Dating Den Episode 104 — With Sherrie Toews: The Little Things You Don't Know You Do and Say That Push Him Away
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Are you a successful woman who doesn’t need a man BUT wants to have a man?
Are you pushing men away without even realizing it?
Do you make unjust negative judgments about your date without considering the positives?
Marni welcomes Sherrie Toews back into the Den. Sherrie has been a licensed therapist in California for 25 years focusing on trauma and family systems. She is an expert in her field who works with women in the elite program, 5 Keys to Being Irresistible. Sherrie focuses in on what is causing people to be stuck in their patterns, even if they don’t realize they are stuck. She shares the little ways women are influenced by their past traumas and how we can move forward into more positive dating experiences.
The Love Shield [3:00]
Sherrie describes the Love Shield as a collection of negative thoughts, feelings, actions or behaviors women hide behind. This negative energy and uncomfortableness lay just underneath the surface and shows up in little ways during dates, even when women believe they are having good dates.
Examples of the Love Shield in action:
- ● Do you minimize compliments people give you?
- ● Do you resist making eye contact?
- If you do you may unwittingly be sending out negative energy and putting up a love shield.
- Your Love Shield comes up because there is a part of you that is scared a previous trauma or you feel your identity is at risk.
- Sherri says that just understanding your childhood wounds doesn't mean they are healed. It's the emotional connection with the trauma as an adult that heals them.”
- The Hidden Dangers of Over or Under Expressing Yourself [13:43]
- There are fragments of our lives that don't seem like they should be causing any trauma but show up in different ways. If you are stuck in your head, overanalyzing every aspect of a date, when he called last, every single word he said — you may be stuck in your head.
- When you are stuck in your head it means your heart is not leading. And in relationships and love, it’s all about the heart! You could be missing out on queues about how he really feels about you when you think too much.
- Think about one of your positive attributes. Do you overexpress it to the point of it becoming unsettling? Or, do you under-express it because you are scared it will be too much? It could be hurting your dating life.
- So What? Now What? How to Move Forward. [20:29]
- Sherrie says in order to move forward women should take care to notice their judgments. How do you judge yourself? How do you judge other people? Remember your date is a human being who wants love, wants to avoid pain and wants to be happy, just like you.
- She suggests journaling about the negative judgments you make about yourself. Write each judgment down and then and make a positive script to replace the negative.
- When you are on a date, collect ten pieces of positive evidence.
- ● What did you do well?
- ● What did your date do well?
- ● What aspects of the date went well?
- When you drop the love shield, you soften a bit. It opens you up to wonderful connections and intimate relationships.
- Make a Connection:
- Dating with Dignity Website
- Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show
- Join Our Free Dating with Dignity Facebook Group Here!
- How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE