Finding Your Own Confidence – Episode 13: PaleOMG Uncensored Podcast

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Happy Saturday! I hope your weekend is absolutely lovely and not painfully cold like it’s going to be here in Colorado. I’m so not into it. And don’t tell me not to complain – I’m a Colorado native, I earned my complaints!

Anywho, let’s talk about confidence. I thought this was a great topic to go over because it’s something that I struggled with for a long time. About 23+ years. And working in a gym and online with many, many women, I often see other women struggle with it as well. So I thought this would be the best platform to really talk about what I struggled with and how I pushed through those negative thoughts. And I think it’s good to remember that confidence is ever-evolving as we grow and change!

Here’s a quick run down of what has worked for me (listen to hear full details and I’ll have it transcribed soon!):

  1. Ridding myself of the relationships that created negative experiences and negative energy and bringing positive relationships into my life
  2. I stopped looking at magazines and certain social media that made me feel insecure. It wasn’t other people’s fault I had those feelings, but I had to recognize how I felt and why and face the changes I had to make
  3. Finding CrossFit, lifting, and competing in CrossFit
  4. Stopped comparing myself to others
  5. Faced my own inner demons
  6. Stopped obsessing over food
  7. Stopped competing in CrossFit when it was no longer making me happy
  8. Stopped caring what others thought of me since I like me!
  9. And I stopped obsessing over the little things that were meaningless

Those are the things that made me the happiest person I’ve ever been in the last 4 or so years. And I hope just thinking through those things and thinking about what truly makes you happy and acting on it, gets you to your happiest place in your life! Listen to the podcast then let me know if you have any questions or if I missed yours! Thanks for asking all your questions, I have so much fun answering them and they make the podcast way more exciting!

See all previous podcasts here!

And don’t forget to rate, review and subscribe to my podcast on iTunes or Stitcher!

And if you have any podcast topics you like me to cover or chat about, feel free to leave your suggestions below!!

Episode 13 Transcription:

This is Juli Bauer from PaleOMG and you are listening to PaleOMG Uncensored.

Juli Bauer: Well good morning! I don’t know what time of day you’re listening to this; and I don’t know why I’m saying good morning, because it’s 5:15 p.m. on a Friday night here. But you know what; it’s been a busy f*cking day, so I’m going to call it morning. Because that just sounds really nice. You know what does not sound really nice? I’ll tell you what. My best friend; my maid of honor; she’s the best girl in the whole wide world. Literally the f*cking best. Her birthday is tomorrow, on Saturday. And you know what she decides? She decides that she wants everyone to run a 5K for her birthday. Take a second to think about that. That’s f*cked up. Ok, that’s f*cked up.

I always say I hate running. I don’t hate running, I just don’t like to do it for long bouts of time over a mile. It’s just really boring to me. I don’t want to f*cking just keep my legs moving. Not interested. But she’s all into trail running. Does marathon; whatever they’re called, triathlons, just that kind of sh*t. gross, whatever. So she wants to run a 5K for her birthday; cool, I’ll run a 5K. I’ll do whatever you need me to. The problem is; tomorrow, in Colorado, it’s going to be negative; the race is at 11. It’s going to be -1 degrees outside; or is that degree; degree? No plural. -1 degree. Oh, she’s texting me right now. Whatever Laura.

So we’re going to be running a 5K because it has not been canceled yet. In -1 degree weather. What the f*ck? Why can’t she just be normal? Why can’t we go to brunch, get buzzed on a Saturday afternoon? Do what normal people do on their birthday? So disappointed in her. I can only talk sh*t about her because I’m pretty sure she doesn’t listen to my podcast. If you do, Laura, I love you, but whatever. You know what I’m going to ask people to do on my birthday? F*cking nothing, because I’ll be eating Thai food by myself at home, because that’s my happy time. Maybe hang out with my husband; I don’t know. I like being alone.

Anyways; last night we went ice skating. So they have this rink. I got engaged; I don’t know, like 2 years ago at the clock tower downtown. My husband proposed at the top of the clock tower; so f*cking cute and romantic. He’s the best. And at the bottom of the clock tower right now, in Denver, they have an ice rink set up. It’s like set up by Southwest Airlines. And you just pay for skates; you just pay $2 for a pair of skates, or bring your own skates. And it’s a super tiny rink, but you can just rink; uh, rink around. You can just ice skate around the rink, and it’s just joyful, and there are all kinds of lights up and it’s all merry. And luckily it was like 50 degrees the other night so it was pretty much hot ice skating; it was wonderful. Because I f*cking hate the cold. And afterwards, we went to a restaurant; it was called Blue Agave. And we were kind of worried, because nobody was in there. And I’m like; well maybe this is a sh*tty restaurant. And I had the best scallops ever. Ever. The scallops were so, so good. And they were in this chipotle cream sauce; which people always ask me where I get inspiration from; there you go. I’m going to get inspiration and make chipotle cream sauce scallops soon. They were so, so good.

So that’s what I’ve been up to over here. I just got a box of chocolates, so I’ve just been snacking on those. I made cupcakes today. I made some champagne cupcakes which will be up on the blog; just in time for New Year, so you can ring the New Year in sugar high. {laughs} Alcohol is bad for you, but when it’s mixed in dessert, it’s totally good for you, right? Totes.

So anyways that’s what’s been going on over here. My brother-in-law comes into town. He’s a senior in college, and he comes into town tomorrow with his girlfriend, and we’re going to do cool stuff. My husband has to go to the Broncos came with him and his girlfriend; which, jokes on him, because it’s supposed to be like 15 degrees outside. So, football and cold weather; that’s literally my f*cking nightmare. So lucky I don’t have to be a part of that, and I can just support from brunch with my friends.

But, we’ll have him and his girlfriend in town and we’re going to do fun stuff, like zoo lights here in town and maybe go to a show at comedy works, and yeah that would just be wonderful, because he’s the coolest brother-in-law ever, and he’s growing up, and I get to see it before my eyes! How adorable is that? When I first met my husband, his brother was playing his senior football; like they won the championship of Nebraska; I don’t know how that stuff works. But he was playing football in high school; and then he went to college and played football and I got to watch all that. And now he’s going to go on and do cool stuff after his senior year of college, and that’s so cool to see. So cool to see how his life is panning out. It’s just so fun. It’s so fun. He’s the best.

So anyways; that’s what’s been going on over here. And that’s all I have to say about that.

5.57

So anyways. Let me grab a sip of water, because I feel like I’m going to start yawning, and get in trouble. Ok. So today I want to talk about self confidence. Because self confidence was something I lacked for a very long time, and once I found that confidence; which I’ll kind of go over this, it’s ever changing and you build up confidence over and over; it’s not something you just have and you have forever and ever and you’re the best! It’s something you have to work on. It’s something I’ve had to work on for a long time, and I just wish I could tell my younger self; f*cking snap out of it b*tch. I wish I could just go back and shake her. So I hopefully can kind of just help others find their own confidence, because feeling sh*tty about yourself is the f*cking worst. Because you have to live in your own mind every single day. So it’s just not worth being miserable every day; right? We’ve got to work with what we’ve got.

So let’s kind of start talking about those. I asked people in my weekly workouts post on Monday. If you ever are wanting to ask a question, every Monday I ask if you have any questions about the upcoming podcast. So always look in my weekly workouts post, because I ask all kinds of questions there. I didn’t yawn; don’t worry. I didn’t yawn; stop judging me. I swear.

Ok, so I’m just going to kind of tell my own story about confidence and how my own confidence came to be and what worked for me and what didn’t work for me; and then I’m going to answer a bunch of your questions. So let’s get going!

Self confidence was something I had nothing of growing up. I had a little bit in elementary school, but who’s not confident in their self? You’re just like; whatever, I’m a kid. I just go on with my daily life; confidence is not something you really have to worry about. It wasn’t until middle school when I wasn’t cool; the cool girl hated me, and so she just said bad things about me and then I would believe those things, and didn’t really like myself; thought I was ugly. Just like the normal bullsh*t that I think a lot of people go through. Not everybody, but I think a lot of people go through that. I think that’s kind of normal stages of growing up, as well. It’s just something you go through.

But it was like middle school and into high school that I really started doing the extremely terrible negative self talking. Just saying; you know, whatever negative stuff I could. That I hated the way I looked. I would literally stare at myself in the mirror, and be like; I cannot find one thing I like about myself. And I was like; I’m not good at school, I’m not good at taking tests; I’m not good at sports. What am I good at? I have nothing to offer. And that’s the internal battle that I battled all the time. It was so f*cking stupid. It was terrible; and I just beat myself up every day, and it was just ongoing for so long. And I felt really that way until probably 23, 24 I think. It was many f*cking years of feeling that way.

I think those feelings were amplified a lot by the people that I surrounded myself with, and those people often had the same behaviors I did. So my behaviors thrived off their behaviors, as well. So it was a lot of just ongoing behaviors because of those people I surrounded with. But you know; when you’re in high school, you only have a certain pool to choose from. So I only had so many friends that I could hang out with.

It wasn’t, honestly, probably until I found Crossfit that I was really able to find my confidence. I remember walking into my first competition; first Crossfit competition. And I lifted; and I say lifted; I mean I was just doing regular biceps curls; just the normal gym lifts, but I remember how good I felt when I was in the gym and I felt confident while lifting weights and there were all dudes around, and it felt really good to be able to walk into that weight room and be confident about what I was doing in the gym. And I just remember that feeling really good; but I just wasn’t confident about myself. But I remember walking into this Crossfit competition for the first time, and it was some big competition, and I was working as a; god, why are my words not coming out today. I don’t know; I was helping out at this competition {laughs}.

I remember seeing these women, and there were all sorts of women, all shapes and sizes, different height, different abilities, and they were all cheering on each other. It wasn’t about how skinny you were, or how you looked in the gym. These women had like tiny shorts on, butts hanging out, sports bras on. And there were women with cellulite, and they didn’t give a f*ck about their cellulite; they gave a f*ck about what they were snatching and how fast they were finishing in a workout, and if they were beating another person. It was no longer about looks, it was about performance and how hard you had worked leading up to that moment in a competition. And I wanted to be a part of that.

I never felt a part of anything; I was never in a church group, I was never really in sports. I always wanted to feel part of something, and have something that made me want to be a better person. I think for a lot of people that’s religion; religion leads a lot of people to want to live better lives, and better themselves as human beings. And Crossfit was that religion for me. I wanted to better myself as a human being. I wanted to be able to put more into this world than this lonely, unhappy f*cking person. And seeing these women on the gym floor, just putting out all their effort. And it wasn’t about looks, it was about how hard they were working. It was just such an eye opening moment, and I’ll never forget that. I still remember, even the women I was watching. If you’re in a Crossfit community; I remember watching Stacy Tovar and she was at this competition, and it was just so amazing to see these women, and I wanted to be a part of that, and I wanted to be part of something as awesome as that.

So, for me, once I started doing Crossfit, I started doing it on my own. But when I joined a gym, Crossfit was really that moment that made me a more confident person. I was able to work out with men who were 10 times stronger than me, and I could hold my own in workouts. And that was really a huge ego boost for me; that I could hold my own if I worked really f*cking hard. And at the beginning; no I couldn’t hold my own. I could barely do 10 burpees without having to sit down. I had to work to get to that moment, and that’s what was so fun about it, was I continued to work hard, and I continued to see more results. And before I was like; what am I even in the gym for? Why am I here; I’m just on the elliptical or Stairmaster for 2 hours. Cool, you were on it for 2 hours; what are you seeing? Are you seen any results from it? And the answer is no.

So Crossfit was what got me my first stepping stone. And ridding myself of those people; those negative people in my life. I’ve had friendships that I’ve ended because they were not supportive of a healthier lifestyle or a happier lifestyle. There are some people who don’t want others to be happy. And I’m sure most of us have had friends or even family members that are like that, and they want to drag you down with them. So I’ve had friendships that had to be ended because of that. I have a family member that I do not speak to because of that.

We get to choose; you know, you don’t get to choose your family, but we get to choose what relationships surround us, and if we are constantly filled with negative relationships, you are never going to be a confident person because this negative relationship is dragging you down. Whether it’s a friendship, a relationship, a marriage. Any of those relationships can really push you in a great direction or pull you in a really negative direction. So getting rid of those people in my life was really a second step, I guess you could say, to becoming a more confident person.

xxxxxxx

Let’s see; sorry, I’ve got to look over my notes and make sure I don’t f*ck up, like I am now! Something else that actually pretty early on happened; which I’m surprised that I even really recognize this, but I remember, and this was probably the end of high school, I used to buy fitness magazines all the time, like Muscle Fitness, Her Fitness, or Shape magazine; any of those and I would read those and think that those were going to lead me to a healthier lifestyle or happier life. And I recognized that they were doing the exact opposite. I was reading about these women body builders or fitness models, and everything they did, and I was comparing myself.

If you take anything from this podcast at all; maybe you’ve already turned it off, but if you’ve gone this far, I want you to take away, “Stop comparing yourself to others.” Stop it. If you’re following someone on social media and you’re constantly watching them and you’re thinking negatively about yourself because you don’t have something they have; maybe it’s time to start unfollowing. If you’re reading these magazines; I even stopped reading most of the time like trash magazines. Like once in a while, now a days I can pick one up, but I stopped reading those because I would compare myself to f*cking whatever; Jennifer Aniston or something like that. Why would I compare myself to Jennifer Aniston? We do not have the same life; we do not have the same genetics; we do not have the same background. Literally nothing is the same about us, so why am I comparing myself to that person. Why am I saying, “Why can she eat McDonald’s and stay skinny and I can’t?” Why am I doing that? That’s f*cking bullsh*t. because my body is not the same. Ok? That’s it. So I stopped comparing.

So those were the things that I had to do; get rid of any of any social media; and I still do that sometimes if I’m comparing myself too much, I don’t look at those things. There’s even women who are really super empowering women in the fitness community who I appreciate, but I sometimes can’t follow because I’ll be like; “Why doesn’t my butt look like that?” And that’s the stupidest f*cking thing. So if you take anything from this, stop comparing yourself to others. It is the ugliest behavior, and it will lead you down a life of anger, and upset, and frustration, instead of leading you in the opposite direction. So don’t compare; it’s the worst. I hate comparing.

18.48

After that, all those things, getting rid of the people in life that weren’t worth having; getting rid of comparisons; and finding something that lifted me up in a positive way, which was Crossfit for me, those were all things that helped me. But I also had to face all the inner demons inside. So, you can portray a confident person on the outside, but most of the time, those people who are portraying incredibly over confident people oftentimes are the people who are the least confident. And I look back at some of my posts when I was first writing my blog, and I’m trying to be very confident. I wrote these blog posts for a different company, talking about how I didn’t care about the size of my thighs, and this or that; and those were always the things that I cared about the most. But I was saying those things because I was very insecure about them. So I think when people are overly secure about something and they’re saying it; they’re voicing it a lot, it’s usually their biggest insecurity. But they’re going about it so you can’t come at them about those things, if that makes sense. And that’s what I did.

So I had to fight those inner demons; those things that inside of me I knew I was not happy with. I had to get over them. One of the first and foremost things; and it’s not a demon inside of me, but it was a hard fact I had to face, was gluten was not my friend. It was not something I needed to consume on a regular basis, or hardly ever, because first of all it did not work with my insides; and second of all, after knowing all the facts behind gluten and what it does to a person’s body, and how it affects a body, I didn’t want to be a part of it at all. So that was a hard pill to swallow, but it was one of the first steps I had to take, was getting rid of gluten because it was not good for me. And it’s just like the relationships; I had a relationship with gluten, so I had to f*cking get rid of it. And that was a hard pill to swallow.

21.18

The next step was for a long, long time pre-paleo and then post-paleo I obsessed over my food. I did Zone; so I was counting my blocks. I would; what did I do. All the different things I did. I limited my food intake. I was like; ok, well I’m just gaining weight, I should be eating less. I limited my carb intake because I just kind of thought of carbs as the devil. So I was doing all these obsessive behaviors around food, and it was getting me nowhere. I didn’t feel good, I didn’t sleep well, I felt depressed, and I didn’t like my weight. So I was like; ok, all this obsessing has to be the best. And it wasn’t; I wasn’t happy. So one day I just said; ok, this isn’t working, I’m going to do something else. F*ck this. And started eating more carbs, started eating more of the food that I want and my body was craving, and I actually lost weight because of that. And because I wasn’t stressing out about every single f*cking detail all the time; I was just eating when I was hungry and stopping when I was satisfied, and moving on with my day. It wasn’t thins internal battle all the time of restricting food and then randomly binging.

So I cut out all those behaviors, because I was able to come to terms with; ok, this is not working. What can I do to see what else will work? So I stopped obsessing. The next part was understanding that what brought me great joy in the beginning, which was competing in Crossfit, was no longer giving me that joy. Crossfit evolved, and kept getting heavier and heavier, and I had to keep up with that, and my body really took a toll because of that. I had incredibly bad acne, my body felt very puffy because I had so much information built up from lifting so heavy all the time, and not consuming enough calories, and just not taking care of myself. So I had to face the facts that long-term competing was not going to work for me, and I had to move on from that. So one day I said I’m not competing anymore, and moved on. And worked on that, and stopped competing, and that helped me out.

So I think with confidence, it’s an ever-changing, ever-evolving thing. Think of all the things we go through; if we go through a death in the family, or we go through pregnancy, or we go through an illness. Something that we were confident before is suddenly changed at the drop of a dime, and we have to find new ways to become confident. So it’s not; you’re confident, and that’s it at the end of the day. It’s an ever-changing, ever-evolving situation that you have to take responsibility for and evolve with it. So that’s what I continued to do, and I have to continue to work on it, and I still will look in the mirror and be unhappy some days, and I have to say, “Ok, what’s making me unhappy?” Is it how much sugar I’m eating around the holidays? Yeah, so what are you going to do about that? You’re going to have to eat less sugar.

Or is it, are you lifting too heavy at the gym, because to me, I can get really wrapped up in and I like feeling strong but I don’t always like my legs getting bigger, and I’m not putting anyone on blast whatsoever about their leg size. I don’t give a f*ck what your leg size is; I give a f*ck what mine is. So if I see I’m lifting too heavy and I’m not feeling comfortable in my jeans anymore, then I’ll cut back at the gym. I have to recognize these behaviors and what’s changing and stressors are being involved in my life, and work on them. If I’m not sleeping enough; ok, well I need to get in bed earlier and turn off all electronics, and be able to fall asleep earlier.

So I’m constantly thinking about these things and finding new ways to become confident and getting better at it. But I think confidence really comes from recognizing what’s making you a less confident person and how to work on those, and those are all the things that have really helped me. And also cutting out those unrealistic views. Social media more than ever; I mean, for me, I follow a lot of food people; a couple of fitness people; but my explore page is bombarded with people’s asses and just poses in the mirror or up close shots; and I’m still drawn to those, and I look at those, and I’m like; how does this person have the most perfect ass? And I don’t. I’ve been working so hard. And so then that comparison comes in and I have to cut myself off from that social media, and I stop with those unrealistic views. Like, ok, we have totally different genetics.

Oh, hi Jackson! I have cellulite, and I’ve had cellulite for as long as I can remember, and that’s not going anywhere. But I’m working my ass off every single day in the gym and in the kitchen to become the best me. So if the best me has some cellulite, then so be it. I’m still working my ass off to be the best person. For me, it’s like this fine balancing point that I am working in the gym to have an awesome ass in 10 years from now. I don’t see having; a part of me is like, oh yeah, maybe I won’t have cellulite in 10 years when I keep working at this. But I know that’s not true, and those aren’t demons that I have to fight anymore. But, I always am pushing myself daily in the gym and in the kitchen to become a better version of myself, if not tomorrow, in the next year, in the next 5 years, in the next 10 years. So I’m always looking towards the future of becoming a better version of myself, both mentally and physically. And that’s what keeps me motivated and keeps me excited without drowning me in self-sorrow and self f*cking pity because that sh*t is bullsh*t.

28.10

So, anyways, those are the things that have worked for me. If you’re like; I don’t remember any of those things, I’m going to make a little list on my blog post about this, so you can just go to www.PaleOMG.com and I’ll write these things that have worked for me. And then if you have anything that you’ve done in the past or present that has to do with your own self-confidence and what has worked for you, please share that in my blog post. I’d love to hear any feedback or anything that’s worked for you. Because I think it’s really helpful for people to read, especially if they’re going through a hard time with that sort of stuff.

So let’s get to some questions. Let’s answer some! Amy, “Did you wake up one day and just feel more confident; or is it a decision that you make and think about every single day?” I think honestly it literally was. But I’m an up and decide type of person. If I decide this relationship is over, it is over. If I decide that I want to compete in Crossfit, I will compete in Crossfit. I’m like, go in all in or all out. So for me, it was a very, “Ok, yeah, I’m going to stop f*cking with my life and stop being unhappy and just work on it.” And that decision hasn’t stopped ever since, and that was probably 3 or so years ago. So it was a split second decision, but I also have to continue to go through it in the fact that when I’m starting to look at myself in a negative way, I have to consciously think about that and think about what steps I need to take to continue to be happy. And if something is not working, then I need to do something else.

So recently I was talking to a friend who had seen a therapist; and he just up and decided to go to a therapist one day, and he was like, “It was the greatest thing I have ever done for myself.” And a part of me wants to go see a therapist in those times that I’m feeling those negative thoughts, and to just talk through things because maybe that will bring light to the situation that I’m not fully understanding at that moment. So if I can’t understand something, I’ll probably go see a therapist and hopefully continue to work at it that way. But it’s something I up and did one day, but I consciously think about regularly.

Stephanie, “Do you have any advice to beat the blues and maintaining a healthy lifestyle? What do you tell yourself to keep going strong when you feel so weak and stop the cycle?” I think; well, to me, if I’m feeling down about something, like I said before, I consciously think about what is making me feel that way and how I can offset it or beat it. So before, when I was feeling down, I would eat a ton of sugar, and eat snacks, and just eat to feel something and feel those endorphins; and over time I finally understood those are very short lived and you have to find other ways. So for me, going to the gym helps me feel better pretty quickly. So if I’ve had a really sh*tty day, going to the gym is going to make me feel better. Do I want to go? Not necessarily. But I go, and that’s what makes me feel stronger and kind of erases that cycle. That hour that you can’t think about…

That’s what I hate about running. Like I talked about in the beginning here; I f*cking hate running, because all you do is think! You think for so long! And in Crossfit, it’s like you have no time to think because you’re just trying to not die. So that’s my moment of silence is that hour, and not having to think about whatever is going on. So once I get through that hour, I feel so much better because I was able to free my mind of it. So going to the gym is what really helps me maintain those healthy thoughts and healthy behaviors along with it.

Carrie; “How did you become more confident in your new lifestyle when you decided to go paleo and focus on your own health and fitness? I have friends and family whom I know love me and mean well,” And she’s doing quotes, “’You already look great, you work so hard, you don’t have to deprive yourself.’ So it’s hard to convince them and be confident in my ways, sometimes. Oh maybe I just eat whatever she made so she’s not offended. Maybe she’s right, etc.”

That’s the worst, when people pull you down about your own healthy lifestyle. Isn’t that the worst? What is that about? If you were like; “Hey, I’m going to quit smoking,” there’s not many people who would be like, “No, I think you should keep smoking. I think it’s like the best option for you. From what I’ve heard, cigarettes are so good for your lungs. Oh my god, and you look so young as you smoke them!” No. This never happens. Because cigarettes are bad for you.

Sh*tty food is bad for you, as well, but food is such a f*cking touch subject. So at the end of the day, you have to be confident in your own choices. It’s easier said than done, but for me, I know I feel better, I sleep better, my relationships are better, I work better in the gym, I have energy, I don’t have to drink 5 cups of coffee. I don’t have to drink energy drinks, I don’t get angry. All these things come from the food I ingest. And if someone wants to tell me I’m not feeling better, they can go f*ck themselves. So I don’t give a sh*t, and that’s at the end of the day you kind of have to not give a sh*t what other people think, and you can explain to them why you’ve decided to take this lifestyle on and tell them all the positive things that have gone along with it. And if they still do not want to support you, then you just don’t say anything. You don’t have to listen. You know what’s best for you, and don’t let others drag you down. It’s back to those relationships I told you about. And we sometimes, obviously, can’t get out of those relationships, because they’re our family. But your life is yours, and you can do whatever you want with it, and don’t let anybody tell you what’s best for you. That’s the worst, I hate when people drag others down because they’re insecure about their own eating habits. But you don’t have to be. You can be confident in it.

Tara, “Does confidence come before the looks do? I would also love any tips on managing lingering fears and self shame, such as, ‘I’m just being lazy and now out of shape,’ or social media comparison.” So, I kind of mentioned that before with the social media stuff, but I think confidence comes much deeper than just looks. Sure, most of us want to look our best. I think that’s; especially if you’re in a health community, you want to look and feel your best. For me, my happiness…

Well, of course we all want to look our best, but if we aren’t happy in our job or our marriage or our friendships or other facets of our life, all that confidence doesn’t line up. So you can have the most beautiful human being, and if they’re having a terrible back side of their life that you don’t see, they’re not going to be the most confident person. So I think; sure, we all want to feel our best and look our best, but there are so many other underlying things that led up to that confidence.

And I think if you find yourself comparing yourself to other people on social media, then you might as well start unfollowing them. It’s not worth being upset about, and I’ve done this before at one point I was comparing myself to another blogger, and I’m like, why am I comparing myself? I like what I’m doing. Why am I trying to be more like them, or wish I had their life when I like my life just fine. So I stopped following her, and I don’t really ever think about her ever since then. So I think the out of sight, out of mind is helpful.

At the end of the day, if you feel like you’re being lazy, then don’t be lazy. Get after it. Get out of that rut. Figure out why you’re feeling lazy, and stop doing it. If that means getting into the gym, if that means going for a walk with the dog, if that means cooking dinner for your family. If you’re feeling lazy, what is going to make you not feel lazy? And do it. At the end of the day, if you don’t want to be lazy, don’t be lazy. That’s all I got.

Nikki; “Did it make a big difference in your confidence and self esteem when you took the plunge and started to treat yourself to thinks like microblading, getting Botox, special facials, having your nails done; etc. Do you think some of your confidence stems from doing these things and spending time on yourself? Also you have the cutest outfits and I’m wondering if what you wear and expressing yourself through clothing helps with confidence?” Abso-f*cking-lutely.

That was the whole reason I started doing Fashion Fridays on my blog, because I didn’t always do those; was because I started doing a little bit of shopping. Before, when I was competing in Crossfit, I never shopped for real clothes because I lived in workout clothes. And I never left my house or the gym; I was always in workout clothes. So when I stopped competing in Crossfit, I wanted to feel more comfortable in my skin so I started shopping more and finding these clothes that made me feel good in my skin and made me just exude more confidence. So I started sharing those on my Fashion Fridays. Because for me, food is all about confidence, and fashion really played into that, as well.

So absolutely with the fashion. And for sure with the microblading and doing Botox and facials. Those things; for me, the first step was going on Accutane and getting rid of my cystic acne. Because acne was some of the hardest times I’ve ever gone through; and you can relate to this if you’ve had acne. If you’ve never had acne you don’t understand, and I think when you see others who struggle with it, you’re like, “Well I don’t really notice it on you. Is it really that big of a deal?” But it was physically painful; like painful to the touch, and emotionally painful and I was drowning in self sadness because of this acne that I could not control. So making the step to go on Accutane and really get control of my acne was very, very helpful.

And then doing stuff like; I workout on a regular basis, and don’t always see the results from that, for a while. I see doing facials and lasers and Botox as doing things to help with my skin long-term. You don’t see your results with one workout, and I see the same thing with any of those treat yourself moments. They’re for long-term feeling good in that moment and long-term as well. So yeah I think those things have definitely played a part in feeling better about myself. If you don’t like a wrinkle, and you can fix a wrinkle, why not? You’re doing the same thing in the gym.

So if you’ve listened to my podcast before, I’m all pro-I don’t know, whatever it’s called. Technology nowadays, that we can do stuff. I just had a laser treatment done Saturday last week, which hurt like a f*cking b*tch, and then I got permanent eyeliner, which I’ll be talking about on the blog soon. I just got that today and it hurts to close my eyes. But you know, I like f*cking trying new stuff. I’m all about that, and it definitely gives me more confidence. Especially with those things; getting microblading done, and getting rid of acne, and doing this permanent eyeliner; those are things that led to me to be able to wear less makeup. Which I always wanted to be confident without makeup, and I feel that way, which is very empowering to feel confident in your own skin. So yeah, I love that sh*t. thanks for that great question Nikki.

Now Jess; “I would love for you to elaborate; you talk a lot about the f*ck it moment you had with your eating being good during the week and binging on the weekends, or being good for 6 months and falling off track. I’m sure it’s something we can all relate to. It sounds so easy just to say f*ck it and being magically cured and able to eat intuitively since that moment. How did confidence play a role in moving away from calorie counting and measuring your food?”

So honestly, I think I can thank my husband for helping me with this. And I don’t think he ever intended to do that. But when I started dating my husband, he just doesn’t put up with that sh*t and will not listen to me go on and on about just mindless stupid sh*t. this guy is a guy who is on the water all summer long, wakeboarding, surfing, doing anything water sports related. He’s constantly in a swimsuit. The last thing he really is thinking about is a little bit of cellulite. And a chick in a swimsuit in front of him; he’s definitely not thinking about her cellulite.

So I think being around just a confident person who was confident in his own skin, confident with who he was, was what really led to that moment that I was able to say; f*ck this. I’m not living this unhappy life anymore. So surrounding myself with those people. So I really have him to thank. I wish; you know, for me it was just really that f*ck it moment and being around someone who put me in such a positive place and only said good things about me. But he was never like; my husband isn’t like, “Oh you look beautiful, you’re so beautiful.” He just doesn’t do that kind of stuff, but he doesn’t put up with you talking sh*t about yourself. So I think the more confidence I got in my relationship that led to that f*ck it moment, that confidence definitely led to less of the calorie counting and measuring food. Because I just didn’t want to be in that place anymore.

But it really leads back to everything I was doing, for all those years of calorie counting or restricting my food, or whatever else; it was not leading me to a good place so I needed to try something different. So I think that’s, at the end, what gave me the confidence to say f*ck it and try something else. So I don’t know if that totally answers your question, but I hope it does, Jess.

Jenny, “I know a lot of people find confidence in Crossfit, but I was hoping you could discuss confidence outside of Crossfit for those who don’t belong to a gym. I’ve read about your transformation between competing to where you are now, but if you could go into more about how you lift less, what was the process like, how long it took you to feel more confident in the process, that would be awesome.”

So I read this question earlier, and I’m not sure if you mean confidence like you don’t go to the gym at all? I’m guess by your question that’s not it. But I’m just going to act like it is, because I think that’s a good question to go off of. If you’re not a gym person, and not everybody is a gym person. I don’t think that at all. I think doing some sort of fitness is good for everybody; not only good for your brain but good for a longer life and a happier lifestyle. So yeah, I think finding confidence in other things outside of the gym is incredibly important, and whether that’s raising your kids or feeding your kids certain meals or taking your dog on a walk every day. I know that seems so stupid, but for me knowing my dog is happy, since I don’t have children; it’s not like confidence related, but it is long term because it helps me become a happier person because I know my dog is happier.

So finding the things that make you confident outside of the gym, and doing those on a regular basis, whether that’s hanging out with friends, or having a day to yourself, or getting a manicure because that’s your time. Whatever it is; doing those things regularly because they make you feel the best.

But to your question about the process of lifting less and not competing in Crossfit; when I decided to compete in Crossfit it was a very, very difficult thing because at that point, because I could beat everybody at the gym, and I held the best time, and the heaviest weights; you know, everything that made me confident I was taking a step back from. And knowing that you can push yourself harder and you decide not to is very; it’s a very big mind f*ck. So, it was really hard, and I didn’t have the support of my coaches at the time. They didn’t understand it, and they didn’t understand how unhappy I was. So that was really hard. People just mentioning it was really challenging and not supporting my goals. So that was really hard.

But I just slowly started cutting my weight back, and a coach would say; no, you’re going to do 95 pounds, and I said no, I’m going to do 85. And I would slowly cut it back and over time the coaches just became ok with it, and I became ok with not being the fastest, not being the strongest, becoming weaker and weaker; because I did become weaker very quickly. So becoming ok with that, because you know it’s better for you long-term. It’s kind of just like any relationship. So you know when you’re going through a breakup; and I’m sure many of us have been through this where you end the relationship because you know it’s not working, but a part of you still wants to be part of that relationship. Whether you like the family you were part of, or you just miss the closeness being next to someone; having someone to call every day. It’s hard to cut yourself off from that relationship totally, and that’s why I think many of us talk to our exes and stay in communication with them while we’re still trying to find ourselves.

So that’s how that relationship was for me with Crossfit. It’s like I had to wean myself off, and it was harder and harder, but then it became easier as time went on. So it took me a long time, and I mess around with weights all the time, that I go heavier sometimes and then cut back other times. But cutting back in those weights made me feel more confident, and it actually made me more confident in my lifts, as well, because I worked on my technique even more. So it was a long process but it was totally worth it, and I loved the end result in the end. So I hope that helps, Jenny.

Just two more; what time are we at here? Almost 50 minutes. Cool. Katie; “How do you handle sh*tty people who intentionally (or unintentionally) seem to want to bring your confidence to zero. Whether that is something they say in person or online. I’m super affected still by what other people think of me; and if I read or hear one negative comment, I’m done-zo!”

That part sucks, and I get this all the time. If you’ve listened to any of my podcasts, you know that I’m affected by what people say because I talk about it. It’s very hard when you put all your time and effort into something and people bring you down because of it. So whether that is, for me, creating a recipe or something I did in the gym or an outfit; and then somebody says something negative about it; when you took the time and thought things through, and put the effort into something, it’s really hard. But I said this in a podcast before and I’ll say it again; no matter what you do, someone is going to love you and someone is going to hate you.

Think of the president; think about Obama, or think about coming up with Trump. Someone is always going to hate you, and someone is always going to support you. So you might as well do exactly what you love. And this is not a f*cking political rant; no. I’m just saying, there are always people who will love what you do, and there will always be people who hate it. So you might as well be completely content with what you’re putting out into the world, how you’re taking care of your body, what relationships you’re in. if you are confident in that, then it doesn’t really matter what people say.

And it can affect you; that’s normal. You have a soul if what people say hurts your feelings or affects you. But if you’re happy, you’ll be able to move past whatever people say. And I get negative stuff all the time on every single social media; and I just move on. And that’s what you have to learn to do, and just be confident with what you’re putting out into the world and what you have to offer. That’s all you can really do; because as we’ve come to see, if you’re an adult; it’s pretty much like middle school now a days with social media, even when you’re an adult. So sorry if you’re in middle school and you’re listening to this; which is not the case. But your life will be the same as an adult. But you just don’t give a f*ck as much! So just don’t give a f*ck.

Ok, Angela. Last but not least; Angela. “Do you ever get nervous about posting a recipe because you think it might not get positive feedback?” Yeah, I do. I do get worried sometimes. And I even; I had a comment about this but I didn’t write it down because I knew I’d kind of come back to this. I even; I still get kind of nervous when I’m making something for friends or family. I just get nervous that they aren’t going to like it. But that’s how food is. You can hand a McDonald’s burger to one person and they’ll hate it; and another person will love it. So that’s just kind of how food is. I posted a recipe just recently and I didn’t think it was my best work; I was like, “Oh, it’s ok.” And so many people have posted about how much they loved it. I’m like, what? So I just don’t always know what kind of feedback I’m going to get. So I don’t hold myself back by worries. Because taste buds are all different.

Even today; I made champagne cupcakes, and I brought that to the gym to give to other people; and I didn’t really think about it until people started eating it. And then I’m like; well what if they don’t like them? And they sat out overnight because I had to frost them, so they’re a little bit dry. So I get nervous because those are my peers; those are the people I really care about, not just someone on the internet who is just angry about life. Those are happy, positive people, so I get nervous about that. But I made it, so I’m going to f*cking put my stamp on it and hold true to it.

I just don’t get wrapped up and held back by nerves. Because if you’re always getting nervous about posting something, and you hold back, then how are you going to change the world in any sort of way? We’re put on this world to do cool things, and some people will like it and some people won’t, so f*cking put cool sh*t into the world. Don’t question it; but don’t be a troll. Ah, just so much good advice.

So that’s all I got for you today, guys. If you’re a person who has a hard time with confidence, know that you are not alone, and know that when you look at social media, people portray their lives a certain way but you never know what’s going on behind closed doors. So just try to become the best version of yourself. Don’t compare to others, just try to be your best self, and if it’s not working, then try something else. Keep pushing yourself; keep challenging yourself. Keep working on you, because we have a whole life to live, and from what I’ve figured out in the past year of losing multiple friends; if you’re questioning who you are all the time, and then live is taken away tomorrow; what a short sad life to live. So don’t do that.

Be the best you, because you never know when life is going to be taken away from you; you never know when it’s going to go away. So be the best version of you. Put awesome stuff into this world. Put awesome energy out there because it will come back to you. And I say that because when I became a more confident person, the better I was at my job. And I keep getting better at it and keep wanting to get better, because I’m happier. So put good energy out there; good energy will come back. I’m pretty sure that’s The Secret, or whatever that sh*t is out there. But smile; because the smiles will come back. If that even makes sense. Maybe you should get high before this podcast. No, don’t do drugs! But maybe it would be more entertaining to listen to. Just say no to drugs; and bad food, and cigarettes. Cigarettes are really bad for you.

Ok. That’s all I got today guys. I have to go mentally prepare for a 5K that I may be running tomorrow. I did text Laura and told her that I didn’t sign up, just hoping that she maybe wants to cancel tomorrow and just to brunch. Just planting the seed. Just got to plant the seed with this sometimes. I know it’s her birthday, but I just don’t want to be cold, because I’m a normal human being. Ok. That’s what I think.

So anyways that’s all I’ve got for you today guys. I hope you have a wonderful weekend or week, whatever day you’re are listening to this. If you have any sort of feedback, please come to www.PaleOMG.com. Leave a comment on any of my blog posts. I share 5, sometimes 6 per week, so I always have something fun to look at. So www.PaleOMG.com. You can visit me anywhere on social media; it’s PaleOMG. And yeah; if you like this podcast, rate, review, and subscribe. If you don’t like this podcast; no need to share. That’s fine. Sometimes we just don’t like stuff. Just move on from it. Don’t be a Yelp reviewer with all your negative Yelp reviews. Don’t be that guy. Just move on with your day, and just keep spreading the positivity out there. You know, I’m just not for everyone.

I hope you guys have a great weekend. I’m going to go make some scallop gluten free pasta with my husband tonight, because we have lots of scallops, and gluten free pasta just sounds good, because it’s; let’s see what the temperature is outside. It is 25 degrees. Doesn’t pasta sound good on a 25 degree day? And we just got a f*cking hot tub. So we can eat my pasta, and go sit in the hot tub. Don’t you think, Jackson? Yeah. So thanks for listening guys. Thanks for being awesome. I can’t believe people listen to this podcast, and you guys are f*cking cook for listening to it. So Jackson just woke up from his nap. Before he starts pissing people off, we’re going to go. I’ll talk to you guys soon.

Oh, I think next week, by the way, I’m going talk about sugar demons. Because I think, if you’re anything like me, you like sugar, and the holidays are a real kick in the pants when it comes to sugar addiction. So I’ll be talking about kind of sugar addiction and how to combat that, because we’ll all probably be on that sugar addiction train by next week. Is Christmas on Sunday? Yeah? Yeah. So if you get sick of being with your family, you can listen to my podcast. Ok? Ok.

Well have a great night guys. Be wonderful, stay wonderful, smile. Say hello to someone, and kick some ass at life. If I didn’t answer your question, I apologize. I tried to answer all of them, but feel free to ask it on my blog, and I’ll answer it there. Have a great night! Kisses! Hugs and kisses and hugs and kisses and bye.

60 episodes available. A new episode about every 7 days averaging 66 mins duration .