Damona Hoffman — How to Use Texting to Create Connection and Progress Through the Phases of Dating and Courtship with Dignity


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Marni welcomes dating expert, Damona Hoffman to the den to discuss pre-date texting. This in-depth discussion includes tips to get you out of the app and on to the date.

Key Takeaways:

● Should you text inside or outside a dating app?

● How often you should text before the first date?

● Is it appropriate to send a follow-up text after a date?

● The #1 thing you can do to become an excellent texter.

● 3 Pre-date texting rules.

● Should you use emojis when texting?

● How to respond to a simple ‘hey’ text.

Damona is a certified dating coach and the host of the long-running podcast, Dates & Mates. She is a TV personality who has been in two A&E series, Black Love and A Question of Love. She is a contributor to CNN Headline News, BET, The Post and Oprah's O magazine.

Traps and Pitfalls of Texting [1:56]

Traps of pre-date texting:

● Remember the whole point of texting is to move forward to get to the date.

● One big mistake people make is sharing too much over text. There is very little context in texting and can be too revealing too soon.

● Texting is designed for information, not conversation.

3 Pre-date Texting Rules [7:33]

The average text is responded to within 90 seconds. If the response doesn't happen in 24 hours there is a solid chance it won't happen.

A texting technique to adhere to is to make it feel like you are stepping into the middle of the conversation. Texting is designed for short burst communication and volleys back and forth. You want to be as concise as possible. If you thin it out you are more likely to get a response and it’s more likely to be read accurately.

3 Pre-date texting Rules

Keep it simple. Don't overwrite.

Add emojis or mood modifiers to enhance what you mean.

Avoid generic questions and ask compelling questions.

The #1 thing to do to be an excellent texter is to text like you talk to bring your personality out.

Is it OK to Send a Follow-up Text After a Date? [25:04]

In today’s dating scene, it is common place to send a text that night or the next morning. It's polite to say thank you, especially if a date bought dinner or drinks.

One trick is to send a statement or acknowledgement of something that happened on the date. Another technique, is to find a gif that adds humor and fun to the exchange. Think of texting as flirting with technology.

How to Respond to the ‘Hey’ Text [28:21]

If you receive a simple ‘Hey’ text respond with something cheeky. It depends on your interest level, of course. If you are using a dating app, and ‘Hey’ is their opening text, don’t respond. It's just weak.

Research says that men are worried about two things in dating:

1. That they will be thought of as a predator.

2. Being rejected.

Be clear when texting but give a guy some slack because a guy may not have the same awesome texting skills you do.

Make a Connection:

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