199 SelfWork: Trauma. Bonding: When Trust Is Manipulated and Destroyed

The SelfWork Podcast

What is a trauma bond? How does it form? Why is it important for that dynamic to have its own label or name” Trauma bonding happens when trust is highly manipulated; when commitment and trying to make a relationship work is used against someone as a way to keep them in denial or disbelief that a relationship is harmful to them. I’ve been there. I still have never revealed all that happened in that relationship; so much of it is now such clear abuse, I’m flabbergasted I didn’t see it for what it was. But I didn’t. Or I did, but then my need to ‘make the relationship work’ went to work.

I’ve found some authors who’ve written about it to help shine some light on the why and the how…Patrick Carnes may have been the first and we’ll give his definition of trauma bonding as well as the broader one. It’s also been associated or talked about as “the same” as Stockholm Syndrome, which we'll discuss.

Our listener email for today is from someone who wants some answers about enmeshment and what she terms “covert narcissism” – It sounds like she’s the daughter and feels enmeshed or has been told perhaps she’s enmeshed with him. It’s very much like our topic so I thought it meshed well with the topic.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

John Kim, aka The Angry Therapist provides an article on trauma bonding

A BBC article on Stockholm syndrome

An article in VeryWellMind.discusses features of covert narcissism

Wikipedia article on trauma bonds

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

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