The End. See you Space Cowboy... Find Statesmen HERE. Find Tim HERE. Find Stuart HERE. Find Anthony HERE. Find Camden HERE.

In the end, there can be only one. On this grand finale of Statesmen, we finally crown the BEST STATE IN AMERICA! Is it your state? Is it my state? Did we pull some bullshit and declare the winner as "the American STATE of Mind?" You'll have to listen to find out! As the show comes to a close, I find myself asking: Is this really the last episode? …

FLAWLESS VICTORY or STATELY FATALITY? Find out in this penultimate episode of Statesmen! We're joined by our first ever guest, and a fan favorite, Alli Stark! Who better to pose as an expert decider in the head-to-head matchups between states?! Who will win? Who will lose? Who will base a character solely on Hollywood facts and knowledge that will …

It's finally here. The book of Revelations foretold of this eons ago and many of us wished it wasn't true. This episode is the beginning of a thrilling three-part finale for The Statesmen Podcast! Don't be sad that it's over; be happy that you don't have to hear anymore horrific puns or Simpsons impressions. This week we finally take on the age-old…

Lots of bad news in the world these days, but there's one place where all the bad news on earth cannot reach us. That's at home, in front of a video call with other improvisers, showing each other stupid stuff to get giggles and snorts (the most important currency of all!) This week we return to the places we've been trapped inside of for the past …

This state is 99% corn and then a fabulous city where bears are cubs, the lake is an ocean, and Ferris Bueller danced in some sort of German pride parade? Wait a minute, he took a whole day off to enjoy Chicago and we have to do it in under two hours?! Uhm, CHECK PLEASE! This week the Statesmen are joined by Chicago native and podcast superstar Jac…

Like crawdads in a pot, we struggle over one and other to escape the broiling death below. Chitinous claws and furious tail swipes can only get you so far alone. We're all doomed as long as we continue to blame the other crustaceans in the boiling water for our failures, and not the bourgeoisie chefs themselves... Well THANK GOD we have a neck full…

YABBA DABBA DO y'all think this was a good idea? Probably not. Choosing this movie to represent Nevada was certainly some CAVEMAN thinking on our part. (We must have been STONED to think up of this one!) On the Sophmore outing of States on Screen we explore the ancient south west in Flintstones 2: Viva Rock Vegas! For the first S.O.S. guest we had …

[To the tune of Rodgers and Hammerstein] OOOOOOOOOOOOklahoma where the pod comes streaming to your ears! Where an awful pun, can be lots of fun, and the cringey jokes can bring your eyes to tears! This week we're joined by the first vegetarian in Chicago, David Tarantino! He spent some formative years in the Sooner State, and we'll need his OK expe…

It's the state that created the most astronauts in the United States, but it also has a hype level so low that it's practically underground. This week we explore the highs and lows of the Knuck If You Buck-eye State! We're joined by super online musician TYGKO to talk everything Cleveland, get a mouthful of Polish boys, and to swoon about the sweet…

Here's a question for you folks, what does IOWA actually stand for? International orb whipping association? Is that what these people call Baseball? Sure those players do "whip" an "orb" around a "diamond," but is that what Iowa folk say about the national pastime? Someone should look into this worrying rumor. Anyways, notch an arrow, pull back wit…

This week is the inaugural episode of a new and weird format for the Statesmen. Don't be scared by a podcast concept where white guys talk about old movies! INSANE! REVOLUTIONARY! BRAVE! Jokes aside, we had a lot of fun with this new format, and we're affectionately calling it: States on Screen! (or S.O.S. for short.) In this episode we'll examine …

When you're at altitude, feet planted on the summit of a mighty fourteener, it's easy to slip right back into the Rocky Mountain State of mind. So light up a legal blunt and enjoy the fresh air, baby, because we're back in the mutha flippin' SEE-OH. Join us for an adventure through the Centennial State with Denver native, Vinny Thomas! He'll help u…

Everything's bigger in Texas. Even the podcasts! That's why this episode is longer than usual. And I guess that's also why all of our other episodes are also too damn long. Texas has somehow retroactively embiggened the length of this podcast for the last three years... yeah... that's what it is. This week we have the wonderful podcaster and comedi…

Over two thousand years ago a humble carpenter was savagely nailed to a cross and now, in 2021, we remember his sacrifice by rating our segments out of 30 pieces of silver! How many silver coins do we receive? As many as the cursed Judas? You'll have to listen to find out! ;) Oh boy, this is a crazy episode. And not just because of the heretical st…

Tier 1? Tier 2? Well how about we tier you a new bum-hole from laughing too hard at this hilarious special episode?! (is this too crass? Maybe, but it's also crass to force service workers to attend their jobs indoors during a pandemic. So eat my little shorts, Lori Lightfoot.) This week we're joined by the FANTASTIC Chicago writer and comedian, Zo…

The state outline of Massachusetts sort of looks like a cartoon gun, which is good because you'll need all the firepower you can get to survive this THRILLING return to the state whose slogan declares, "By the sword we seek peace, but peace only under liberty." Now that's a threatening sentence to print on your 'Welcome to Massachusetts' signs. The…

There are a handful of states that are divided into North and South. The Carolinas, The Dakotas, and even Virginia has a western half. To be honest, sometimes it can even feel like the nation itself is a little divided as well. Maybe it's time to fully unify as a country, coming together to announce that, "We all agree on one thing. Middling comedy…

I know what you're thinking, "Isn't New York City kind of played out? The greatest city in the world? Yeah right! It's just rats, thin pizza, and the setting for You Don't Mess with the Zohan. Is there really more for me to learn?" YOU FOOLISH FOOL OF COURSE THERE IS! This week we're joined by Comedian and Robot Chicken writer Ellory Smith, who tea…

We've been too hungover from holiday partying out in public without masks on, so we're taking the week off! Enjoy reliving the horrific deep lore and confusing cannon of last year's Christmas special! --- Scrooge needs a stiff drink to enjoy this holiday season and the Statesmen boys are here to help! We time travel and unravel one of the greatest …

Spend your Christmas morning on the couch listening to your favorite podcast, while contemplating the empty spot in the home that you thought you might fill with a tree this year, but which you ultimately put off too long to actually buy. The holidays are full of Drama like that, so why not listen to this episode for a little comedy instead? For th…

The Mall of America has over 500 stores, and this episode has over 500 laughs! (although some of those stores/laughs have adjusted hours due to the pandemic.) This week we're joined by Minnesota native, and gaming savant, Tom Dyke! He'll be our guide to the frozen north as we cover the finer points of mac and cheese shapes, what it means to be a ch…

This episode is better than sliced bread! But I know that's not saying much... I promise, it's like so much better than sliced bread... This week we're joined by historically gay internet celebrity (he told us to say that) Caleb Hearon! He'll walk us through life growing up in a small Missouri town, and how it helped to shape the man he is today! (…

Winter is coming and you need a hefty coat to stave off that frigid ice witch when she inevitably knocks on your door. Better head to the place where coats are practically grown on trees... Burlington Vermont! (Burlington like the coat factory I guess? that's fucking hilarious!) This week we're joined by Podcaster, Comedian, and High Jumper, Shelby…

The Sopranos Finale cut to black and New Jersey culture let out perfect synchronized scream, "WOAH! WHAT'S THIS OVER HERE?" If only that finale could go on forever. Instead of one hour long, how about 2 hours long? How about longer than that?! WHO COULD EVER CREATE CONTENT THAT LONG?! (hint: it's us.) This week the Statesmen are joined by the New J…

Once every 10 years the powerful hex surrounding Mount Love is broken in twain, allowing the mountains inhabitant to visit us mortals. Now, for only the second time in Statesmen (and world) history, we've got a damn love expert on the show! It's officially cuffing season throughout The 50! This week the Love Master herself, Laura Maynard, returns t…

"Commonwealth?" the gruff old man questioned to the universe. "Sounds like socialism to me." He quipped, before putting on a dunce cap and making boom boom in his diaper. This week The Statesmen are joined by Pennsylvania native John DelViscio to finally return to the birthplace of American Freedom. Does the liberty bell smell like a bell pepper? W…

The Heart of America? Is it beating in the chests of our citizens, or found literally at the geographical center of our nations borders? Nope, it's behind the gleaming white pillars and air head politicians in the nation's capital, Washington D.C.! This week The Statesmen are joined by D.C. native, and comedy weirdo, Christopher Isaacson. Chris hel…

Happy Hyperpop Halloween my little Ghouls and Goblins! This year we celebrate the scariest holiday of all with musical artist, big time CEO, and child of the internet, Fraxiom! They help us create the scariest Haunted House attraction this side of Halloweentown using just the five senses and our terrible jokes as building materials! So keep your co…

Let’s go Surfin' now, everybody’s learnin' how, Please listen to Statesmen with me! That’s right folks, this week we’re going going, back back, to Cali Cali on our most exciting sequel episode yet! Joined by boho LA beach queen (and hilarious comedian) Grace Kuhlenschmidt, the boys tour the west coast... but is it really the best coast? Listen to f…

George Washington? He's just some stuffy old wig that adorns our quarters and dollars. If only some enterprising young trifecta would come along to redefine the name Washington for years to come... Well, good news numb nuts, we frickin did it! This week the boys head back to the pacific north west with Washington native Eric Rahill, to rediscover p…

The Devil went down to Georgia, he was looking for a soul to steal. He was in a bind, cause he was way behind, he was looking to make a deal... Luckily the boys are expert deal makers, and we sold our triptych of souls to the Devil himself, just to make this a fantastic episode! This week, The Statesmen are joined by comedian extraordinaire Alan F.…

Long. Wide. Stretched. This state is known for its impressive x-axis, but this week we're really getting into the "WHY" of Tennessee! The boys are joined by Tennessee-raised musicians and creatives, Jake Doan and Luke Deitz, who walk us through hometowns and hoedowns. So Tennessee two-step your little finger down to the play button and enjoy a LONG…

You flipping wish that was pancakes filling your nose holes. Hate to disappoint, but how could we when the Overland Parker Annie brought us a big heaping plate of flatter-than-a-pancake Kansas served to us like a juicy brisket covered in that good sauce? We couldn't! Grab a few napkins because just one ain't going to get the smile sauce off from yo…

Wait, haven't we been here before? To celebrate the NFL kicking off their 2020 season, we pull a bottle episode on you and reminisce on past Statesmen Football Highlights. So let's go back now, to a world before Covid... A long time ago, in a snowy, little, Upper Midwestern town... (This week, the boys are outside of their natural habitat, recordin…

It's always darkest just before the dawn... But with this Statesmen Dawn, the boys aren't acting particularly bright. Welcome to New Horizons! A brave new future is upon us and it includes brave new signed leases. The Statesmen have all moved into beautiful new, stately apartments and we want to share the sensory experience with each other, and you…

When an aging sea vessel has hoisted its final cargo, and sailed its last voyage, tradition states that a captain may read a final piece of prose before setting the ship ablaze, and letting it sink into an inky black resting place among the waves. When moving on from a podcast studio, it's tradition for the Statesmen boys to do the same: "So long, …

Get those apples out of this goddamn house because the doctor is IN! This week the Statesmen bring their salute series to a temporary close by celebrating the doctors, nurses, and other healthcare workers who keep this country's heart ticking like a well tuned clock! If you're in Chicago click HERE for opportunities to help change your community! I…

#FreeMohawk #NotAMonster Donate on Venmo: @ mohawkjohnson or @ free-mohawk Donate on Cash App: $mohavvk or $releasethebeanz Sign the petition: https://www.change.org/p/chicago-police-department-petition-to-free-mohawk-johnson Call BLM Chicago and ask for their help: (872) 395-8048By Statesmen Media

Every child's brain is like a fresh, unopened canister of Play-doh. When they arrive in school it's the teacher's job to grasp that gooey clay and form it into a productive and educated member of society. We here at Statesmen think that's a mighty fine job to be doing in these tough times, so we wanted to take an hour out of our day to stand at att…

It's mail time, which has nothing to do with the fact that this podcast is usually just guys talking. We tugged the Postal Service over to the appreciation station to give the workers our stamp of big thank you - the states would be nothing without our Great Sender. If you're in Chicago click HERE for opportunities to help change your community! If…

It all comes down to this! Four Finalists meet now on the rim of a cosmic volcano. Waging a war betwixt themselves, the result of which could change the world forever. The Freaky Four have been chosen and special guest Nick Castellanos will help us pick a winner in this Part 3 Grand Finale of the Cryptid Showdown! If you're in Chicago click HERE fo…

The Statesmen are Back with Part 2 of the Cryptid Showdown! This week we find winners in the Western bracket. To help sort through the monstrous mess, returning guest Nick Castellanos joins the boys to discuss more creepy crytipds from the 50 states! If you're in Chicago click HERE for opportunities to help change your community! If you're outside …

Déjà Vu? How about Déjà BOO?!?! While we're still working our way through our hiatus and figuring out our next moves we thought it was time to dig into the vault and release all of the episodes that were recorded at the beginning of the summer. And so we start here: The Cryptid Showdown! An informative and bone chilling look at the mythical monster…

Support Mohawk Johnson: https://mohawkjohnson.bandcamp.com https://twitter.com/MOHAVVKJOHNSON https://instagram.com/mohavvkjohnson Support TYGKO: https://tygko.bandcamp.com https://twitter.com/TYG_KO https://instagram.com/tygkoBy Statesmen Media

As another week passes we here at The Statesmen urge you to keep fighting for change! Color of Change can be found HERE Brave Space Alliance can be found HERE The Broadway Youth Center can be found HERE Check out Corie Anderson's short film on instagram @WakeMeUpShortFilm Contact Louisville mayor Greg Fischer at (502) 574-2003, contact Special Pros…

Another week passes and we continue to work towards change. The march is slow, but moves ever onward. Don't lose hope, don't lose energy, and don't stop letting your voice be heard! Resources Mentioned in Today's Episode: Petition and Linktree Justice on behalf of Andres Guardado Petition and Linktree for Justice on behalf of Elijah McClain Informa…

This is a sad episode, but a necessary one. We the Statesmen have realized that in this time of unrest and righteous anger in America, it is not right for us to be recording silly content and pretending that everything is okay out there. It isn't okay. We are going on a temporary hiatus and hope to return soon, when things feel right. Until then we…

Here's another short list of helpful resources where you can donate your time and funds: Assata's Daughters https://www.assatasdaughters.org/ The Audre Lorde Project https://alp.org/ Black Trans Protesters Emergency Fund https://twitter.com/BTFAcollective/status/1267853959378731023/photo/1 Homeless Black Trans Women's Fund https://www.gofundme.com/…

Here's a short list of helpful resources where you can donate your time and funds: The Black Lives Matter Global Network Color of Change The National Black Justice Coalition And The Black Visions Collective We also encourage you to donate to your state's bail fund to help wrongfully detained protestors at The National Bail Fund Network. We'll be ba…