Also: • And I Looked Into the Chicken's Eyes • What Exactly is Stroking This Little Endorphin Rush of Pleasure? • No State-Sponsored Kid-Diddling Involved • I Have a Love-Hate Relationship With ESTJs • A Dorky Evening Serial Drama That Starred Alec Baldwin • That Absolute Asshole of a Child • Someone Whose Middle Name is Actually "Car" • Covered in…

• The Tail is Wagging the Dog, at This Point • A Smarmy Group of Know-It-All Assholes • After a Prolonged Edging Session • Your Caramel-Smooth Voice and Pipes of a Flautist • Funniness is Holiness • How Many Birds are Named After White Men? • Skibidi, Nut, and Gooning • Gen-Alpha Emerged From the Dank Depths Below • Rife With Irony, Irritation, Bor…

Also: • Chatting Up Some Mormon Floozy • Full of Privileged Little Snot-Nosed White Kids • Like a Gutted Walleye • You've Stepped Into the Greatest Dojo on Earth • I Only Have One Torso • Leaving Pieces of Steak on Her Porch • Naked in Front of Polite Company • Charlie Kirk Among Pink-Haired Leftists • Her Mouth in a Big Giant Ice Sling • The Famil…

Also: • Bang the Drum About the Tinkerbell Effect • It's Been Donkey's Years • How Many Megatons of Beetle Flesh Would it Be? • In a Pool of His Own Shit in the Green Room • You're in Fine Fettle! • Explain the Very Large Diversity of Marsupials • One Very Tenacious Peanut Farmer • The World's First Sexually Ambiguous Superhero • 46 Pounds of Stero…

Also: • And I Looked Into the Chicken's Eyes • What Exactly is Stroking This Little Endorphin Rush of Pleasure? • No State-Sponsored Kid-Diddling Involved • I Have a Love-Hate Relationship With ESTJs • A Dorky Evening Serial Drama That Starred Alec Baldwin • That Absolute Asshole of a Child • Someone Whose Middle Name is Actually "Car" • Covered in…

Also: • An "Old Man Screams at Clouds" Moment • Like Hello Fresh, But With Human Anatomy • I'm Not Stalin but You're Mao-Thing Off • They Had to Kill Thousands of Orangutans • Unless I'm in the Mood for Popeye's Chicken • It's Always Blood Sacrifice • Lodged in My Brain Like Corn in My Teeth • I Said "Rhodesia" Flippantly • With Lips of Power and V…

Also: • Somewhere Between Hiroshima and Tsar Bomba • I'd Rather Not Have Tinnitus • And a Very Large Blast Crater • The Most Popular Smut on the Internet • A Swim in a Spent-Nuclear-Fuel Pool • The Same Reaction to a Baboon • All Ready to Tear Each Other's Throats Out • Throwing Punches, or Setting Fire to Their Guest House • A Lot of Animalism and…

Also: • Delighted to Introduce Sbubby to Your Cousin • Almost the Same Level of Skeleton • They Ran Off Scampering Into Trees, Naked • Happy With a Perceived Idiot in Charge • The Veep Just Shot a Guy in the Face • Two Can Keep a Secret if One is Lobotomized • The Word Pretzels We Tie Ourselves Into • Should We Be Eating Babies? • Weeping on the Gr…

Also: • He Can Stand Up During Doggy • Beaten Into Submission With a Metronome • Stiff, Awkward, Shitty White-People Music • The Comedic Needs of Generation Alpha • Was Mercury in Gatorade? • You Were There, Waddling Around as a Toddler • Mmm-Hmm, That is Baby-Makin' Music! • Such Insufferable Disco Schmaltz • Was That When They Killed Your Lemon V…

Also: • I Recently Won a Battle for a Sponge Cavity • A Little Spot Called Quoddy Head • Consensual Beatings That Trigger Urination • Sea Lions, Sunfish, and Julius Caesar • Maybe a Little Skanky on the Weekends • Runts Make Love, Not War • Involve Battery Acid in Your Reproductive Process • Classic Frank Zappa Judo • They Always Served Lobster to …

Also: • The Older Ladies Were All Fans of Capital Punishment • He Couldn't Not Get His Dick Wet • Well, Ain't This Place a Geographical Oddity! • A Giant Horseshit Kangaroo Court • He's Honorable Because His Dad's a Lord • A Bulletproof Chamber You Could Walk Through • Bryan's Recipe Ecstasy Corner • I Never Thought Leopards Would Eat My Face • A G…

Also: • Dude, This Does Not Suck! • What Strange Shower Were You Bathing In? • And I Use This Term Incorrectly • Two Matching Diamond-Encrusted Cock Rings • As I'm in This Perpetual State of Cringe • Skeet Shooting is Really Bad for Television • Massively Irritate My Already Irritated Bladder • Korean Archers Have Groupies • Just the Look of Baffle…

Also: • We Probably Don't Eat Enough Mud • The Coffee Pot for Masochists • A Known Thing That You've Got a Limp Noodle • She's Still All Sniffly • Part of That Process is My Butthole • Large Muscular Mounds of Grossness • This Will Make Her a Screamer • Chronic Pinkeye From Sunrise to Sunset • Another Kidney Stone on the Way • Particularly Recalcit…

Also: • This Giant Sea of Poison Ivy • Sidenote: D.C. Sucks • Because Your Beloved Has the 'Rona • Another Potentate from Paraguay • Chinese is Full of Tripthongs • Duct Tape, Bailing Wire, and Chewing Gum • The Legendary Place to Lose Volleyballs • Rob Had This Weird Voodoo • Sucking Away Massive Amounts of Your RAM • Raised on Hose Water and Negl…

Also: • All the Places You've Sharted Yourself • Guys Eating 70-Foot Pizzas • A Weird Kink That's Unreciprocated • And I'm Not Even a Dog Guy • June is Busting Out All Over • You're a Different Kind of Rat • A Cross Between John Lennon and Geddy Lee • We Elected You Resident Sex God • Weird and Spidery and Way Out on the Edge • And Then I Want to T…

Also: • We Live in a Post-Pac-Man-Fever Wasteland • Let's Jitz and Squaw Till We're Jatzed • Is There a Cameo by Pinkman? • I've Always Been a Lot More Effete Than Travis Kelce • Fatwa Sex is the Best Sex There Is • Six Cicada-Killing Hornets Outside Our Laundry Room • The Guide to Recalcitrance is on the Back of Your Shirt • A Lot Harder When it's…

Also: • Let's Abolish the 7-Day Week • So Much More Angular, Upsetting, and Obtuse • Kicking the Shit Out of the Credenza • A Massive Emotional Scab Ripped Off One Day • Jordan Sounds Like a Lunatic • A Man Will F*** in a Cardboard Box • You Feel Seepy and Got a Hangnail • I Still Don't Understand Autogynephilia • Who's Left if We Remove Linda? • E…

Also: • Please Do Not Think Too Hard About This • We Spoon for All the Wrong Reasons • Death and Gangrene and Putrefaction and Dogs and Cannibalism • Single Out the Jews as an Entire Category • No Botulism at McDonald's • God's Got a Great Rack • That's a Damn Miracle Right There • Jonah, Pissed to the Point of Dying • Was it, Like, Brainworm? • Th…

Also: • You Take a Dinghy to Get There • The Lurkers, the Listeners, the Shadows • Is This Fighting or Really Violent Sex? • A Chunk Out of Your Leg and a Dead Seal Next to You • Foxy John's Bardware Store • Me and My Terrified Ass, Bleeding From One Hand • No Better Time to Have Daddy There • The Stock is Falling for Straight White Men • Vigilante…

Also: • Jet Fuel for My Colon • I Haven't Had My Swashes Buckled in a While • Greater and Greater Levels of Pure Dadaism • This Life of Near-Hermetic Isolation • I Was Playing Cornhole With My Butt • Semi-Competitive Bible Study • You Shot Your Toes Off With the Gun You Loaded • We Both Became Gigantic Monster Babies • Maybe it was a Gay Shibboleth…

Also: • We're Talking About Gourds • Some Howling, Narcissistic Rendition of a Christmas Song • Mayonnaise a Lotta People! • Words You Didn't Know Were in the Redneck Dictionary • Black Size Matters • Mow Over Some Beta-Ass-Bitch Inferior Vehicle • No One Spit Out Their Beer or Their Nachos • Hands in the Air, Massaging His Nipples • People Eat Wit…

Also: • Ever Known Someone Who Could Gleek? • Cuyler, You're an Emotional Strobe Light • Just Summer Camp Middle-School Sodomy • Dave's Seen Some Pretty Heinous Shit • Kind of Goon, Kind of Ogre-Looking • The Pet Sematary Version of Ronald Reagan • Watch Her Puke Up Her Lunch • A Very Stupid and Emotionally Stunted Dog • Little Pupating, Disgusting…

Also: • Hold Down the Screaming Soldier • Nebraska is Just a Single Monolith of Nothingness • Absence of Red Tape and Justice for All • She is an Ocean Unto Herself • Complaining About How Stinky Chicago Is • OIMBY, Bucko! • We Don't Insult Our Former Guests • One of the Most Tannah-Marshall Moments • Just Three Shy of Kevin Bacon • You Forgot to M…

Also: • If You Have a Daughter, Name Her Bob • Every Year Tom Becomes a Weirder Human Being • I Thought CMT Was a Time Zone • Are You Supposed to be Schwasted? • A Functional Guide to Nepotism • Fuck the Library of Congress; We're Doing Rainbows • 'Raging Bull' Meets 'Jean de Florette' • The Nerves in My Legs is Shot • A Rubber Ducky With a Jeep Gr…

Also: • The Cigarette Doctors Recommend Most • Go Warsh in the Crick • Perry has, Functionally, a Canadian Accent • The Best Place to Get Sucker Punched • Did This Involve Women Lifting Their Shirts at Padre Island? • That German Guy Spun and Spun and Spun • We Gotta Incorporate That Shit • That's a Sauna for Every Two People • When Someone Covered…

Also: • You Can Beat a Dead Horse to Water • A Nepotist's Symposium • Until Bryan No Longer Inhales Food • I Waded Through Urine at One Point • As Much Testosterone as a Gorilla Gets • For the Mongrels to Chew On • Is Hufflepuff Just a Bunch of Stupid People? • Doug is Dead From the Neck Down • How Many Ex-Rockstars are Drooling Into Buckets • More…

Also: • You and I Have Looked Longingly at the Razor Wire • Fired for Saying "Booger" on the Air • She Was Permanently a Virgin, in Spite of Having Several Sons • A Mix of Bedtime Story and Eldritch Horror • Jesus Rolls Out the Best Weed • This Annoying Toothpaste Jingle Playing Everywhere • Are We Going to Get Sued for This? • His Wife's Stupid In…

Also: • Drive You Into a Pall of Weird, Reflective Silence • Defecate Before Joining the Conversation • My Crippling Addiction to Caffeine • They've Got the High Schoolers and the Potheads • Eat a Literal Half Kilogram of Greek Yogurt • First Cousins Can Only be Removed Once • The Best Fake Oscar Wilde Perpendicularisms • Horrendously Ugly and Trem…

Also: • This Idiot Who Thinks the Titanic Sailed From Belfast • Was There Holy Vomiting? • I Did Anal in the Forest Preserve • Inform the Staff if There's a Biohazard at Play • Reed Gets a Torta • The Beans Tasted Like Feet and Poop • He Didn't Do Evangelical Porn, I Guess • A Concoction of Dandelions and Mud • Strip Mine the Living Shit Out of Wes…

Also: • Very Expensive and Very Dangerous, Especially in a Garage • Piss Susan Off at Deeper and Greater Levels • Here's an Andes Mint, Just for Your Trouble • Star Trek's "Men in Red Shirts" Phenomenon • Drive a Tent Peg Through the Guy's Temple • She Was Cut in Pieces and Sent to the Twelve Tribes • Chia Pet Scooby Doo Head Lamps • It Always Seem…

Also: • Oh, I Can Illustrate "Sexpot"! • A Nice Sweet Bright-Faced Little Virginal High School Boy • Ground Up, Burnt, and in the Compost Bin • A Compound Archetype of Übermensch and Dreamboat • See the Saggy Bits on Her Face • How Cannot the Internet Immediately Anoint Him God-King? • Not the Intended Outcome of Sand Dune Time • Either Pretended o…

Also: • The Swastika's Getting All This Attention • I'm Being as Germanic as I Can • All This Boner Semen Energy You Got • Nobody Ever Fed Me a Bowl of Mustard • All Roads Lead to John Paul Mendocha • Peat-Moss-Level Vulgarity About Everything • Dirty Bulking is Fun • I Do Regret Not Eating Cheese • A Fascinatingly Textured Piece of Cabbage • So Go…

Also: • Grandpa is Turning 19! • My Brief Foray Into Branch Swinging • Refer to Her as "Toots" • Carrie Fisher Killing Large Groups of People • Force Fed Through Dialogue Into Your Mouth • Infinite Diatribe and Universal Scorn • Little Guttersnipes and Chimney Sweeps • Who the Hell is Ricardo? • Nobody Wants an NFL Without Steroids • The Mere Relig…

Also: • 50 People Who Fecked Up Ireland • The Buffalo Bills of Presidential Candidates • I'd Read the Fuck Out of That Book • Obligatory, Perfunctory Sex • Do I Have to Kiss Adam? • Sucking the Grease Out of Leftover Newspapers • Three Cheers for Teutonic Sex! • A Roundhouse Kick to the Upper Jaw • Mud Wrestling, With Ejaculation • The Kids are Inf…

Also: • I'll Be Eating the Consequences • Make That Bass Your Bitch • Inside Joliet Prison 7 Times • Pepperoni-Shaped Nipples • Must Be Your First Race War • Keep the Four Drunks Happy • Filipino Gastropub Fusion Food • Whatever Spigot You Found • Urban Spelunking • Monopoly as a Trauma Signal Recorded February 1, 2024.…

Also: Weird Resonances of My Skull You're Doxxed in One Dimension Addicted to the Fucking Sun It is Bombardment Nonetheless Looks Like a Brain Hemisphere Nail How Putrefied Your Amputated Leg Is My Neanderthal Brow Ridge The Unwitting Adam of the Marshall Nuclear Waste Two Words: Unga Bunga Next to the Blue-Footed Boobies Recorded January 11, 2024.…

Also: An Audacious-Ass Thing to Say Deliciously Handsome and Effervescently Rugged More Likely to Shit Myself Strangle Yourself Bench Pressing Sacrifice My Son on the Table Next to Me This Superhero Likes Drinking Beer I Won't Not Eat, Ever Your Texting is Temperamental As Soon as it Becomes a Sausage Party That's Not a Gym, It's a Hospital Recorde…

Also: Delightfully Pajama-Esque This Solid Half-Mound of Chocolate Goodness Hillbillies Doing Their Hillbilly Shit All Dirt Roads Lead to Tech The Greek Orthodox Expansion Pack Post-China, Agnostic, and Still Processing Rage Are You Wearing Overalls? Extraordinarily Sweet and Strange Gifts It's in There Like a Rotten Tooth Despite the Entire Pizza …

Also: ChatGPT's Seasonal Affective Disorder Stick a Laser Up Your Pecker This Book Full of Japanese Smut Extraordinarily Smart and Pathologically Cunning 'Tis the Solstice, Mr. Sun I Prefer Robot Bears to Foreign Nurses Raising Money for Men's Buttholes What Other Cultures Find Titillating You've Got Some Unburied Hatchets Fortunately Pretty but Un…

Also: A Survivalist Born Just North of Hell Roundly Enjoying Haka Dances Do a Little Cock and Bone Yourself The Underlying Ludicrousness of the Monoculture Sauce for the Michigander Talk About Getting Stoned A Spiritual Piece of Jesus-Jitsu The Decade of the Fashion Faux Pas We'll Get to Eggcorn in a Second They'll Clean Your Clock Eight Ways to Su…

Also: A Gummy Just Before Oppenheimer All the Other Stodgy Preachers Practicing Gluttony of Insistence How Many Holes Does a Human Face Have? Your Affectionate Uncle, Screwtape I've Learned Enough About Topology Either a Luddite or a Technophobe Next Time it's Cloudy, Don't Bitch About It Go Scrambling Through an AdWords Account Last Week We Went O…

Also: Leave Baby Harp Seal Off the Menu Tastes Like Poverty Food to Me A Crippling Case of the Itis Your Dad Hates Fried Chicken The Hat Full of Old Conservative Pundits She's Got Nasal Epilepsy The Single Most Destructive Organism That Ever Lived And Then it Stank Up My Car Corral Frank and Make Him Behave At Risk of Being Tear Gassed Originally r…

Also: Out of Sheer Impish Malevolence AWP: Alcohol, Weed, and Panties Put the Fish in the Basket, or Get the Hose Sheep, Depression, and Patches of Peat Moss An IQ of 160 and Completely Useless Vali Always Leaves a Fan On Poetry That Makes No Conscious Sense Squeeze More Juice Out of the Lexical Orange Deeply Confused and Mildly Upset Hitchcock Dir…

Also: Alabama Went Swimmingly Watching Dolphins Sexually Assault Each Other This Lady's Got Labes Indiscriminately Killing CEOs and Mailmen The Best I Can Do is "Kielbasa" To Assassinate the President, Bomb the White House I Was Eating Indian Food, and Confused Homer Promoted to Independent Contractor Cogent, and Completely Nuts I'm Either Supercil…

Also: In Paradise, Fed Honeyed Cakes Saggy Sacks of Burlap on Top of a Skeleton And I've Dreamt Some Doozies Cory, Who Aimed a Shotgun at Your Father Living at Her Majesty's Pleasure Pretty Much Anytime I'm Masticating The White Box With the Cock on It But Frank, That's Sodomy! I Don't Want Your Impetigo The World Champions of Prison Torture Origin…

Also: Jesus Returns, With Vietnam Flashbacks Like a Constipated Weiner Dog Ritually Destroy Specific Parts of Your Body The Persians Can One-Up the Assyrians My Two Adorable Podcast Buddies Why People Hate Planet Fitness I Dunno, Kill the Birds Eat Their Bread of Affliction Like the Viking I've Always Dreamed of Being Pretty Heavy on the "Not Honor…

Also: Intergenerational Serial Armed Robbery Learn to Pronounce "Iñárritu" A Kidney Stone Photo Without Context It's Like I Farted in the Car Our Franchise-Soaked Cinema Landscape The $120 Million Meta-Joke A Bunch of Shit Started Happening in Jerusalem This Cancer Collateral Circle Jerk A Very Gregarious Gift-of-Gab Kind of Dude Smear Your Own Blo…

Also: Sunk-Cost-Fallacy Our Way Through Love Spec Your Stats Into Charisma Qatar Gently Weeps Yet Another of Your Adorably Odd Brothers Or Just Leave the Stool Behind Whether or Not You Scream at the Kids B-Flat is Definitely Green If You're a Goddamned Satanist Those Knuckle-Draggers Down There Bowling, But With Trampolines Originally recorded Oct…

Also: A Bunch of Guidos With Gold Chains Time in Heavily Irradiated Areas As an Uncle-Nephew Bonding Experience Piss on the Sacred Space I Need a Mosquito Net If Shit Hits the Fan, I Can Do Hard Labor Some Egg Concoction Dig Post Holes With a Smile on My Face Flunkies, Goons, Duct Tapers, Box Tickers, Taskmasters Go Out With a Tuscan Bang Originall…

Also: A Pint in Your Favor Your Head is Wild by Definition Snails Encased in a Jar of Kool-Aid We Ordered Kayfabe and Django The Tiny Banana Republic of Gozvandina Rumpelstiltskin, Metaphorized None Pizza With Left Beef I'm the Fan for the Bouncy Castle Ya Gotta Be a Good Hang Gobs of Meat and Umami Goodness Originally recorded August 31, 2023.…