How Long Does It Take to Make Friends (And How Does That Process Work, Anyway)?

The Art of Manliness

How long does it take to make friends — for someone you meet who's a potential friend, to turn into an actual friend? If you're out of college and not a young adult anymore, you know that it sure feels like it's a process that takes an awfully long time.

Well my guest has actually crunched the numbers on this question and has the numerical figures to answer it. As well as a whole lot of insight into the dynamics of friendship that are harder to quantify. His name is Jeffrey Hall and he's a professor of communication studies who counts friendship among the topics of his research. Today on the show, Jeff explains the three levels of friends that make up the sort of friendship hierarchy, how many hours it takes for someone to move from one level to the next, and why it's hard to accumulate these needed hours as an adult. We also talk about how sheer time isn't the only factor that's needed to transform an acquaintance into a close or best friend, and the other factors that need to be in play as well. We then shift into discussing another element that influences the friendship-making process: the expectations each friend has for friendship. We discuss how expectations for friendship differ according to sex and personality, and what happens when two people have differing expectations for what it means to be friends.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Related AoM articles on friendship:
  • 3 Things No One Ever Told You About Making Friends in Adulthood
  • How to Invite People to Do Things Without Being Awkward About It
  • Sunday Firesides: The 3 Types of Friendship
  • Sunday Firesides: How Not to Be Disappointed in Your Friends
  • The 3 Reasons Friendships End
• Related AoM podcasts on friendship
  • #567: Understanding the Wonderful Frustrating Dynamic of Friendship
  • #702: One Man's Impossible Quest — To Make Friends in Adulthood
  • #726: What's Causing the Male Friendship Recession?

Connect with Jeffrey Hall

• KU's Relationships and Technology Lab