Eps 226: SOLO SHOW Parenting in the age of Covid-19

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By Casey O'Roarty. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.
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Hey listeners!!

I am recording this Sunday, it will go live on Tuesday – and I can’t not talk about Covid 19, the coronavirus – because it is absolutely right here, right now, and the reality for the world right now.

I want to start with whoa. I mean, whoa right? This is a weird and wild time. We are facing something that few of us have ever experienced before – the news, the leadership, the unknown – it is all right there.

Dr. Shefali, author and conscious parenting guru called this time a chiropractic spiritual realignment. I have been listening a lot to Dr. Shefali, she has been live streaming so much goodness through her FB page and her group, “Superpowered: Transform Anxiety into Resilience.”

I love her take on the world because she speaks so much into being with impermanence, being with uncertainty.

Because ---- impermanence and uncertainty aren’t new – you all have been listening to me talk about this for the last six months and beyond as I navigate all the fun with my teens. I know you are in your own practices, because you let me know! I get emails nearly every day from listeners that reach out to let me k now that my story is their story, that they are in the muck with their kids and they feel so good to know they are not alone….

You aren’t alone. ALL OF US live in daily uncertainty. We never know how things are going to turn out, although MANY of us live under the illusion that we do, under the illusion that we can control the events of our lives…. Now, we have influence, of course, but control? Yeah, no. We ALL have the unexpected show up in our lives – good, bad and ugly – we make plans, we cross our finders, we do our do, and what happens happens, right?

I have been fascinated by listening to people share about how there isn’t any MORE uncertainty because of the corona virus – it just feels that way because we have been under the impression that we know what is going to happen, we had our routines, we had our rhythm, we knew what to expect each day. But this pandemic has yanked that comfy security blanket away and we have no choice but to stare down uncertainty – and oh man, ITS SO FLIPPING UNCOMFORTABLE!!!!

Sigh.

Ok, so I am here to help.

Yes, it’s uncertain, and yes, we have kids to raise and jobs to try and do fro home and bills to pay and oh man they all eat so much!!!

I reached out to the members of my patreon group and asked them what their biggest challenges are in this new normal.

Here is some of what they shared:

Audrey, mama to 4 year old shared:

Challenges: keeping my fear and anxiety under wraps. They can show up as irritability and impatience. Also, never having a break because there’s no adult to relieve me. My 4 year old complaining anytime I take time for myself or the meals I’m making (they’re lacking creativity).

Gratitude: extra time to do art with her. All the outside time with her when the weather allows. The fact that my mom is taking us seriously and being very careful. That I have really awesome neighbors in case I need some thing. That I saved all the old cloth wipes and the wet bag from when I cloth diapered, in case I really can’t get TP.

I love that Audrey mentions how HER fear and anxiety can show up as irritability and impatience, I am ABSOLUTELY noticing this with myself as well. And it’s funny, I am not in a panic and tell myself I’m not anxious, and yet, the anxious energy is still manifesting in my short (ish) temper with my son, sorry Ian.

This is super key:

  • How are we taking care of ourselves?

  • What are we doing to release our fears/worries?

    • Meditation – some of your fave people are offering live streams every day

    • Journaling

  • Yoga – Fightmaster yoga 90 day fix

    • Be in nature – LISTEN TO NATURE

We have no choice – we have to get creative and take care of ourselves. Slow down. Well, we have no choice but to slow down do we, now is the time to create some new habits in taking care of ourselves.

Kristin, mama to 3 boys, 9, 11, 13 shared:

Challenges: school is like medicine for my kid with ADHD and my other child with anxiety.. without it they are really struggling and I'm struggling to stay afloat and healthy in my responses. I'm finding gratitude in that I know this is going to teach us to get back to the basics and to find joy in simple pleasures.

Yes! Love that Kristin brings up “School is like medicine” for her kids – all the more useful to create a rhythm/routine to your days. I am not talking about the color coded routines that have been floating around FB and IG – although if that is working for you great! I am talking about working with your child to CO-CREATE routines for this time together. When are they getting up? What time if breakfast and are they helping to cook it? (yes! They should!) what are you all focused on during the morning between breakfast and lunch? What is happening at lunch, another great time for the kids to contribute!! What is happening between lunch and dinner? Where is there learning time? What is learning time for you? What does that mean? Do your kids have teachers that have sent home work? Online? IF yours are little – how are you PLAYING? Because this is where they learn – through play. Create a rhythm, try it for a week, tweak it as needed after that first week.

Symone, mama to a 15 and 17 year old wrote:

Challenges: trying to not over analyze ever move my youngest is making - is her lack of interest in most things including doing online school, going to slide into the big depression she was in at the end of last year? Not being able to look forward to going back to Australia in August if flights are still cancelled- will it push her over the edge?

Gratitude- so thankful we still have FaceTime and internet to feel connected with friends and family. Also grateful for every glimmer of interest in doing something with us outside of their rooms!

Yes! I Love the gratitude here. It IS so easy to slide into the what ifs – what if we trust that our kids are going to be just fine, even if they aren’t super motivated to do their online school? What if we remember that one day will will look back at “that one time when there was a global pandemic” and see that while it made an impact in our lives, the disruption to academics was the least of our worries.

This is an amazing time to take some lessons from our homeschooling and unschooling friends…. What do your kids want to learn about? What are they curious about? What can you study – you don’t need to go anywhere when you have the internet. AND acknowledging my privilege in having the internet. But really – let them lead!!

Heidi, mama to an 11 year old and an 8 year old, and long time client and friend wrote:

Some of the things I think about can be viewed as both/and. Grateful to be working from home And it can be a challenge as this is new for many to navigate And I recognize that some people do not even get this as an option. Grateful for time & space for things to slow down, enjoy little things, recognize when kids ask for my attention and when sometimes I have not been as present as I could be. And it can be challenging to try and figure out how one day we were with other people and now we are not.

We do not live in an area/neighborhood so we do not organically see others outside unless we go to people. So far we haven’t even gone to visit grandma & grandpa across the lake and so far the kids haven’t wondered too much about this.. though I know that other little cousins are visiting them today. I try to reframe social distancing with physical distancing.. and still, this is so hard to wrap my heard around for a long period of time. can we eventually go hang out and be firm on that when we do so we will respect each other and stay 6 ft away from each other. This is all new. I am a hugger! :)

For home school, I am grateful that my kids will be able to help navigate this for themselves once they have information from their teachers next week- AND I am not a teacher. My son has had a great year, will this impact him? My daughter struggles in math and this has been a big year with a new math curriculum. How will this impact her? For me, I am grateful for having been practicing Positive Discipline, and my work with you, Casey to have that as a foundation for me & my family- we actively have family meetings, routines.. that this is all practice not perfection. My kids each have a white board and are in creation of helping to make their own routine. - which I thought was cool to see. as often when I make a routine it is like, ugh and an eye roll. The word of encouragement I try to lean into is to allow space for Flexibility.

Yes, yes, yes to FLEXIBILITY!!! And I love how Heidi speaks into the things she already has in place that are supporting the whole family during this time – routines and family meetings.

And speaking of family meetings…. I have recently revamped my Family Meeting Ecourse, which is 6 emails over 6 weeks that support families in creating this new, and super powerful routine. I am making it available FOR FREE for families that are ready to go next level with it. I have also added some other resources to a webpage to support you due to the context we currently find ourselves in.

If you are interested, go to www.joyfulcourage.com/corona

Family meetings, routines, self care. THIS is the foundation we NEED to be present and flexible during this time – to be WITH the uncertainty that we are staring down.

Finally, Melissa, mama of three wrote:

Challenges: similar to others, I have struggled with not having space/time away from my kids! I'm trying to juggling homeschooling all 3 because they thrive when learning in a structured way.

Gratitudes: my neighborhood that has really risen to the occasion by offering each other support. Also I am taking this as an opportunity to reassess our priorities. For instance, if none of us miss swimming lessons, why were we ever doing them?! Why don't we always go for walks / play games etc ?

YES – love this message of simplifying our lives!!! Reassessing what is important. You know who is loving this pandemic – MOTHER EARTH. She can breathe again. Her waters in many places are running clear. We humans have been on this crazy consumer roller coaster and this whole thing is forcing us to STOP.

And the opportunities that exist when we are forced to stop and slow down? Time together. Time to soothe, to tend, to BE. Slow down.

Big thanks for my patrons for all their contributions to this particular show – I made the ask this morning and so many jumped in to share about their experiences….

If you are interested in becoming a patron, it’s super easy! Just go to www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage and sign up to be a part of the Super Fam. You’ll get to join our FB group where I do weekly lives on Mondays and Podcast recaps on Fridays. And starting this month (tomorrow, yesterday J ) I am going to do a monthly “office hours” on zoom where parents can show up and get some coaching from me. Check it out – www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage

AND, to get your hands on the FREE resources I have available for you all right now – go to www.joyfulcourage.com/corona -

Don’t forget – the Sex Ed for Parents of Teens is happening April 6th – 10th. Cost is $29 until the day we start, then it will jump to $49 – enroll now – you don’t want to miss it. The guests are fantastic, the conversations are relevant and useful, you’ll get a gorgeous ezine with all of the content from the interviews inside…. So good. Sign up now at www.joyfulcourage.com/sems -

All the links I’ve mentioned are in the show notes.

I love you all – stay healthy! Stay home! Wash your hands!!!

I will be back next week with an interview for you all <3

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