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Vigaland Non-celebrity #MeToo Story #11-Melly - VIGALAND

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Vigaland Non-celebrity #MeToo Story #11-Melly

A GOOD MAN…ON PAPER!

September 23, 2011, filed within the court system is our “official” separation date. 17 months after exchanging wedding vows, 7 yrs of back and forth; 7 years of constant lies; 7 years of manipulation and hurt, I decided to end my marriage. In hindsight, there were signs, many many signs, that I turned a blind eye too all in the name and faith of love. It came down to a choice that left me deeply scarred and screaming #MeToo.
BACKSTORY:
Their children were playing outside. She could hear the 4 of them, her 2 children and her husband’s other 2, laughing and playing outside. She could smell clean laundry blowing out the dryer vent into the luke warm autumn day. She was folding his clothes. Socks folded neatly, not rolled or bunched together. Dress pants folded along the seam;in half and again. He was standing behind her, his hands were around her waist. She closed her eyes and steadied her breathing. His hands on her didn’t do anything for her anymore. It didn’t excite her as it once did, but it definitely didn’t calm the recent anxieties she had fallen too. He began to kiss her neck. He played with her hair that hung halfway down her back.
“Not now, please”, she repeated.
He pleaded with her to give their marriage another shot, to not leave him, to come back to their matrimonial home. He promised he was done with all the games, was sorry he had continued to hurt her in ways a husband should never hurt a wife. He took her by the arms and led her to the bedroom they once lovingly shared. She could still hear the children laughing and playing outside.
“Tag, you’re it!”, her eldest son called out.
He laid her down on the freshly made bed. She didn’t move. While he took her pants off all
he kept saying was “But I love you. Let me show you”. She was frozen. All she could do was lay there, face towards the window where she could see the children innocently chasing each other around and say “Please don’t do this”, over and over again while tears rolled down her face.
REFLECTIONS:
The “she” in this story, is me. Never in my life did I think this would ever happen to me. I am loud and opinionated. And if you hurt any of my children, you will feel the MammaBear wrath. But somewhere along the way, I lost my voice. I lost who I was.
I remember kissing my children goodbye that day and telling them I would be back in the morning to wake them up and get them ready for school. They hugged me and went back to their game of tag. As I headed to my girlfriend’s house I shook my head in disbelief. Had that really just happened to me?
“No, it couldn’t have”, I thought to myself. He was my husband after all. A good man on paper; seemingly hard working man who appeared to love his wife and children.
As I headed towards the highway overpass, I paused for a moment in the middle and stared out into the traffic. I began to think that maybe he was right. Maybe I really was worthless. Maybe I would never again know happiness or feel my heart excite. That maybe, I truly did deserve to be woken up in the middle of the night and being called a whore, a bitch or whatever other degrading name he could drum up to hurt me and being so scared when he came at me while sitting up in bed like a linebacker. Full shoulder rammed into my chest knocking me off the bed and slamming onto the cold concrete floor. My head smashed off our dresser. My wrist, bore my full body weight (and still aches to this day). Maybe I deserved all of that too.
As I rubbed my wrist, for one fleeting moment, I thought that if I jumped right now, right then and there, that everyone would be better off. I stood up on my toes looking down. It wasn’t an overly high overpass but definitely knew there would be no surviving that fall.
As all 4 children hollered in unison “MOM!!! BYE MOMMY”, I was thankful to be just far enough away that they couldn’t see me crying. I waved back at them.
Unbeknownst to all them, and to most people reading this who know me and what I went through, my children saved me.

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