You Can Get Herpes Without Having Sex, Here’s How

Life With Herpes

We’ve all heard the saying people talk about sexual diseases and don’t catch one. We’re taught in sex ed “or maybe we’re taught” that having sex can lead to STI’s, in our case herpes and other things. And so with that said we go out into the world and become sexually active and think that the only way we can get “something” is by having sex. The other big thing we’re told is that if you use a condom then you’re fine but that’s another whole topic.

So…today I want to talk about way’s herpes can be transmitted to protect you and you’re partners.

Before we go into the sexual ways herpes can be transmitted let's do a little breakdown on why and how herpes is transmitted.

Also if you want to get the full deets on herpes you can click here.

Herpes is a virus and it’s skin to skin transmission. So, in other words, you catch herpes from touching someone else who has the herpes virus. Don’t freak out, this does not mean that if you touch someone you’ll immediately get herpes or if you have herpes you can never have human contact again. What it means is if you touch someone in the area that the person is infected in then you’re at a pretty high risk of contracting the herpes virus.

So for example, if you have genital herpes and you hug someone then you are not at risk of transmitting herpes. Unless, of course, you used your genitals to hug someone...lol. So does that make sense?

Here’s another example, if you have oral herpes and you have sex with someone and don’t kiss them then the person is not at risk of getting herpes.

I just want to clarify that if you have oral herpes you have to use your mouth to transmit it and the same thing goes for genital herpes, you have to use your genitals to transmit herpes.

Now that we have an understanding of how herpes transmission works let’s go into sexual ways you can transmit herpes.

Oral sex - Ok so most of us don’t think that STI’s or STD’s can be transmitted with oral sex. But the truth is it can. In fact, herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, HPV, and hepatitis b can be transmitted through oral sex, the only thing that’s 100% not possible is pregnancy. What this means is oral sex is not a great solution to not having a condom or an easy way to “not have the conversation” about safe sex. Oral sex transmission is just as probable as vaginal sex. THere’s a lot of new herpes cases that pop up from just having oral sex.

Anal sex - this is not as common as vaginal sex or oral sex however, you can still transmit herpes and other STD’s with anal sex. This again goes back to the skin to skin transmission. The herpes virus likes the anus just as much as other parts of the genital area. In fact, that's typically where I get my outbreaks and I know I’m not alone because there’s a lot of members in our secret society who get their outbreaks there too and are confused about why it’s there.

Foreplay - I looked up the definition of foreplay and basically to get to the point its, sexual behavior that precedes sexual intercourse. What does that mean or what does that cover? That means that there’s touching! Whatever you and your partner want to do during foreplay is up to you but my guess is that there’s some type of skin to skin contact and I’d say the majority of the time there’s no condom or protection being used. So just because you’re not having “sex” you’re not out of the woods. Herpes can still be transmitted.

Spooning or cuddling - Ok so you’re either keeping it PG or you’ve just finished either way there’s a possibility for herpes transmission. A perfect example of this is after sex the condom comes off and there’s potential cuddle time. And with cuddle time comes skin to skin contact. And with that comes the potential for transmission. Or you’re not even doing anything sexual but you’re spooning while you’re sleeping and you guys sleep naked. Again...it’s skin to skin and potential for transmission.

Ok so what’s I’m trying to get across is a couple of things. 1) just having sex doesn’t transmit herpes 2) you really need to communicate with your partner about having herpes 3)please don’t let this stop you from having skin to skin contact or be afraid of touching your partner.

I want you to think about are if you’re engaging in sexual activities such as oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex, foreplay then you need to be using protection aka a condom the entire time. Not just during the act of sex. Use it during foreplay and be responsible about using it. When you’re all done take precautions and if that means putting on your underwear to cuddle then do it.

By communicating with your partner you guys can talk about what you both feel comfortable with. When couples are in communication about having herpes it makes it so much easier to prevent transmission.

Back to this communication thing, and condoms and not telling your partner, I think I’ve painted a picture of how herpes can be transmitted even with using a condom. Because say you used a condom but didn’t use it during foreplay...boom that was skin to skin.

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Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

Learn about the Herpes Outbreak Toolkit:

Need to talk confidentially about herpes?

Oh Yea and in case you need Herpes Outbreak Essentials

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