First Understand, then be Understood (with Megan Barker) – Habit 5 – PLR 28


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Today, we have my lovely wife, Megan, on the show.

How do most people communicate?

    1. Key to effective communication with others is to understand them before they understand you
    2. As a man, I can’t emphasize how awful my brain is wired to understand my wife
    3. Typically, when we respond to people, we do it four ways, We evaluate (agree or disagree), we probe (ask questions from our own frame of reference), we advise (based on our own experience), we interpret (we try to figure people out based on our paradigm)
    4. Reflective listening
      1. Relay back to the listener with a rephrasing of the feeling and content
    5. Resist the urge to fix a problem
    6. This is a DIFFICULT SKILL!
    8. MOST PEOPLE start with logos first, which almost never works
    9. Application
      1. Next time you are in any conversation, test your ability to understand first. Resist the urge to speak your opinions immediately
      2. Reflect back the content and feeling of the other people

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