The Modern Stoic #17: Helping People Change

Voices in the Dark

How and when to help other people; whether we can really get anybody to change after a certain age; how to check we’re not also in need of correction (and whether we should calibrate that by looking at everyone else, or turning to our inner compass).

Drawing from Letter 25, this one is all about timing, making change, and the hard work that always requires. This week, Seneca is on Lucilius's case about some mutual friends – one old, one young, and both in need of some correction to get their lives back on track.

But how can we make people change? Can or should change ever be forced in another person?

Seneca says it all depends – context is everything and the same approach isn't going to work on everyone. So what are the most important contexts to consider, and when is the right time to push rather than bide our time?

Seneca probably didn't have access to the internet, so how does that play into things today? Can we ever convince someone to change their mind online – and given the deluge of hate messages we received after our Jordan Peterson episode, we've got quite a bit to mull over ourselves. Do we reply, give up, not care, or what?

Seneca seems to encourage shaming people to help them grow, but we think that’s too dangerous an emotion to use – it didn't do much to reform Cersei Lannister, and it's unlikely to bring anyone over to your cause.

It's not all doom and gloom, though – we also talk about friendship, and how cultivating a good one relies on willing but diligent effort, like maintaining a vintage car.

And we share an amazingly effective technique to find out what you really want – to get in touch with your gut instinct without getting too caught up in your head.

Dre decides that the only way to read Seneca properly is to do so in Italian, and Jon refuses to wear a Modafinil t-shirt. Both of us are probably poopy-pants, though. You decide.

Also Including:

• When to give up on trying to help someone change
• The power of travel to change your mind
• Rage orgasms
• How your parents can fuck you up – even by being nice
• The perils of solitude
• Who and how to appoint someone to become the figure looking over your shoulder and keeping you on course

Find Out More:

• Our controversial episode on Jordan Peterson and Cathy Newman
• Tony Robbins Netflix special, I Am Not Your Guru
• Hit us up on our brand new Instagram!
• The full text for free on WikiSource

Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.