Manage episode 179397404 series 92437
This is session number 135 of the Absolute Mind podcast and this was a request. You know who you are so thank you and I really do hope you receive value from it. This show is all about recovering from a break up with your partner.
1. Remind Yourself of Everything and Be Real
It's very easy to think back to an old relationship and only thing of all of the amazing times. This is catastrophizing thinking and only leads one way.... To feeling worse. Be honest about the good of course and be pleased about it, but also remember the bad and the downright ugly and embarrassing.
2. Allow Yourself Some Time and Space
When you think about all of the emotions that come up after a relationship breakdown. You really need to bear in mind that this will take some time to recover. Give yourself some breathing space, your brain will be going over thinking about things like the frustration, the anger to hurt or the pain. all of these are not helpful in any way, but they will present themselves in the early days the time and space really are your friend.
People work through emotions in various different ways, but one thing is sure in the early days the feelings are most present will be sadness and upset. Expect this, but don't beat yourself up about it an important fact to understand about this grieving process for an ex is that as each day passes, those feelings will begin to subside and you will begin to feel better.
3. Time for You
Relationships mean that two people come together in some way. Now there must be a benefit in being on your own and finding yourself once more! What I'm suggesting here is that there is time to rediscover yourself, and find the you that you really are.
Relationships are all about finding a happy medium, and doing what's right for you, your partner and overall the relationship. when you not bound by these restrictions you can really begin to find the true you. You may be fortunate enough that the true you is the one you see every morning in the mirror now. But in most cases, people hold back in certain ways and don't find their true self when they're in a relationship.
So spend some time to find the true, real you.
4. Time for You Time for Change
We are creatures of habit, this is one of the problems where the relationship breaks down because a part of our habits and our routine suddenly disappears. The phone doesn't ring when it used to, the texts don't ping at lunchtime and life changes cried dramatically.
This sudden change in circumstance and situation means that your life does change, but if the breakdown was not your choice, then it can feel like your life is falling apart around you.
So it's time to take charge, spend some time doing things that you wouldn't normally do, or didn't used to have the time to do. They could be things like salsa dancing going to the gym learning a new skill. Now don't see these as ways to distract yourself, is more like ways to improve and become a better version of yourself, because you're actively using your time as you choose to.
5. Questions Are The Answer
The quality fo your questions defines the quality of your feelings. Beware of faulty questions loops.
Why Me? Who will they go out with now? Will they be better?
Change those types of questions to:
Why am I better because of that relationship? What have I learned about myself? What changes do I want to make in my next relationship?
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