Dating Den Episode 110 — Coaching with Amy - What To Do if You Can’t Figure Out If He’s Into You or If He’s the Real Deal for Real
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Amy wants to become a savvy dater. She finds herself over analyzing what a guy is thinking and what clues he may be sending her about how the date is going. She also puts up her love shield in defense of her uncertainty. Marni coaches her through understanding her own motivations for succumbing to anxiety and how she can release her fear by leaning into her faith.
How to Know What is on a Guy’s Mind [2:41]
Amy really wants to make her dating journey enjoyable but gets hung up on how the guy is feeling about her. To size up how a date is going, she searches for clues from a guy’s body language or his facial expressions. She is looking for positive feedback. She reveals she has a history of domestic violence and dating narcissists. This creates insecurity in her so she puts up her love shield. This behavior is meant to protect her but it can also push people away.
Marni asks Amy to reflect on what makes her feel safe.
Amy says when guys exhibit these behaviors or attributes she feels safe:
- Family oriented
- Shared values
- If you have questions about things that are out of your control change your inquiry into a high-quality 'me' question. Consider what is going on inside of you to make you feel a certain way.
- Even if you have been hurt in the past, be open to believing someone's words as long as their behavior matches.
How to Trust Ourselves [11:43]
Amy knows the negative consequences of attaching too quickly. She admits she has a pattern of doing this and it never works in her favor. She says wants a relationship and connection. She is quick to imagine how she might fit into a guy’s life.
She truly desires to be more relaxed and enjoy casual dating instead of expecting a relationship quickly.
Marni walks her through the ways she is putting the man in charge of her emotional safety. Marni reminds her that she is in charge of herself and not the guy. So why is she trying to give up her power?
Amy shares her longing for validation. She gets stuck in a rut about what the little things mean. She understands she needs to trust herself more.
Don’t get caught up in the outcome of a date. Instead, focus on making a human connection.
Understanding Your Triggers [19:01]
Amy says she may be enjoying a date and feel comfortable sharing her life stories with someone and then she falls into her feelings of uncertainty.
- Dissecting this moment right when it happens to find out what is triggering her fear.
- Amy should ask herself ‘What is the feeling I have in my body before I attach a story to what is happening?’
- She should get curious about the story she makes up about not having her happily ever after.
- When she feels the fear come upon her she needs to relax and move back into her God connection.
- She should add a physical, somatic aspect to her calming practice.
She is activating a new muscle and breaking an old pattern. When she feels disconnected from peace and calm she should consider what story she is making up.
When she is not anxious Amy knows she can chill out because God will be bringing her the perfect guy. She should relax and enjoy her dates. She vows to not put up her love shield and relish in her faith in God.
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