Parenting as a planter

Unfiltered: Real Church Planting Conversations

Converge church planting leaders Lee Stephenson and Danny Parmelee discuss the lessons Lee learned as a pastor’s kid and how he’s applied them to his family and ministry.

1:17 Lee talks about how he and his wife both grew up as a pastor’s kid.
1:59 Lee discusses the pain his parents experienced in ministry and how that affected him.
3:47 Lee encourages pastors to allow their kids to see both the good and the ugly side of ministry.
4:49 Lee talks about how his parents brought him into some of the decisions they were making at their church.
5:10 Lee says he’s carried his parents’ practices over to his kids. "When we decided to move from Arizona to Florida, it was a family decision. We sat down with our kids. We talked to them about what God was doing in our lives, what God was maybe calling us to do and what they thought about that. We prayed together as a family. And when we decided to plant again, we asked them what they thought about it."
6:50 Lee talks about how to know what – and how much – to share with your kids about your church’s problems.
7:51 Lee says his parents never allowed him to see the disunity that existed in the church.
9:43 Lee says it’s OK for us as pastors, and as parents, to admit that we don’t have it all figured out.
10:35 Lee discusses how interacts with his family after a bad day at work.
11:34 Lee says it’s important to allow your kids to see the celebration moments too. "There are benefits to being the pastor’s kid."
12:36 Lee encourages pastors, when they have a speaking engagement, to ask the church to send a note back to their kid(s). "Maybe even a gift card that says, ‘Hey, thanks so much for sharing your dad with us this past weekend. Here’s $20 to McDonald’s. Why don’t you take your dad out for lunch sometime?’"
13:13 Danny says that when he travels, he likes to bring his 10-year-old daughter with him.
15:07 Danny and Lee say it’s OK if your family needs some time away from church on a Sunday.
16:20 Lee says it’s "such a gift" to see his son want to serve at church.
16:32 Lee says we’ve got to guard our kids from people in the church who demand higher expectations of them just because they’re the pastor’s kid.
17:01 Danny warns against connecting your kids’ behavior to your position. Avoid saying things like, "Don’t do that. Don’t you know what a reflection that will be on my position or the church? Because then they’re just tying their behavior to your position, instead of making it, ‘We don’t do that because Jesus doesn’t want us to."