Shame, Honor and Culture with Sam Louie

Sex, Love, and Addiction

Trauma, abuse, and addiction happen everywhere, it doesn’t matter what class or culture. Today’s guest, Sam Louie, is a psychotherapist specializing in treating shame, trauma and a host of addictions. Sam is on a mission to reach more of the Asian - American culture and help them with their heavy shame and cultural stigmas surrounding addiction. Sam reflects on his own experience of addiction and then getting help, gives more information on Japanese culture as it relates to addiction and shame, and how he went from feeling defective to comfortable in his own skin and a role model for others. Lastly, Sam shares ways we can outreach to communities that may be different than ours to help others rise above the shame and embarrassment that go along with addiction.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:01] Sam Louie is a psychotherapist, blogger, and speaker on cultural shame and addictions. Sam is also an Emmy Award-Winning former broadcast journalist who continues to write. His books include, "Asian Shame and Addiction: Suffering in Silence" and "Slanted Eyes: The Asian-American Poetic Experience". On a personal note, Sam is a first-generation immigrant from Hong Kong who grew up amidst 3 generations of addictions.

[3:46] Sam shares that one of the challenges with minority cultures and specifically Asian - American cultures getting help for their addiction is the feeling of cultural shame. Asians are collectivists by nature, meaning that instead of a focus on individualism, they put an emphasis on cohesiveness among the groups (family, society, government) in their world both on a small and large scale. Sam explains further that a lot of it is based on Confucian views where obedience and order are the common denominators.

[6:02] Sam recalls how he first learned at a very early age how important it is to honor the family name above all else.

[9:39] In the teenage years, traditional Asian values confronted with American tendency to rebel and strike out as an individual can be a confusing and conflicting time.

[11:18] Shame can run deep in the Asian - American culture for cases of addiction, sexual issues and divorce. Sam speaks of a Chinese saying where shame can run 8 generations deep.

[13:19] Sam shares how suicide in the Japanese culture can be seen as a way to get back honor and not shame their family.

[16:01] In his youth, Sam encountered a role model in his Pastor, who showed vulnerability, encouragement and support.

[19:44] In the Japanese culture, sexual shame even as the victim, reflects on breaking the code of honor within your family.

[22:42] Sam reads one of his poems and explains the meaning behind the words. He then shares how his addictive and compulsive tendencies started emerging in childhood.

[25:02] Children who are profoundly neglected and who experience emotional and physical neglect have to figure out how to comfort and validate themselves. This is where a lot of addiction stems from.

[33:10] Educating yourself first on the nature of addiction is key. Then, finding someone of your ethnic background or cultural identification can help very much on the road to recovery.

RESOURCES

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101 Asian Shame and Addiction: Suffering in Silence

Slanted Eyes: The Asian - American Poetic Experience

Sam Louie MFT

Hikikomori

Getting Off by Erica Garza

QUOTES:

• “Sadly, there are several minorities that are underserved in America when it comes to addiction services and mental health.”
• “There are two sides to the coin - we have shame on one end, and honor on the other.”
• “If I hide from things, other people will never get the exposure that they need.”
• “Since intimacy problems and sex addiction most often comes out of early dysfunction, it doesn’t matter where you are from.”
• “Much addiction comes out of that period where a child has to learn how to survive on their own.”
• “So many of us need to see someone of our cultural heritage going through something as well.”