Manage episode 227414758 series 1095126
Are you still upset about a past relationship? Does it matter how you speak about it during a date?
Is your online dating profile authentically you?
Marni welcomes long-time Man Panel contributor, Michael Lushing into the Dating Den. Michael has worked in commercial real estate for over 35 years. He went back to University to obtain a Masters in Psychology and is one exam away from becoming a certified marriage and family counselor. At age 64, he is an open book about his three marriages, his mistakes, his lessons learned, and how he figured out what he was really looking for in a woman.
Michael Shares the Lessons He Learned From Three Marriages [3:56]
Michael says his first marriage was his “real” marriage. He and his first wife met in college, had kids and eventually just grew apart. His family wasn’t fond of his wife but they stayed married for 18 years. The lessons he learned from this marriage was to face his fears and start having courageous conversations about difficult subjects.
Wife number two lasted for less than a year and Michael admits even that was too long. His family had recommended he dated the woman and instead of following his heart, he took his family’s advice. The lesson he learned from this experience was to be true to himself.
Michael’s third wife started with infatuation but after two years of marriage, the passion faded. He realized she was not leading an honest life. He says he held on for longer than he should have because he feared getting back out on the dating scene because of his considerable relationship history.
How Michael Figured Out the Kind of Woman He Truly Wanted [10:33]
Michael met Marni through her male coaching sessions. He had divorced his third wife and was looking to start dating again. Marni recommended he start a 30-day dating hiatus but Michael resisted. It was only when he took a time out from dating he had the time to really consider who he was and who he was looking for.
When he did start dating again he went to an online dating site. Michael says it was a struggle for him especially when a woman's profile's didn't match her character when they met for a date. He was frustrated. He found it competitive and dishonest. One of his dates even admitted she created a false story just to attract men.
Ladies, it is imperative to be authentic and clear in your online profile about who you are and what you are looking for.
When dating, there is a difference in being authentic and vulnerable on a date and just verbally vomiting your story on another person.
If you have unresolved issues about a past relationship be aware there can be unconscious verbal leaking. Remember, you are sending out a vibrational energy other people can feel.
A quality guy may just check out. They recognize the woman is not ready for a relationship due to her unresolved issues, finish the date and decide not to see her again. Don’t be angry about your previous life. It is not attractive and it demonstrates you are not ready for a new relationship.
Men are Human Too [24:46]
Michael has learned to slow down, to be patient, and to find out who a woman is before making a commitment, not afterward. He recognizes that men have a hard time being alone so, they rush into things quickly. By slowing down, he learned what he appreciated and what he found attractive.
He says women shouldn’t want to change a guy. No one can change someone else. If you don't like someone for who they are right now he isn't for you. And, the more quickly you let go the quicker you will find someone who does fit your core values.
Core values can't be created they already exist within the other person.
Ladies, ask yourself what would it look like if I was looking to rule in rather than rule out? And, how can you seek to connect and hear someone rather than make up a story about them?
Make a Connection: