EP014: Kevin Voisin – Commitment Matters

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In this week's interview Kevin Voisin will discuss the sometimes-difficult choices you must make as a dad and stepdad—and how important it is to be involved in your children’s lives. He’ll talk about his parenting journey, the investment he made in his relationship with his kids and how he and his wife make it all work for their blended family. Finally, Kevin will share his thoughts on telling the truth and why men make ideal step-parents. POINT #1: Dads Have Choices, But Kids Usually Don’t In a divorce, dads make the choice to be in their kids’ life. Stepdads also make a choice to make a commitment to their step-kids. Children are usually along for the ride when it comes to divorce or remarriage, so it is up to dads to maintain/establish and set the tone for their relationship with their children. Dads can choose to show up or run away. When dads choose to show kids their true feelings, such as shame, guilt and confusion, or admit that they don’t have all the answers, they can teach a powerful lesson to their children. POINT #2: Dads Need to Tell the Truth Even when it doesn’t serve them, dads need to tell their children the truth. In order to build a relationship based on trust and integrity, dads need to avoid promising things that they know they can’t deliver. Dads should be careful about telling their kids “maybe”; although it is easy to say in the moment and may cause mild disappointment, it can sometimes create false hope and cause pain. Dads don’t always have the answers, and it’s OK to tell your children “I don’t know.” POINT #3: No One Can Take Away a Dad’s Relationship with His Kids Dads make the choice to be there and can put “baggage” down for their children’s sake. Dads can shape their relationship with their kids. When stepdads try to foster a strong relationship with a child’s biological parent, they can decrease the child’s anxiety. POINT #4: Men Make Ideal Step-Parents Because men do not actually give birth to children, the physical process of bonding with children is the same for biological and step children. Transitioning to fatherhood can be tough, and sometimes men need to resist the urge to run away. To create a bond with kids, dads need to assist with childcare and parenting. “It is my privilege to be in [my kids’] lives.” Making Choices Kevin went through a difficult divorce and, as he puts it, “made some bad decisions.” But following his divorce, Kevin had to make a critical choice about whether he was going to continue to be in his kids’ lives. Facing an 18-hour round-trip commute every other weekend to see his children, he decided that he was going to show up—no matter how hard it was for him. There were times when his ex-wife prevented him from seeing his children, but the kids saw him showing up anyway—which created a bond based on trust, commitment and integrity. Kevin also made the choice to express his vulnerability and share his true feelings with his kids, and encouraged his kids to share their true feelings with him. Telling the Truth Although Kevin’s divorce was painful, he made the commitment to be truthful with his children—even when it wasn’t to his advantage or made him look bad. Kevin also avoided making promises to his children that he couldn’t keep, even if it caused them some temporary disappointment. Kevin wasn’t afraid to admit that he didn’t know how to solve some difficult problems and wasn’t afraid to tell his kids “I don’t know.” It wasn’t always easy to admit his mistakes, but because of his honesty he now has a trusting relationship with his kids. Maintaining a Relationship Because Kevin believes that dads make the choice to be there for their kids, he also understands that no one—including his ex-wife or the father of his step kids—can take away his relationship with his children. He knows that he is in charge of shaping his relationship with his children and step-chil...

38 episodes available. A new episode about every day averaging 16 mins duration .