnage of 22 men trying their best to almost kill each other. For your amusement, we'll bring out a either a washed up singer from 25 years ago who absolutely does not sound like they used to, or the new hotness that will confuse all the older white men. Guaranteed at least a 50 disappointment rate, why don't we do something else? A charity field goal contest, a sports trivia contest, taking all the money it would cost to put on a halftime show and burning it set to soft jazz like those Christmas yule log videos.

Speaking of that big game, the other big upset is the ads. A lot of people don't follow the sport but still like hanging out with friends that do and eating nachos and drinking terrible beer. You could be honest and say you're there for the free food, but instead we come up with "I only watch for the ads". Which is a decent enough lie, except think of that person that truly does enjoy being advertised to. Imagine that person that enjoys a bit of fresh advertisment. Do you want to be them? I didn't think so. So when your buddy asks who you're rooting for, tell them you're rooting for your stomach vs. those chili-cheese dogs.

Doctor approved voluntary euthanasia. We need it. People should be allowed to go with their dignity and mind intact. Is it was? Sure. They're still dying. But to do so at peace? Surrounded by their loved ones? Before cancer or what have you wrecks their body and medicine does even worse to their brain? I'd take that in a heartbeat. Tim here, I'd like to take this last portion of the episode write up to thank all the listeners for their well-wishes. It means a lot.

All this and more on this cybernetically enhanced episode of the podcast. We've augmented it with voicemails, voting, and more! Join us on DISCORD and support us on PATREON for even more shenanigans! Check out the Thought Cops at www.thoughcopspodcast.com