Dating Den Episode 111 — with Michael Sorensen - The Surprisingly Simple Skill You Need to Create Connection in Less than 30 Seconds
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Marni welcomes Author Michael Sorensen into the den today to talk about the value of validation. Michael is an expert on listening and relationship skills. He uses a real-world approach when he talks with women about what they can do differently to create long-lasting relationships.
Michael’s award-winning and bestselling book, I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind the Extraordinary Relationships is transforming the lives of those who read it. He stumbled across relationship skills while working with a therapist and he is on a mission to share his insights with the world.
Why Long-Term Relationships Work [2:25]
Michael shares a personal dating experience that eventually led to him writing his book. In dating or in a relationship the way you respond to the other person plays a major role in how long your relationship will last. If you share interests with your date or partner and respond accordingly you are more likely to form a bond with that person.
Knowing how to validate others can impact your dating life. Validation is made up of two parts, one it identifies a specific emotion and two, offers justification for feeling that emotion. You have to connect with the person on some level. Effective validation requires empathy, effort, and authenticity. To practice validation even if the subject doesn’t interest you try asking a follow-up question to show effort.
Common Validation Mistakes [16:16]
Being present is super-important in today’s world. When someone wants to talk, put down your phone, turn off the tv or close your laptop. Your authenticity will shine through and the other person will feel validated from your sincere effort to hear them.
When someone comes to you with a difficult situation they don’t necessarily need advice or want you to fix their problem. They may just need some validation and empathy.
Common Validation Mistakes:
- Being distracted and not fully listening
- Trying to fix things or offer assurances.
Being aware of your expectations makes a huge difference, not just in dating but in every relationship in your life.
How to Make Someone Feel Comfortable Opening Up to You [26:00]
If you really want to get to connect with a person, learn how to validate. You will be shocked at how it transforms the dialogue. You can connect with anyone.
When we are curious about another person we ask questions in a way that doesn’t feel like an interview.
When we are creating relationships validation can be the skill that magically opens people up to help create chemistry and connection.
Make a Connection:
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