Manage episode 234347904 series 2421902
I hit the record button and hit Mia Moore with a surprise question: why are you so chill?
As we know from the mechanizations of the three components of the stress response (stimulus-perception-response), it’s not what we are faced with as much as how we respond to it that determines our ability to cope with hectic daily life. We agree that today we have opportunities, as well as the propensity to multi-task, and that we must do our best to regulate our attention optimally. When the stakes are low (like talking on phone while raking leaves), it’s pretty harmless, but if we are stressed and overburdened, sometimes it’s best to not talk and maybe just try giving your partner some space accordingly.
Mia is asked if she was born chill or can it be a cultivated skill, and you can be the judge of how you might up benefit from regulating your emotions and responses if you have a tendency to be reactive. Mia admits that even while growing up, she was always pretty mellow and even-keeled. However, that’s not to say she hasn’t had her moments – because some relationships unfortunately cause both parties to bring out the worst in each other. Aside from a few past incidents, Mia has managed to stay pretty much consistently chill – and despite her having an innately mellow disposition, it’s also a conscious decision she makes every single day to not react or behave in a negative way. Mia talks about what she learned from her dad, who worked as an accountant in the evenings after coming home from his regular 8 to 5 work day. Mia herself is the same, balancing a day job with real estate on the side!
Office environments can certainly be stressful, but since Mia learned long ago the importance of not being reactive, she has been able to help her colleagues foster effective communication and coping skills by empowering them to see things through a new perspective and think through their plan for action before they actually act. As Mia explains,
“It’s who I am...maybe that’s why I was so drawn to the book The 4 Agreements...because it is kind of how I live my life already, and maybe that’s why I am so chill. I don’t take things personally – that’s one of the things that people do that causes them not to be chill....”
How does Mia suggest other people cultivate and maintain their chill? By, “not taking it personally, not making assumptions, and knowing that other people are always doing their best. I’m not going to be like, ‘oh this person should have done this, or this person...’ I can’t do that, because they are doing their best with the tools they’ve been given.”
Do yourself a favor and see how your life changes when you are able to both cultivate and maintain a chill attitude. Don’t let yourself get too stressed about the inevitable distractions of daily life. Don’t take things personally. Make an effort to form true connections with people, and disconnect yourself from all the unimportant stuff. Do the best you can. We’re all trying to do the same, every day. But you can make it easier for yourself to do the best you can by adopting a non-reactive, chill mindset.
Brad thinks Mia is “chill”. She doesn’t think so. How do their perspectives differ? [03:02]
It is important in relationship or workplace to listen before you react. [08:59]
One of the things people do is take things personally and that causes them not to be chill. [11:21]
If you can’t do anything about a situation, just chill! [13:00}
Try not to get too stressed about the inevitable distractions of daily life. [14:52]