It‘s Time to End the Fertility Bias: Our Shame in Shutting Out Those Without Children

Judaism for the Thinking Person

How often do people say to me, "Rabbi, Rosh Hashanah is not about prayers, theology and sermons -- it's about getting together with family!" or "My grandfather was a model Jew because he was committed to his grandchildren" or "One does not know true awe until one has had children." And how often have I as a rabbi said similar things at a bat mitzvah or baby naming from the bimah, or when explaining a prayer like the one that says "You shall love God...through diligently teaching your children..." How does this feel to the unmarried, the willingly child-free, and those whose lives are not geared around children or grandchilden? How do we treat them in our community: as souls committed to covenant (perhaps more than those with children), or as incomplete human beings watching from the outside? Why aren't we talking more about Miriam, who has no husband or children in the Torah? Or about the Mother of Israel, the historical creator of the Israelite nation, the prophetess and leader Deborah? It's time we stop and realize that L'Dor Vador, from generation to generation, does not refer just to one's own children, but to the future of the Jewish people, something the childless and child-free often understand in a way that we can learn from them as our teachers.