What Does A Pussy Have To Do With THIS?! BONUS EPISODE !!*

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Warning - This episode probably won't be funny to anyone other than my sister but as it's almost my father's birhtday I thought I would honor him by letting him listen to just how rediculous he is. Our relationship has always been a battle. Even though after 30 years I KNOW that trying to win an argument is akin to screaming at the wind for blowing, I can't help myself. When I was little and I would tell him something hurt, no matter what the level of severity from head ache to broken wrist he would always retort the same thing, "would you like me to take a hammer to your big toe, then X will hurt less..." We are the literal embodiment of my second favorite Dr. Suess Story, about the North Going Zax and the South going Zax from the prairie of prax who argue about nothing forever while the world forgets them. So over Passover I a wonderful time with my family and as he was helping me do some errands we got into this inane disagreement about his driving. Let me preface this by saying that I use the word "driving," loosely. My father acts as though he's in a formula one race car and were on our way to the hospital for a life or death heart transplant. He disagrees. He sees his driving as a perfect symphony of masculine knowledge and skill, and it should be up to him which of the rules of the road he obeys because other people have less skill and less abilities. I Disagree with that, and so the serpent eats his tail forever...i really don't know why I don't just shut up and just pray to Dionysis for protection. Either way, this is an absolutely perfect example of one of our arguments. I bring up a factual thing independent of our relationship and somehow it always goes back to the fact that it's really my problem and indicative of a life that will be spent inside a shoe surrounded by cats. I leave you with the wise words of Dr. Suess my hero: The day before today,One day, making tracks In the prairie of Prax, Came a North-Going Zax And a South-Going Zax. And it happened that both of them came to a place Where they bumped. There they stood. Foot to foot. Face to face. “Look here, now!” the North-Going Zax said, “I say! You are blocking my path. You are right in my way. I’m a North-Going Zax and I always go north. Get out of my way, now, and let me go forth!” “Who’s in whose way?” snapped the South-Going Zax. “I always go south, making south-going tracks. So you’re in MY way! And I ask you to move And let me go south in my south-going groove.” Then the North-Going Zax puffed his chest up with pride. “I never,” he said, “take a step to one side. And I’ll prove to you that I won’t change my ways If I have to keep standing here fifty-nine days!” “And I’ll prove to YOU,” yelled the South-Going Zax, “That I can stand here in the prairie of Prax For fifty-nine years! For I live by a rule That I learned as a boy back in South-Going School. Never budge! That’s my rule. Never budge in the least! Not an inch to the west! Not an inch to the east! I’ll stay here, not budging! I can and I will If it makes you and me and the whole world stand still!” Well… Of course the world didn’t stand still. The world grew. In a couple of years, the new highway came through And they built it right over those two stubborn Zax And left them there, standing un-budged in their tracks.

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