Today marks a new day at a newer coffee shop. The past cafe has been recategorized to a social infirmary: a place where I can go with a mismatched outfit and some unexplained bruises, bedhead too. But this new place that I'm at, it's the fancier, more judgmental of the two. It runs on the very thin line between aesthetic and toxic, something that I…

Before the coffee s-h-o-p-p-e, I pit stopped at a cafe run by a man with more hair on his head than he had on his head and then after that I spent some time on the 8th floor of a luxury hotel. I’m getting more familiar with the coffee s-h-o-p-p-e. The manager there wears a lot of corduroy.A Toast To My Naivety is a 10-episode series about spending …

I stopped at a convenience store to get some cinnamon candies and a seltzer then ran into someone who I sort of knew. Also, I’ve been to the coffee s-h-o-p-p-e 8 times over the past couple weeks now… shouldn’t the man with the mule tail goatee know what my order is? Why can’t he let me be a regular yet?A Toast To My Naivety is a 10-episode series a…

A wet figure appeared and stirred things up a bit. I feel a bit foolish for not anticipating being lonely throughout this process. I also matched with someone on Tinder who has a tattoo of a rattlesnake on their stomach.A Toast To My Naivety is a 10-episode series about spending time at a coffee shop, working in retail, and an online date.Follow th…

A boy walked in with his mom and ordered a vegan sugar cookie today. I don’t think he knew it was vegan. The man with the mule tail goatee said something very cringe, I had to leave the s-h-o-p-p-e it was so bad. I went on a Tinder date with girl who had the tattoo of a rattlesnake on her stomach.A Toast To My Naivety is a 10-episode series about s…

I start my job hunt by getting stood up for a work interview. Later, I tuck into a Hot Topic, a Lids, and a massage therapy studio before walking into an H&M. A Toast To My Naivety is a 10-episode series about spending time at a coffee shop, working in retail, and an online date. Follow the podcast! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heresmything…

I share space with a couple of people while waiting for a job interview. One of them was heads-down playing some sort of video game, the other couldn’t open their locker. I wore khaki slacks to the interview. A Toast To My Naivety is a 10-episode series about spending time at a coffee shop, working in retail, and an online date. Follow the podcast!…

Before I got the job at “the place of possible, the place to be”, I worked at a company that let it’s employees bring their dogs into the office. A Toast To My Naivety is a 10-episode series about spending time at a coffee shop, working in retail, and an online date. Follow the podcast! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heresmything_/ Twitter: h…

I had my first shift at H&M. The girl with the tattoo of the rattlesnake on her stomach sent me a picture. A Toast To My Naivety is a 10-episode series about spending time at a coffee shop, working in retail, and an online date. Follow the podcast! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heresmything_/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/heresmything_ Follow…

I struggled to ring up a pair of pants. Then, right at the end of an important closing shift, some customers tore through each and every fedora, bomber jacket, cargo pant, and v-neck t-shirt that the men’s department held. A Toast To My Naivety is a 10-episode series about spending time at a coffee shop, working in retail, and an online date. Follo…

An episode about an Elkwood election, an orange velour jumpsuit, and a man named Declan. PODCAST UPDATE: I’m going to take a break from uploading podcast episodes until 2021 (I’m thinking February/March). I’ve been working on another project for the past year and I want to give it my full attention for the next two months, and in doing so let the p…

Hollywood might say that a cigarette after sex is the closest one can get to nirvana on earth. That when a metal bed frame, linen sheets, and rolled tobacco come together in a unique harmony, we are to use words like glamour, spelling it the o-u-r way. Follow the podcast! Instagram: instagram.com/heresmything_ Twitter: twitter.com/heresmything_ Fol…

The complex that is the buzz cut. How a neglect to shave and this type of hairstyle work so well together, I still don’t know. For this episode, I think out loud about it and shed light on the worst haircut I've ever gotten. In other news, the podcast got its 100th rating on Apple Podcasts last week - thank you for the love and support!!! Instagram…

This week’s episode is about autumn and is brought together by the following themes: climate change, me defending Joe Buck, a pumpkin spice piece, and I use the word “chafing” once. Enjoy! Follow the podcast! Instagram: instagram.com/heresmything_ Twitter: twitter.com/heresmything_ Follow me! Instagram: instagram.com/johnroussosss Twitter: twitter.…

They’ll tell you that not having sex is the best form of birth control, to which I disagree. Unequivocally, the best form of birth control is getting barbed wire tattooed around your arm (not in the cool way though, this one refers to the less tasteful way - the way that comes with permanent farmers tans and road rage). A story about a relationship…

This episode touches on creative blocks, being sad, unmotivated, and buying a plant. Enjoy! Follow the podcast! Instagram: instagram.com/heresmything_ Twitter: twitter.com/heresmything_ Follow me! Instagram: instagram.com/johnroussosss Twitter: twitter.com/johnroussosss

A story about an unusual couple. You might say the chances of Mariah Carey marrying a single pistachio are greater than these two working out. Follow the podcast! Instagram: instagram.com/heresmything_ Twitter: twitter.com/heresmything_ Follow me! Instagram: instagram.com/johnroussosss Twitter: twitter.com/johnroussosss…

Doing some reading from my diary this week. One of the entries isn’t actually an entry from my diary, but part of a satire piece I wrote titled, “A Vulnerable Diary Entry by Tucker Carlson”. These entries are from the past 9-months. Themes include, but aren't limited to pandemic dating, spilling beans on my bed, and springtime. Follow the podcast! …

Qualified Immunity seems to be a lot like that streaming service Quibi in that a lot of people are aware of it, but not many know what it is. I talk about its background, a Reuter’s study, and reference Eric McCormick (co-star of Will & Grace). Follow the podcast! www.instagram.com/heresmything_ https://twitter.com/heresmything_ Follow me! https://…

To those new to Elkwood, welcome! The Elkwood Forum had something for everyone. The keyword: had. This story is about a mall before and after the boom of online shopping and a college graduate coming home in a less than optimistic economy. Please excuse my terrible southern accent. Follow the podcast! www.instagram.com/heresmything_ https://twitter…

This week's installment talks about Steve Bannon and his history producing direct-to-DVD films, We Build The Wall, and I even read a haiku. I post the video to the monologues to my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYHJzsY1nzTjrwJ3oxSKH0w?view_as=subscriber ^there's pictures and videos for these and if you watch closely enough you c…

For this episode there is no current event piece, rather I overanalyze some of the nuances in moving home at 25 years old. Which, I suppose, is a current event piece in it’s own right. Enjoy! Follow the podcast! Instagram: @heresmything_ Twitter: @heresmything_ Follow me! Instagram: @johnroussosss Twitter: @johnroussosss…

Here's my piece on USPS and I remind you about that aunt that writes you once a year, the one who you more remember through her hard-to-read penmanship than actual looks. After that, I tell a story of 3 men, jacked men, who reunited when their gym reopened. The video for The Mail will be up tomorrow! Here’s the YouTube link: https://www.youtube.com…

This week's monologue is about The Washington Football Team name change. The name is temporary, but I like it as it is, I say they keep it. Then for the reading, it was laundry day, which means it was laundry day a couple of days prior. I talk about the lack of discipline in that regard, some of the traits my parents gifted me, chewing big red, and…

What’s going on in Portland? I give some tips for the untrained federal officers on mass demonstrations (in Portland though, not sure if my tips apply to other cities). This week's story is about the time (last week) when I got off at exit 666 and the first thing I saw was a Dutch Bros coffee hut. Follow the podcast! Instagram: @heresmything_ Twitt…

Florida set the record for daily COVID-19 cases, so Disney World opened. Then for chapter 2, we go to Elkwood for a story about the pandemic that they went through. Follow the podcast! Instagram: @heresmything_ Twitter: @heresmything_ Follow me! Instagram: @johnroussosss Twitter: @johnroussosss

This episode is a different format than most. It starts with a current events piece, the topic: K-Pop Stans, what are they? How strong are they? Then we get a brief synopsis of the reading, and we get into the reading which is about people pumping your gas, and a specific gas attendant who never really spoke, but all of a sudden, during the pandemi…

For this episode, I'm joined by my friend Nathan DeVaughn, also known as DeVoCustoms. He is an artist in Portland, OR who has had his work worn by CJ McCollum, Jusuf Nurkic, among other athletes. He came on the podcast to talk about his journey as an artist and experience as a black man in the United States. DeVoCustoms: https://www.instagram.com/d…

In 5th grade, my parents signed me up for cotillion. Here, hundreds of other 11-year olds and I learned the specific roles and disciplines of each utensil plate and glass. If I ever told my parents I enjoyed it, I can assure you that it was because I don’t like disappointing people. People would get denied because they came underdressed, I find a s…

It's been a few weeks and the normal social media climate seems to be creeping back in. Not barging in or even knocking on the door, but pulling into the driveway and shining its lights through the front window. #BlackLivesMatter @heresmything_ @johnroussosss

It’s an interesting complex, as being around so many people brings on a sense of pseudo normalcy, yet the main reason that we’ve come together in masses is to stand up against one the most normal things this country knows. This episode is about the 4th day of the police brutality protests in Portland, OR. #BlackLivesMatter Follow the podcast! Insta…

Karen can't help but say things "karenly". #BlackLivesMatter

A man wearing a Gucci t-shirt bumped into me at a street fair. He had a couple of burlap sacks of potatoes for pecs and a two locomotives that I guessed he called his legs.

Books coming in the mail at random unannounced. Not sure from who. It's mysterious, provokes a little paranoia. Also been sanitizing everything, and in doing so, getting my money's worth on Clorox wipes. Follow the podcast! Instagram: @heresmything_ Twitter: @heresmything_ Follow me! Instagram: @johnroussosss Twitter: @johnroussosss…

I’d be better off hoping to wake up in time to see dew on the strip of dead grass outside our house than to expect a rainy afternoon in San Diego. When it did in fact rain, people canceled their plans, cars stopped driving, it became a talking point. But it also ixnayed normal dietary protocol, someone didn’t have to get Bar-Mitzvah’d or turn 5-0 f…

An admiration, an envy for the lengthy frames of cross country runners and their community. And I've taken an appreciation to running through Portland neighborhoods on late Saturday mornings for a certain reason. Follow the podcast! Instagram: @heresmything_ Twitter: @heresmything_ Follow me! Instagram: @johnroussosss Twitter: @johnroussosss…

A priest, a student with a short attention span, and a test to a moral compass. Follow the podcast!Instagram: @heresmything_Twitter: @heresmything_Follow me!Instagram: @johnroussosssTwitter: @johnroussosss

A house isn't a home until you've been sick in it. This goes against the millennial desire of a semi-furnished studio apartment. One plant can't cure everything (maybe 2 or 3 or 4), other variables play into it. Comfort, space, family, love, posters. Been doing some live streams over on the Instagram account @heresmything_. Trivia, live readings, 1…

I was googling celebrities wearing fedoras when I found a photo of Barack Obama wearing one. Not the cool photo where he was smoking the joint. This photo is better put as ill-advised. The way he wore it reminded me of how you wear fedoras before going into a photo booth. I’d never force my opinion on him, but if he asked what I thought, I’d say, “…

Dealing with boredom during quarantine, being easily amused, anxious thoughts. Follow the podcast! Instagram: @heresmything_ Twitter: @heresmything_ Follow me! Instagram: @johnroussosss Twitter: @johnroussosss

The first half of this episode is about a bowl of strawberries my mom prepared for me when I was 9. The second half of this episode is about grocery shopping during the pandemic. Follow the podcast! Instagram: @heresmything_ Twitter: @heresmything_ Follow me! Instagram: @johnroussosss Twitter: @johnroussosss…

Love at The Court is brought full-circle! The thing about this story is that it takes place only as far back as a year and a half ago. So those close to me know that I haven’t dated anyone who looks like Dua Lipa. And if you follow me on social media you’re on the same page too because my feed would maybe be only portrait-mode photos of her. Or pho…

This episode is part 1 of a 2 part installment, Love at The Court. Part 1 sets the main stage: a food court. More than that, the general luncheon landscape from an old job downtown. There was an employee at a juice bar at the food court that looked like a Portland version of Dua Lipa, she gets introduced at the end of this episode.…