Walking Through Our Pit of Despair Without Totally Losing It! #187


Manage episode 204383675 series 2286599
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Will you join us in hearing how we walk through our pit of despair without totally losing it because this may be helpful for each of us to remember the next time we get overcome with a wave of fear, anger, anxiety, frustration, misery or depression, whatever it is. This might make it a little easier. I know for me it's helped me a lot to hear what others of us do going through these challenging times. First, it helps me to be detailed because when we communicate the details, then we can picture the situation more clearly. Thank you for reading about day 187 of Happier People Podcast and I hope you enjoy it! Walking Through Our Pit of Despair Without Totally Losing It! Here are the details of my situation. I find sharing the exact details helps much more then generic references like "it was difficult" or "I was frustrated" because these can be hard to relate to. I went through through the pit of despair, the dark corridor last week for about 24 hours. Here's what happened as I originally recorded it 24 hours afterwards and then got it transcribed and edited here! Last week I had been working on an event for Steem I was very excited about for about a week. We made the announcement post for it and there was a lot of initial excitement and good response. 24 hours after that, I wake up and see messages on my phone, missed calls, messages on Skype using words like "disappointed, frustrated," etc. I went online on the Steem post to find the words "frustration, disappointed, etc." were posted there frequently and I triggered off at that point. I triggered into my own fear, anger, my own guilt and shame. I began the walk through the dark corridor of despair. Walking Through Our Pit of Despair Without Totally Losing It! I tried to negotiate. I tried to just make things better. I tried to control the other person by basically getting them to stop. I tried to be agreeable and edit my post and the name of my event, and none of that modified how I felt. I shared about it with everyone who would listen. I went to my massage therapist. I talked all about it with her, I talked about it with the girl at the front desk, I talked about it with the business owner of the massage place, and I talked about it with my wife. I talked about it with my mother, I prayed about it and after all of that I cried about it, I got mad about it, I plotted revenge, I thought of the amazing posts I could write, I thought of ways I could attack back, I prayed to try to be nice. I went to my Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and listened to two people talk about their experience drinking. I did everything I knew how to do to try to feel better, and the result was by the time I went to bed my mind was still racing. I was still miserable. I laid in bed for two or three hours without falling asleep after already being exhausted. Thank God, I nodded off for a little bit at one point. I then woke up at around 3:00 in the morning and laid in bed for most of five hours again in the torture chamber of my mind plotting revenge, thinking about, "I'll show them this. I'll do that. I'll do that." I prayed, "God please, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want all these thoughts. I want to go to sleep. I want to be nice. I want to be kind. I want to remember who I am." Walking Through Our Pit of Despair Without Totally Losing It! Then, I woke up the next morning just exhausted because most nights I get good sleep and that last night is an exception. I woke up just exhausted wondering how I'd get through the day and what I found was a motivation to talk about this, to say, "Look, I just got through a deep pit of despair last night and I'm here and I haven't hurt myself, I haven't hurt anyone else, I haven't gone through with any of my amazing revenge plans and I don't plan on doing it." I've learned a few things that I hope are helpful to talk about because all of us go through this no matter how successful or a

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