Jerry Manney: Why We Argue And How To Stop


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By Brad Kearns. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

Today’s guest, Jerry Manney, has dedicated 35 years of clinical experience to helping people navigate the joys and pains of life.

A therapist and counselor, Jerry wrote the book, Why We Argue and How to Stop: A Therapist’s Guide to Navigating Disagreements, Managing Emotions, and Creating Healthier Relationships because one of the biggest challenges he’s seen people face over and over again is communication during conflict. As Jerry explains during this show, when arguments break out, nobody wins—so he wrote this book to help people figure out why they argue (and why other people argue), and also to provide some practical steps people can take to maximize communication and connection while minimizing unproductive arguments. You’ll learn how to stop arguing, why self-care has to take center stage, the importance of calling out time-outs (and the best way to do so), and much more!


Brad’s guest is here to help us stop arguing and communicate and listen in a more civil way. [00.52]

When emotions arise, all good communication skills seem to go south quickly. [04:40]

It is not only those close relationships that need these skills. It is everywhere you talk to people. [06:00]

Why do we argue? Is it about things or is it because we take the subject personally? Sometimes we argue to prove a point. [07:32]

Community Reinforcement Approach is a system designed especially for family or friends concerned about someone with drug or alcohol use. [12:33]

Ask yourself, “Why do I need to change people’s minds?” [15:20]

Try different, not harder. Try to really listen without projecting our own thoughts and feelings. [18:42]

We come from a point of bias that we may not be aware of. [22:46]

The relations that mean the most to you are usually the most difficult to navigate and the emotions escalate. [26:06]

Self-care is important because if it’s not there, your ability to relate to others is difficult. [28:37]

Guilt comes from a lot of different things. Excessive guilt can be counterproductive. Using the term “I’m sorry” can be over-used. [31:59]

Timeouts are a good suggestion but how do we utilize them to experience success? [36:08]

It is important and valuable to be brief when it is time for this difficult conversation. [41:45]

There are some tips about using certain phrases….do’s and don’t’s. Keep it simple, be positive, be non-confrontational, and respectful. [45:05]

Label your emotions. [51:41]


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