19: When Your T1D Child is Being Rejected by a Friend

Sweet Talk for Parents of Kids with Type One Diabetes

Welcome to another episode! Today’s question comes from a listener who wrote to me, and I have a friend and fellow T1D mom, Annie, to join the discussion and offer her perspective on this difficult situation. Join us!

Show Highlights:

• Question from “Feeling Powerless”: “I need help in supporting my T1D daughter, who is in 3rd grade and was diagnosed almost a year ago. Her best friend since forever has begun to reject her around her diabetes. Most recently, she said that she doesn’t want to come to the anniversary celebration of her diagnosis, but the problem extends to not wanting to be around her at school or our house. I am friends with the girl’s mother, but I don’t know how to talk to her about it. My daughter is so sad, and I don’t know how to help, even though I’ve tried telling her to focus on other friends who are willing to help out.”
• JoAnne’s Answer (with input from Annie): “Friendship shifts are not uncommon for 3rd graders, but this is a hard thing. Kids often feel uncomfortable around their friends getting all the attention, and we see this often at school or with siblings at home. It’s also possible that this friend is afraid of needles and the responsibility of walking her friend to the school nurse because it feels scary. Since we don’t know the child’s reasons, we are focusing on how this mom can support her T1D daughter, and whether there is room to have a conversation with the friend’s mom. “Powerless” can validate that it feels bad for her daughter and speculate that this is a rough patch that may change for the better with the friendship over time. The friendship doesn’t have to be over because this girl is struggling with diabetes right now. Since there is a relationship with the girl’s mom, I think “Powerless” should go to the mom and discuss the problem with curiosity around how she might be feeling. It might be helpful for the moms to have the discussion first, and it’s important for the moms not to catastrophize the situation for the girls. These are eight- or nine-year-old girls, and there can be all kinds of ups and downs in friendships. I think the validation piece is about how diabetes is causing the shift in the friendship, which is painful, but there are other allies who can be supportive and helpful. As far as the Dia-versary celebration (See Resources for a blog post on the topic), there isn’t a right or wrong way to do it, but this may be another situation in which the friend may not be comfortable with all the attention around diabetes. It might be better to keep those celebrations within the family and not invite others to participate. It is not a birthday party, and sometimes it’s harder for people outside the family to understand the context of the celebration. It might be an easier pill to swallow for this friend for the special-ness of the occasion to be kept for the family members. This is an opportunity for “Powerless” to teach her daughter to state her needs in a situation that seems almost adversarial. It would be great for her daughter to acknowledge to her friend that diabetes is hard, but she still wants her to be a friend. That’s a big ask for a 3rd grader, I know. It’s important to realize that sometimes friends are good at showing up in some ways but not so much in others. Parents have to exercise caution about getting caught up in the kids’ drama. It’s always better to hold it lightly.”

Resources:

Blog post mentioned in this episode about Celebrating Dia-versaries: https://www.diabetessweettalk.com/blog/pe968a6ocp7vomgcos4rw2i0jdif8z

Visit my website for available resources and upcoming courses/webinars: www.diabetessweettalk.com

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