RFK Jr and his damn birds. Chris says he's "the political Beavis." Tons of information and no power. ALSO: Leonard Leo, the Patriot Front and Grover Nordquist. Brooks Brothers is Frederick's of Hollywood for flirty fascists. PLUS: Hunter-gatherers on arabica, Can Do Cold Brew and a song of the week from The Folk Implosion!!! Folk Implosion - "Crepu…

Alternate titles: "Forgetting Love Canal" or "Capitalism is the Opposite of Enlightment." ALSO: Hot Plate: the scratch-off - If you get a pork chop, you get a ticket to the fair. PLUS: Greg's biologist friend, Chris ruminates on the human condition and a great old REM song!!!! REM - "Supernatural Superserious": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9lWm…

"Well, we've gotten to the bottom of nothing, now." - Chris ALSO: Robin Gibb gets TOO sexy. Small people with giant heads. The Bikeriders. PLUS: The Maharishi was the Joel Osteen of 1965. Robin Gibb - "Please": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krTDTocxyt0 Robin Gibb - "Sing Slowly Sisters" (full album): https://youtu.be/QNMPcN6_oy0?si=emP92L8psLtPYP…

Low-budget charcuterie. Shoddy kayaks, pants - and dogs! Was the Constitution triple-spaced? ALSO: The New Advice KIng column: "Should Progressives Vote, or Let It all 'Burn'?" PLUS: The Can Do Cold Brew Dome, and songs of the week from Danko Jones and SMALL!!! Danko Jones - "Cadillac": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zw3Ta2UXSLk SMALL - "No One An…

150 Episodes!!!! Past #CBGML publicity stunts that have gotten us in trouble, i.e. filling ponds with cold brew, spraying pond water onto the mayor's furniture store. ALSO: Greg's AI movie script! Charles Manson covering Kelly Clarkson! PLUS: Meeting your future wife at Rock City, and a new Jesus Lizard song!!!! The Jesus Lizard - "Hide and Seek": …

Chris doesn't know how America's two-party system came to be. Greg gently offers a correction. ALSO: TV on the gas pump. Chris says: "I don't want to put everyone down in the world first thing in the morning." PLUS: Using AI to make, ahem, great movies! A song of the week from the Bee Gees! A new Can Do Cold Brew ad! Bee Gees - "Mr. Natural": https…

Neil Hamburger, fake eyeballs and Joe Rogan. ALSO: Bill Burr vs Bill Maher. Eddie Vedder screen printing on a private jet. PLUS: Stone Gossard's groundbreaking athleisure, and a song of the week from Helmet! Helmet - "FBLA": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6p85hfISkw Cold Brew Patreon: Patreon.com/chriscrofton Channel Nonfiction: Channelnonfiction…

Chris is back from the Neil Hamburger tour!! Chris is happy! Greg is happy! Gregg Turkington hung out with Anton LaVey. That's right, you read it right. ALSO: Paddy Chayefsky, soothsayer. Chris sold 12 books in Sioux Falls. PLUS: Greg yelled at a powerlifter, Can Do Cold Brew and a song of the week from Elvis Presley!!!! Elvis Presley - "Patch it U…

Greg says the show is "a finely packed and stacked operation." Chris talks about his inner life, AGAIN. Neil Young, meglomaniac. ALSO: Open mics at barber shops. Wes Anderson always wears a bellhop outfit when he writes. Ethan Hawke and Bono regurgitating Cliffs Notes. PLUS: Shorty Shea's luggage. RIP Steve Albini. Song of the week by The Breeders,…

Youtube prarie dogs, feeling self conscious around Persian cats. Obama's Pearl Jam birthday. ALSO: Greg calls Chris "Chris Kaczynski." The sportification of America. PLUS: All of our listeners work at tire shops. Can Do Cold Brew. Song of the week from Richard Harris! Richard Harris - "A Tramp Shining": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYvWRhH0rsM J…

"Nut Pods." Coachella is a PSYOP. Camels standing up to their *waists* in water. ALSO: Rigged scales at Walmart. Greg says bananas are ripening extra fast. PLUS: Dark tales from Bonnaroo 2013, and Pearl Jam's, um, not-so-good new record (except for one pushup song). Pearl Jam - "Dark Matter": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Fx8LprPMIU Cold Brew Pa…

Good news!! XOBy Chris Crofton

The nightmare in Gaza. ALSO: Powerlessness, foodies and trying to get famous. Principles before personalities. PLUS: Sidney Lumet's "Network," William Friedkin's "Sorcerer," and "Handgun," the movie. Fugazi - "Greed": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiwXrnkgpEM Cold Brew Patreon: Patreon.com/chriscrofton Channel Nonfiction: Channelnonfiction.com Ca…

Elvis, The Memphis Mafia and Colonel Tom Parker. Tom Parker's ridiculous gambling style: "He didn't understand the basics, but it was his favorite thing to do." ALSO: Mashed potatoes, gravy, sauerkraut, crisp bacon and sliced tomatoes. PLUS: "The worst news I've ever heard in my life about anything." (re: spinning fish), Can Do Cold Brew and a song…

Stockton Rush's submersible honky-tonk. Confusing Stockton Rush with Stockard Channing. ALSO: Weaponized wigs, public housing and Trisha Yearwood. PLUS: The Humanzee! A song of the week from The Lovin' Spoonful! Can Do Cold Brew!! Lovin' Spoonful - "Darlin' Companion": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xcd6_cnMAkE Cold Brew Patreon: Patreon.com/chris…

Our mom got severely bitten by her own cat, soooo...US health care - portals, paying medical bills with JP Morgan gift cards. ALSO: Marketing myths about whiskey lead to tourists drowning in the Cumberland. Every bar should have their own ambulance. PLUS: 550 miles of formica, Can Do Cold Brew and PF Sloan!! Jimmy Webb - "PF Sloan": https://www.you…

Nashville's trajectory may be unstoppable, but it doesn't mean you gotta be happy about it. "Liberals" are dividing along property lines. ALSO: Brian Jones's acid-casualty beagle. PLUS: a fresh Brian-Jones-themed Can Do Cold Brew ad, and a song of the week from The Rolling Stones!!! The Rolling Stones - "No Expectations": https://www.youtube.com/wa…

James Hetfield's propane habit. Chris says liberals who buy political biographies have ruined thrift stores. ALSO: Conservatives are excited about AI because they are incapable of writing good scripts. Vince Neil's horses. The new Can Do Cold Brew ad!! PLUS: RIP Dex Romweber. Song of the week from Flat Duo Jets!!! Flat Duo Jets - "Crazy Hazy Kisses…

Rich people, ducks and berries. The garbage cans of Madison, Tennessee. ALSO: Hanging antlers on the walls of vacant office space, and calling it a boutique hotel. PLUS: Doc Noss, and the Victorio Peak treasure!! A Doc Noss-themed Can Do Cold Brew ad!! Song of the week from Kenny Rogers!! Kenny Rogers - "Daytime Friends": https://youtu.be/jH5M12DKA…

Dad fights dirty! Irish farmers in therapy!.Greg explains bitcoin! ALSO: Dream-interpreting a motorcycle. PLUS: A couple sketchy edits, and a song of the week from Weedeater! Weedeater - "God Luck and Good Speed": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fz8VhXyYCgM Cold Brew Patreon: Patreon.com/chriscrofton Channel Nonfiction: Channelnonfiction.com Can Do…

Chris demonizes climbing walls, again. Stockton Rush's coffee cup. Greg Abbott's dishonest border war. ALSO: Throwing Elvis impersonators at a problem. The Kardashians are Wild West mummies. PLUS: Greg hopes he doesn't end up a mummy in a funhouse! Can Do Cold Brew! Song of the week from Leslie Stevens!! Leslie Stevens - "Big Time, Sucka": https://…

It's true. Chris broke his scapula during Nashville's "blizzard." The hospital offers a glimpse of the lost middle class. ALSO: Chris's greatest hospitalizations! Cat Scan machines are overpriced toaster ovens. PLUS: Can Do Cold Brew, corporate mergers and a song of the week from Eric Bachmann!! Eric Bachmann - "Heavy Hours": https://www.youtube.co…

Chris has an existential crisis, Greg's audio is f*cked - and it's still a good show!!! ALSO: A great idea for converting an abandoned car wash into a coffee shop, Can Do Cold Brew bringing back vaudeville and the new Advice King!!! PLUS: The new Nashville Confidential, and a song of the week from Alabama!!!! Alabama - "Mountain Music": https://www…

Improv: the laziest way to try to get famous. Tap Dancing vs Grunge. ALSO: Private equity should be illegal. The whole financial industry should be illegal, in fact. The best Can Do Cold Brew ad ever. PLUS: A song of the week from The Strokes!! The Strokes - "OBLIVIUS": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEjdwhVuW74 Cold Brew Patreon: Patreon.com/chri…

"Iron Claw" sucked. Japanese scientists computer-modeled the call of the Moa (in like, 1980) and played it through a loudspeaker in a New Zealand swamp - to little effect. ALSO: Rogue waves, the guys who threw pies at Bill Gates and Bird scooters repurposed as police batons. PLUS: Chris previews the next Nashville Confidential and a song of the wee…

Some guy put a coffee roaster in his gym. Van Gogh got tweaked on coffee. Where did Van Gogh get all the paint? ALSO: William Friedkin vs Al Pacino. Mortgage companies are where 48 Hours episodes are born. PLUS: A new Advice King!! A new Can Do Cold Brew ad!! Song(s) of the week from Jonathan Richman, Hayden and Flyte!!! Jonathan Richman - "Vincent…

Dystopian job listings. A podcast hosted by garbagemen called "The Dump." ALSO: The horror of Moms for Liberty, and a little ditty about seasonal depression. PLUS: An epic Can do Cold Brew ad, and a link to a video of Chris's recent Nashville show (below)!!! Chris Crofton live at Dee's in Nashville: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbjhQFDmF2M&t=381…

CUBEHEADS! The rodeo clown running Argentina. Corporate media talking about the "complicated legacies" of war criminals. Knowing so much you can't function, vs knowing so little that you play frisbee. ALSO: Harvard isn't for learning, it's for networking. The world's highest bouncing superball. PLUS: The myth of nuanced tasers, the new Advice King …

Rich people’s roof decks collapsing under the weight of their helicopters. Death may be a premature conclusion. Greg is stockpiling carbon paper. ALSO: Billionaires looking at each other and seeing cartoon turkey legs. Proto-libertarians mad about newspaper stands. PLUS: Chris's NPR feature, The Advice King, The Galapagos Affair, I Called Him Morga…

Yeti coolers' marketing team successfully hypnotized the 1%. Elon Musk is TRULY, objectively dumb - case closed. ALSO: Trump did NOT pay back those loans. The new Neil Hamburger album is out!!! PLUS: The new Can Do Cold Brew ad and a bonus song of the week from The Lemonheads (the first is "The March" from Neil Hamburger). Neil Hamburger - "The Mar…

Chris says "I don't remember what I used to talk about on these shows." Greg wants to steal all the cars at the airport. Chris says beware of overly energetic people. ALSO: The latest Advice King, Chris's new NPR show Nashville Confidential (link below), and Jared Leto's horrible new song. PLUS: Song of the week (a Bob Dylan cover) from Richie Have…

Aliens will snatch the earth. Self-driving cars will become sentient and run society. ALSO: Chris's Wealth Hoarding Corner™ PLUS: Dar Robinson supervises a Knoxville furniture salesman's fire walk, and the song of the week from Deodato!!!! Deodato - "Also Sprach Zarathustra": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJKsp9_L24Q Patreon: Patreon.com/chriscro…

Autozone is a sorry excuse for a community center. People marveling at instances when the ultra-wealthy are "nice." Kevin Costner thinks he IS his character from Yellowstone. ALSO: Sherpas, Robert Irwin: "A Desert of Pure Feeling." PLUS: Nashville Confidential's WPLN debut (link below!) and a song of the week by The National!!! The National - "Horn…

Chris is solo again this week. He wants to start a cold yoga business. The bourgeois are already lounging in ice baths, so why wouldn't they lay down a yoga mat in a walk-in freezer? ALSO: The Neil Hamburger tour, an Advice King column and the latest Can Do Cold Brew commercial. PLUS: A song of the week from Cinerama!!! Cinerama - "You Turn Me On":…

Greg's out of town, so Chris is all alone!!! The police are quiet quitting. Greg Gutfeld thinks it's time for a civil war because of shoplifting. Chris thinks those two things are connected. ALSO: Neil Hamburger!!! PLUS: A song of the week from Nick Lowe!!!! Nick Lowe - "Time Wounds All Heels": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=998fP8wMHus Patreon: P…

Cold Brew Got Me Like™ is big in Thailand??? The Nina, The Pinta and the Santa Maria. ALSO: Americans should spend more time thinking about birds. PLUS: Ayn Rand, again! Song of the Week "Ambulance Driver," by Superdrag!!! Superdrag - "Ambulance Driver": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GiAQPvXxuxQ Patreon: Patreon.com/chriscrofton Channel Nonfictio…

The CEO of Blackrock doesn't know why everyone is in a bad mood. His name is Larry Fink - for real. He manages 9 trillion dollars. Back in the day, the townspeople would have violently dismantled his stagecoach. ALSO: Anthony Blinken plays the blues. PLUS: Chris's upcoming tour with Neil Hamburger and a song of the week from Leslie Stevens!!!! Lesl…

B-12 bombers full of schnapps. When your dad's job is scaring people in one of those haunted houses. ALSO: A ridiculously complimentary New Yorker article about anti-art sociopath David Zaslav. PLUS: Tina Fey in a dramatic role, life extension technology involving a pair of white shorts and a song of the week by The Replacements!!! The Replacements…

Old-west cosplay is NOT harmless. The Urban Cowboy is back, and he's a Republican UFC fighter driving a Dodge Ram with tinted windows. ALSO: Kevin Costner drives producer Don Was insane, and Jann Wenner tricks Chris into buying a Robbie Robbertson solo album. PLUS: The new Can Do Cold Brew Ad, and a somg of the week from Squeeze!!! Squeeze - "In Qu…

Ayn Rand brags that her worldview was set in stone when she was two years old. She was passionate about burning oil. Vivek Ramaswamy is Ayn Rand with a rockabilly hairstyle. ALSO: Christopher Nolan is a climate criminal. Greg's wellness routine is acupuncture and Mike and Ikes. ALSO: Ross Perot, Elvis Presley was JFK's emergency room doctor and Son…

Rich people consider CLOSED signs an affront. Jack Gyllenhaal gets health advice from Gunther, his pony-tailed deck builder. ALSO: Hungover legislators vetoing stuff just so they can get back to their house faster. AJ Weberman was Bob Dylan's dominatrix. PLUS: The new Can Do Cold Brew ad, and song(s) of the week from the late, great Jimmy Buffett!!…

The greased watermelon, the "tetra-headed monster," and student loan forgiveness. ALSO: Rahm Emanuel, throwing away all your mail and deranged YMCA sleepovers!! PLUS: Chris is doing a tour in October with Neil Hamburger!! A new Can Do Cold Brew ad and a song of the week from "Justin and the Cosmics"!!! Justin and the Cosmics - "Are All My Friends G…

Greg went to Germany! He tells us about the condiments! One of the candidates for mayor of Nashville has close ties to the Proud Boys. She made the runoff. Every kind person needs to vote. ALSO: Mom tells the drummer for The National about her car seat being broken. PLUS: The VERY GOOD new Can Do Cold Brew advertisement!! Annd...song of the week fr…

Chris gives the final update on his run for Nashville City Council!!! Thank you all so much!!! A Can Do Cold Brew ad!!! A song of the week from Enigma!!! Enigma - "Return to Innocence": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rk_sAHh9s08 Patreon: Patreon.com/ChrisCrofton Channel Nonfiction: Channelnonfiction.com Can Do Cold Brew: Candocoldbrew.com…

People are not moving to Tennessee, Texas and Florida for "freedom." They are moving there to avoid taxes. "Rich people like bike racks." -Greg "Rich people care about two things: tax avoidance and life extension." -Chris ALSO: The Shawshank Redemption contains all the secrets of white culture. Metal detectorists finding Civil War soldiers' beards.…

When there's no more gas, Dodge Rams will just be ominous-looking lawn furniture. Miltarized police, obligations to shareholders, Marjorie Taylor Greene and the importance of voting in local elections. ALSO: The new Nashville racetrack looks like a huge Bed Bath & Beyond. The fast lane of of the current track will be the new track's VIP section. PL…

A dystopian technique for replacing a roof in one day. America's addiction to excitement. ALSO: Student loan forgiveness?? Calling vacation days "PTO." The new Can Do Cold Brew Ad. PLUS: An update on Chris's campaign, new info on the doomed submersible and a song of the week from Radio Shack occultist Mort Garson!! Mort Garson - "Tarot": https://ww…

Chris and Greg have written an A24 movie called "Dish Pit." Every role will be played by Adam Driver. To say that Licorice Pizza sucked, A24 employees had whisper to each other in a parking garage like Watergate informants. ALSO: "Coffee Church" - Chris's plan for community "kindness klatches." An update on Chris's campaign! PLUS: Greg's acupunctur…

New Nashville: Where the bulidings play!™ The Supreme Court has been compromised - stop letting it decide stuff. ALSO: The wealthy love roof decks because they can't see the poverty as well from up there. An update on Chris's campaign for Nashville City Council! The new Can Do Cold Brew Ad! PLUS: The earth is about to fall off its axis. Song of the…

BREAKING: It turns out that the guy who made it impossible for student loans to be forgiven had a weird, very personal grudge against students. The diabolical billionaire-big brother/big sister program for Supreme Court justices. ALSO: Libertarians derugulated a submarine to the point where it killed them. PLUS: The latest Can Do Cold Brew ad, and …