Jessie Jolles and Chris Burns aka Fat Carrie Bradshaw didn’t ask to be born as middle children, who would? Born into a life of being desperate for attention, the dynamic duo known mostly for developing a sense of humor as a defense mechanism brings you a show about their favorite thing, themselves. Talking through their endless embarrassing stories, the many famous middle children of the world, and interviewing guests from the oldest of the family, the youngest of the family and everything i ...
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Between A Perfect Skin Routine and a Traumatizing College Experience
47:16
47:16
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47:16
Chris breaks down his iconic skin routine and gives an update on the new puppy's health. Jessie is scared to remember her college experiences.By Jessie Jolles
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Between The Only One On Drugs and Spooky Adventures
49:09
49:09
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49:09
Chris is trying to get to the bottom of whether or not he's been going out slutty. Jessie is looking to have some spooky fun this autumn looking for some extra pumpkins and haunted houses.By Jessie Jolles
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Between Dying Alone In An Old Folks Home and Loitering At The Coffee Shop
1:00:50
1:00:50
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1:00:50
Chris and Jessie are dismayed by the way society treats the elderly, but not upset enough to avoid fighting over the age old question "can you loiter in a coffee shop without buying anything?"By Jessie Jolles
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Between Text Messages That Shouldn't Be Sent and Hershey Pennsylvania
57:33
57:33
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57:33
Jessie tries to get things going with an old hookup buddy only to find that the communication has gotten much, much worse. Despite watching a full documentary on roller coaster deaths, Chris still wants to go to an amusement park. Improv also returns as the summer wains down .By Jessie Jolles
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Between Dungeons and Dragons and A Life On The High Seas
48:22
48:22
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48:22
Chris and Jessie break down the Blake Lively drama, discuss how fun being a server on a yacht would be, and make an attempt at some summer improv.By Jessie Jolles
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Between Powderpuff Football and Kathy Bates From "Misery"
1:03:37
1:03:37
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1:03:37
The Olympics is getting Jessie in her feels, longing to return to sports and renew her athletic career. Chris feels like the summer has been chaotic and forcing him to give Kathy Bates in "Misery" energy.By Jessie Jolles
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Between Frightening Neck Trauma and Fat Guy Sports
1:09:18
1:09:18
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1:09:18
Jessie is having a tough time with rehabbing her neck injury but is hoping talking it will loosen her up. Chris loves sports with no stakes played at bars. The one thing they can both agree on, psychic mediums should not be negative.By Jessie Jolles
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Between Everyone's Inside Bits and Who Let The Dogs Out
43:56
43:56
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43:56
On a very special public release of the Patreon high episode, Chris and Jessie chop it up over everyone's favorite inside jokes and public bits. Asking for a sweater in the summer because you're pretending you're freezing? Hilarious, always. To hear all the high episodes, head to https://www.patreon.com/middlechildren…
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Between Navigating A Polyamorous Jungle and A Fapping Wacker
1:11:53
1:11:53
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1:11:53
Jessie is on one today as she attempts to navigate the NYC dating jungle filled with polyamorous snakes. Chris just wants to find a cup of coffee in this damn city for less than 11 dollars. After a few false starts, they get to a summer Hallmark with a lot of kissing in a woodshed.By Jessie Jolles
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Between Hospitals With Fish Tanks and High Octane Sexting
49:25
49:25
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49:25
Chris is questioning his own sexual repression and trying to be less judgmental of himself. Jessie just wants all the hospitals in the world to be prettier and have fish tanks maintained by nurses.By Jessie Jolles
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Between Straight Men With Cat Photos In Instagram And Celebrated Muckbangs
58:28
58:28
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58:28
Jessie needs a ruling on a new guy that may end up just being a very good karaoke buddy. Chris needs clarity on whether a binge is a muckbang. They also attempt to do a summer Hallmark but quickly abort because summer is all about having fun.By Jessie Jolles
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Between Never Talking About That Guy Again and The Tragedy of Being A Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader
58:04
58:04
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58:04
Chris has had it with this conversation about that guy who Jessie thought hit on him that one. He never wants to talk about it again. Jessie is wondering why the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders don't get treated better.By Jessie Jolles
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Between Handstands In The Pool and Getting High In Disney World
1:01:36
1:01:36
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1:01:36
Chris is just looking for a hot guy with a big pool this summer. Jessie is pondering a brief trip to Disney World with an option to become a Disney adult.By Jessie Jolles
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Between Warm Chris Goo and Adventures on Horseback
1:01:47
1:01:47
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Jessie is collecting sea shells to make crafts and jewelry. Chris is thinking about going horseback riding but isn't sure if it's safe. Later they do an extremely dramatic, extremely serious, and extremely suspenseful Hallmark.By Jessie Jolles
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Between Easy Breezy Summer Fun and Beetle Juice Themed Restaurants
48:05
48:05
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48:05
Jessie tells the tale of a sexy whirlwind summer date and polls the room on the right way to initiate a second date while Chris is cruising at the Beetlejuice themed bar.By Jessie Jolles and Chris Burns
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Between Hollywood Starlets & Old Navy Air Conditioning
53:42
53:42
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53:42
With summer finally upon us, Chris is trying his hardest to hide the sweat stains from all over his body. Jessie is living for the summer and looking for a friends with benefits in all the wrong places. Podcast roulette is back. Happy Memorial Day.By Jessie Jolles and Chris Burns
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Between Not So fun Hookups and Having No Clothes For The Summer
1:03:58
1:03:58
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1:03:58
Jessie made it to the studio after a not so great one night stand. Chris is dreading going out in the heat with summer right around the corner. Later, the QVC segment returns to sell you some beautiful things that you don't need.By Jessie Jolles and Chris Burns
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Between Yelling At The Cool Kids and Two Convicts With A Podcast
1:08:19
1:08:19
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1:08:19
Chris thinks the next generation is too coddled to ever be funny. Jessie thinks Katherine Heigl got a bad rap. We've also got a new improv segment from the world podcasting that is guaranteed to make you subscribe to the Middle Children Patreon.By Jessie Jolles and Chris Burns
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Between The Depths Of The Ocean and Defending Your Life
53:08
53:08
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53:08
On this very special sneak peek behind the Patreon Paywall, Chris and Jessie present to you a "High Episode". With topics ranging from what is going on at the bottom of the ocean, where Chris and Jessie want to be buried, and why Bears hibernate, you will have no doubt that these two are very high. Whoa, man.…
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Between Unreliable Wifi and The Truth About Grill Masters
53:16
53:16
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53:16
Jessie can't figure out why her wifi isn't working. Chris wants to know why every straight man thinks he's a master on the grille.By Jessie Jolles and Chris Burns
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Between Dentists With Personalities and Cruela Deville
1:05:38
1:05:38
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1:05:38
Jessie is trying to live more like that monkey from "The Lion King". Chris does not want to be approached by people barking on the streets of New York City. Also in this episode, improv from around the world!By Jessie Jolles and Chris Burns
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Between Jojo Siwa Spitting Game and Playing With Makeup
55:05
55:05
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55:05
After a 24 hour stomach virus, Chris returns to ponder with Jessie whether or not either of them are good at playing the game in their dating lives. Jessie thinks she could make a ton of money as a stripper for men who like their women funny.By Jessie Jolles and Chris Burns
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A Middle Children UpdateBy Jessie Jolles and Chris Burns
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Between Some Kind of Farm Situation and The Fierce Women of The X-Men
55:20
55:20
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55:20
Jessie is finally taking song writing classes to get back her creative juice. Chris would love a world where we all get more appetizers. This episode features a fabulous new roast and toast of this audience's favorite subject, super heroes. Get tickets to our next virtual event- The Wedding Of Jessie Jolles, below! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/8562…
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Between Snakes In The Garden of Eden and Wedding Flash Mobs
1:01:11
1:01:11
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Chris is in his slut phase and back from an eventful trip to LA. Jessie is in her artist phase and writing again. This week C and J have weddings on the mind and get into some improv about the big day. Get tickets to our next Livestream, "The Wedding of Jessie Jolles" below! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/856249975727?aff=oddtdtcreator…
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Chris tells the crooked tale of his latest, scandal filled, dating saga with an ending that may SHOCK you. Ticket link for our next live stream show "The Wedding of Jessie Jolles", below! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/between-something-borrowed-and-something-blue-the-wedding-of-jessie-jolles-tickets-856249975727?aff=oddtdtcreator…
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Between Building Forts With The Man of Your Dreams and A Giant Box of Fortune Cookies
1:01:28
1:01:28
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Jessie has had a busy week of hitting the club and building forts. Chris is not new to wild nights and doesn't think Jessie could keep up with him. This week features a wild QVC segment for the ages with prices on items that just can't be beat! Get Your Tickets Now For Our March Live Stream- The Wedding of Jessie Jolles! https://www.eventbrite.com/…
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Between A Flawless American Fitness Test and A Well Funded Artist Collective
1:17:48
1:17:48
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1:17:48
Chris is grateful for American Idol for all the amazing talent they've brought the world. Jessie just wants to fund her dream art collective for all the artists in world. We also roll out a brand new Hallmark about.....well, we don't really know, but it's fun.By Jessie Jolles and Chris Burns
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Between A Delicious Buttercream Cake and High Powered Hotellier In Love
1:19:38
1:19:38
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Chris is in his cake baking era and Jessie is over award shows. Luckily today's Hallmark features a love story for the ages about a high powered hotellier finding love when they least expect it.By Jessie Jolles and Chris Burns
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Between Stigmatizing Mental Health and Getting Free Sexy Massages
58:56
58:56
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58:56
Chris would love to move out of the heathen hell hole that is New York City but if he can't get a boyfriend here, where would he go? Jessie is back on the apps and feeling frisky....for free erotic massages. If you like being sold things you don't need, great news, the iconic QVC segment is back and better than ever. Get a ticket for the Sunday Val…
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Between Being Stuck In Traffic With Sciatica And First Dates At Orange Theory
55:55
55:55
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55:55
Chris thinks people who go on first dates to workout classes are out of their minds. Jessie can't sit in traffic while driving because her Sciatica is killing her! This and other musings. Get tickets for the Valentine's Day Brunch Livestream Here! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/between-red-roses-and-eating-chocolates-alone-a-middle-children-valentine…
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Between Falling Out of a Hammock and Snow Shoveling Dyslexia
51:21
51:21
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51:21
Chris and Jessie debate the merits of trying to be sexy in a hammock, pretending to be dyslexic to get out of shoveling and more.By Jessie Jolles and Chris Burns
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Between No Carb Diets and 2024 Bingo Boards
1:05:55
1:05:55
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1:05:55
After a long break for the holidays, Chris and Jessie are back to kick off their 2024 with positivity (kind of) and a slew of New Years Resolutions.By Jessie Jolles and Chris Burns
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Between Giving Away Furniture and Cuddling With Bad Intentions
1:04:49
1:04:49
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1:04:49
It's the last Middle Children of 2023. Jessie ponders whether or not men can cuddle for a night without wanting sex. Chris takes solace in the fact that if he puts some furniture out on the street, it's not wasteful because someone is always gonna take it. The final Hallmark of the year features a high powered crude energy attorney looking for a ho…
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Between Hitting It Off With A Stranger and Delicious, Edible, Essential Oils
57:29
57:29
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57:29
Jessie is convinced that Chris will hit it off romantically with a friend of hers that she seems to know very little about. Chris is skeptical because it's not common that he really likes anybody any way. With the holidays coming up, we've also got you covered for gifts with another edition of the new fan favorite QVC segment.…
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Between Not Needing A Man At All and Selling Milkshake Machines
1:09:52
1:09:52
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1:09:52
Chris profoundly declares that he'd rather Netflix and NOT chill. Jessie, on the other hand, loves an ice cream date. We unveil a new segment where Chris and Jessie can sell you ANYTHING and of course we close the show out with a look inside the world of daytime television and a whole lot of vodka.By Jessie Jolles and Chris Burns
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Between a Room Full of Organized Chaos and A Rant About E.L. Fudge Cookies
1:19:06
1:19:06
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1:19:06
Jessie and Chris try to get on the same page about their dream houses but run into some difficulty landing on a shared aesthetic. Chris cannot contain his strong feelings about the new and def not improved E.L. Fudge cookies but Jessie is in love with a soft and chewy sugar cookie. We wrap up this week's show with a Hallmark featuring a high powere…
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Between Hundred Dollar Doll Houses and Open Toed Shoes In NYC
57:28
57:28
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57:28
Chris is binging horror shows to get in the spirt of Halloween. Jessie is in her building miniature houses phase and no one can stop her. In place of a Hallmark, we unveil our first ever test run of the "Roast and Toast" segment focusing on the footwear of summer in New York City. Prepare yourself, because it for sure, is a test run. Buy tickets NO…
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Between People Secretly Hiding In Your House and The Invention Of Pumpkin Spice
1:20:22
1:20:22
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1:20:22
Chris has been revisiting too much Tyra Banks content and realizing just how problematic she was. Jessie is getting to know her neighbors and trying to not let the fear of a stranger unknowingly living in her house ruin her vibe. Later we present an autumnally classic 'Hallmark' featuring the inventors of pumpkin spice and a trip to the homeland wi…
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Between Too Many Dating Apps and Show Business
1:01:38
1:01:38
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1:01:38
Jessie is back on the dating apps and wants to know why everyone is ugly now but also, somehow not funny. Chris is fed up with showbiz, specifically Ryan Murphy and his obsession with putting hot people who can't act into his TV shows. All we know is we're doing a live stream for Halloween and the ticket link is below. Tickets For The Tri-Annual Mi…
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Between Ballet As A Hobby and Day Time TV Choirs
58:29
58:29
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58:29
With Halloween coming up, Jessie is a little worried about being possessed by demon. Chris doesn't think you can be considered a ballerina unless you've been paid to dance. Plus a very sexy Hallmark with a couple of choir stars and a little rough passion in a public bathroom. Tickets For The Tri-Annual Middle Children Halloween Live Stream--> https…
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Between Stealing Tuna And High Powered Private Detectives In Heels
1:12:14
1:12:14
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1:12:14
Chris and Jessie take a stroll down memory lane to relive the nightmare of some of their greatest food related embarrassments. Stolen tuna fish, weekends full of 15 doordash orders, and sneaking food out of the kitchen is just the beginning. Later we present a Hallmark straight from the 1940s with a couple of high powered private detectives in heel…
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Between Being 'She's All That'd' and Ranting and Raving
56:20
56:20
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56:20
Chris is tired of all the flirting that just goes nowhere. Jessie loves a good flirt and shows off her baller status by buying coffee for a hot 50 year old on the coffee line. Later, an aborted Hallmark leads to an epic Middle Children rant about housing that the world NEEDS TO HEAR.By Jessie Jolles and Chris Burns
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Between Male Therapists and Playing For Fun
1:04:35
1:04:35
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1:04:35
Chris has been riding a struggle bus on a freeway with no exits and is wondering when he can finally get off. Jessie wants to go to camp but doesn’t understand why all sports have to be played to win. We also feature a heartwarming hallmark featuring high powered toy executive decisions, an autumn in Vermont, and Ryan Reynolds chopping wood.…
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Between Living in Vans and Having An Existential Crisis
55:55
55:55
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55:55
Jessie’s visit to the home of a friend with two children lights the fuse for and epic existential crisis. Is any place on earth safe for children? Does community still exist in modern day America? Should Chris and Jessie start a cult? All these questions and more, answered in this week’s action packed episode.…
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Between The End of Movie Credits & Crushing Apples
1:04:06
1:04:06
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1:04:06
With the extinction of fun movie credit openings, Chris and Jessie discuss how they would start the movies they will be starring in. Jessie explains her plan to fix streaming, and Chris reveals his nit picks of “Schitts Creek”. Later we present to you a very jolly Hallmark filled with performers on the run in the little town within the town of Alba…
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Between Hating Hot Tubs and Re-marketing Milk
1:08:20
1:08:20
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1:08:20
Jessie gets ready to push out of her comfort zone as she prepares for her first ever pole dancing class. Chris loves the concept of sex, but he can’t figure out why people like baths or hot tubs. Later we dial things back and simmer down with a wholesome rural Hallmark where we set out to save a million trees and a couple of hot farmers who’s busin…
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Between Unlikely Movie Recs & Selling Swatches
1:14:00
1:14:00
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1:14:00
What can we really say about steakhouses that are also a speakeasy? Necessary? Not likely. Chris tells the tale of his secret steakhouse adventure and admits to being knee deep in a rewatch of the “Fast and The Furious” franchise while Jessie has a fun interaction at the coffee shop initiated by her fun breakfast jewelry. Later we dig into possibly…
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Jessie has a puffy eye, oh no! Chris is officially a Rumblehead, and we humble brag about working out. Does anyone actually like urgent care? We discuss dating app weirdness, Chris has been buying new furniture, new home = new him. We close with a gym vent including our opinions on short trainers. Big announcement coming soon!!! Episode 150 next! H…
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Between Being Financial Gurus & Hashing Out School Trauma
43:34
43:34
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43:34
We kick this one off with a rich bit. Do thin rich people really have it all? Once we get back into our own personalities Jessie let’s us in on her lonely weekend. Chris has been out of the city reconnecting with nature. We get into a fun conversation reminiscing about high school trauma. Would you like to be part of a heist? Chris went on a deep d…
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