What to do when you don’t know what to do

Tenderfoot Yogi Podcast and Audio Blog: Perspectives and Insights for Ease in Your Awakening

Sometimes we wake up in the morning and aren’t quite sure what to do. We find ourselves with many questions. It may seem that everything is a question. Past choices combine with decisions about the future into one big pile of uncertainty. It can be unsettling. What if it’s OK to feel uncertain and unsettled? It is. But it’s often hard to know what to do with ourselves in these times of uncertain unsettlement. Doing something certainly feels like an itch that we need to scratch. I’ve included 5 things that you might DO the next time you are feeling uncertain, or if you are feeling uncertain right now. Here is what I’m learning…

Listen to the Podcast version of this post below

Thing to do #1: Join the club

In a previous post titled ‘How to be devoted‘ I mentioned having read and found comfort in something I read in a children’s book that said that we are all clueless as to what to do with ourselves in the morning. So, I think that is the first part of what to do when we don’t know what to do with ourselves – to take some comfort in knowing that we aren’t alone. No matter the source of uncertainty – whether it’s about a relationship or a job and no matter the size of the choice or lack of choice that we perceive before us, we are not unique in our uncertainty. If nothing else, there is some comfort to be found in reminding yourself that uncertainty is a part of our shared human experience, and that there is no human who is immune it. As humans we like things to be secure. We like things to be clear and we like to be able to see at least a few steps ahead of us, if not more. But sometimes we simply cannot. If there was a boy scout style merit badge for uncertainty and resulting concern, each of us would have several of them. Indeed, I would have to consider myself a scout leader.

Thing to do #2: Notice the small picture

It is much easier to accept uncertainty in our lives when we gain distance from its source. Though this is easier said than done, with practice it is entirely possible. One of the primary benefits of a sustained meditation practice is that we begin to touch the higher parts of ourselves. I just wrote to a new friend today that though I have invested years into my daily meditation practice, there are still times when I sit down and get lost in thinking about something that is happening in my life. This is the small picture, and though it is counterproductive to the goal, meditation is a typical time for our focus on the small picture of our lives to come into view – because we aren’t engaged with the typical distractions of our busy lives.

Valuable

Though we would rather be spending our time in meditation in touch with the inherent peace that exists within us, this kind of ruminating that we notice in meditation is valuable as well. It puts a spotlight on that which is agitating us at the surface level of our mind, and once we notice it we can more gracefully step outside of the spotlight to see what else is available to us. This is stepping toward the bigger picture, the higher level of our existence. But we have to notice the small picture before we can gain perspective on it. So, the thing to do here is to simply celebrate the noticing of that which is causing us distress – it’s an essential step in developing peace with it.

Thing to do #3: Move your energy

Whether your goal is to know yourself at the level of your soul or simply to gather some peace from your chattering mind, there is no equivalent replacement for sitting meditation. That said, there is also no replacement for human movement. If a meditation student speaks to me about a perpetually restless mind during meditation, I recommend the same thing that I do for my own restless mind, which is to work with her body’s energy prior to sitting down. It is essential for us to have a proper balance of energy when we begin meditation in order for us to gain full benefit. But this energy awareness is handy any time.

How to move

We feel uncertain because we are blocked somewhere. One way that we can release our blocks is to move energy through our bodies. Have you ever said yourself or heard someone say that he just wants to go dancing? Or running? Movement is an inherent human need and it does wonders for us. I’ve not yet tried Tai Chi, but it entices me because I know that it is a type of meditation in motion. In another previous post titled ‘How Yoga is different from meditation’ I talked about how we use our body as a tool to focus our minds and move energy during the Yoga asanas. In this a simple series of Sun salutations can offer a welcome departure and offer us some distance from basking in our uncertainty. The simple energy prep that I mentioned that I do prior to meditation, which includes some neck rotations, spinal twists, a progressive full body tense/relax of muscles, and breath-opening stretches offers a beautiful shift in energy and can be done by anyone at any time. So that is the thing to do here. Move. Simply move – in whatever way best suits you. But do so not with restless energy that needs to be released, but mindful of the goal to move and shift the energy within you.

Thing to do #4: Be with it

It has been many times before, in various posts and said in various different ways, that we gain nothing by pushing away discomfort. Uncertainty falls into the category of discomfort, and therefore it is not something we should try to ignore or remove. If we do, it just gets stronger and more persistent. When we dive into distractions, or when we allow our thinking minds to rationalize reasons for why things are the way they are, we allow distance to grow between us and our peace. We must live in the gray areas of life because these are the only areas that exist. Anything that appears black and white is a trap, a mirage, a distraction, a diversion. The irony is both frustrating and liberating, that only when we embrace and own our uncertainty do we become certain that we are OK.

Can it not be simple?

Though life is not black and white our choices can be. They can be simple and clear. But our over-thinking, over-analyzing analytical minds want to create pros and cons lists and predict every potential outcome for the choices and events in life. And this causes uncertainty. This does not work. Choices are only simple, life is only simple when we gain distance from this analyzing, and start to trust in that which is meant for us. Trust is the underlying sense that leads to simplicity. It leads to simplicity because only when we are detached form the outcomes of our choices through trust can we make choices that open us to our highest potential. This is when things feel clean, clear, and simple. Otherwise we think ourselves into confusion and stagnation on any challenge that life has to offer us. And there are many. So, the thing to do here is to reach out to your uncertainty and seek to experience it as fully as possible. And do this with your sights set on trust. This leads us to our final thing to do.

Thing to do #5: Figure nothing out

The how of #4 where we are to simply BE with our uncertainty, is to resist indulging in our minds’ desire to solve it. It’s a hard thing for us to do because this is the opposite of how we have developed our minds. Our minds naturally crave our attention with an insatiable appetite for stimulation and analytical problem solving. Knowing no alternative, we have fed and continue to feed this hunger and our minds grow dominant. But we can turn the tables. We can create a great ally in our mind, once we’ve helped it learn to manage its appetite.

Meditative

In another previous post ‘How meditation is different from prayer‘ I talked about the difference between sitting meditation and practices that are meditative. Anything that we do mindfully, that helps our focus and quiets our chattering mind can be meditative. Swimming can be meditative. Walking can be meditative. Coloring can be meditative. And all of these can also be unhelpful distractions from our uncertainty, enjoyable distractions, but distractions nonetheless and NOT meditative practices if we allow our focus to wander off to other things while we are doing them. But engaging in mindful, meditative activities is another way to BE with our uncertainty.

Tag Team

The reason that our sitting meditation practice and our meditative activities lead us to comfort within our uncertainty is that any time that we spend with a quiet, focused mind is time that we don’t spend trying to solve it. At the same time, we are also making space for it to solve itself. Solve itself? Yes. It is possible for something to solve itself, if we allow ourselves to go through the process of allowing it, experiencing it, owning it, and letting it go. But we can do none of these things if we allow the show to be run by the tag team combination of our overthinking mind and our reactive fear.

The common thread

The one thing that all 5 of the ideas above have in common is that none of them offer a solution to the uncertainty. They offer no guidance on any choices that may be facing us, and no resolution to any of the difficulties that we may be facing in our lives. Instead, all 5 of these ideas offer different paths toward the same end, which is to help us get out of our own way. The relief from our uncertainty is not to be found or gained, it is to be allowed. Uncertainty is quite likely a call to acknowledge that which we have neglected. A call to something higher. An awareness that our relief and our bliss are to be found beyond that which we have identified as our self and the life and story in which we place ourselves. So, in this our uncertainty is a gift. An uncomfortable one. But only from our minds’ perspective. The something more inside of us knows that all is well.

For what it’s worth, and for the knowing that all is well.

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