Our monthly podcast, INTIMATE JUDAISM, addresses intimacy and healthy sexuality in the context of Jewish family life. We raise conflicts and challenges and candidly offer solutions while remaining firmly within the bounds of Torah and Halacha.
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(57) Hugging with a shinui: Halachic leniency in times of distress
1:05:21
1:05:21
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According to Rav Yoni Rosensweig, founder of Maagalei Nefesh, an organization that confronts issues pertaining to mental health and halacha, “Jewish law is not meant to cause harm.” War, mental health concerns, and emotional and relational distress are factors that contribute to the need to seek leniencies in halachic practice in a way that reduces…
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(56) Inviting Single Religious Women to the Sexuality Conversation
1:09:00
1:09:00
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The discourse on marital intimacy and sexuality in Judaism has become a normative topic of conversation. Rabbanit Shayna Goldberg, an educator and spiritual advisor at Migdal Oz, a Midrasha of higher learning for young women in Gush Etzion, believes that conversations about desire, sex and sexuality are relevant for unmarried women as well, and not…
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(55) Loving Again After Loss: Dating and Remarriage After Widowhood
59:18
59:18
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Losing one’s spouse is one of life’s most difficult and painful experiences. The process of grieving includes feelings of loneliness, abandonment, and isolation. While grieving the loss of a spouse, one also mourns the loss of identity as a member of an intimate partnership and acceptance of a new identity as a widow/er. Well-intentioned friends an…
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The Sex Strike Controversy: An Intimate Judaism Live Conversation
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The infamous “Sex Strike” was recently spearheaded by influencer Adina Miles, AKA “Flatbush Girl,” in order to apply communal pressure to men and their rabbis to free Malky Berkowitz, who has been refused a get for four years. This initiative has created a great deal of outrage in Jewish Orthodox communities, and the “responsa” on social media plat…
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The Failure of Sexual Health Organizations to Condemn Sexual Violence (crossover episode with Orthodox Conundrum)
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After October 7th, Jews around the world have felt besieged by some erstwhile allies, as some have been silent in the face of rampant antisemitism, and others have openly supported Hamas and its genocidal goals. While there have been many who openly support Jews and Israel, the war in Gaza has also provided a moment of reckoning as we discovered so…
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(54) Sex Positive Premarital Kallah Instruction
56:29
56:29
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In many Orthodox communities, premarital sex education taught by Kallah teachers is limited to ensuring wedding night “success” and encouraging strict observance of Nidah laws in order to "guarantee" sexual satisfaction. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as they interview two Kallah instructors, Dr. Hadassah Fromson and Dr. Yosefa Wruble, w…
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(53) Navigating Sexual Desire Discrepancies with a Focus on the Emotional Relationship, with Dr. Laurie Watson
47:22
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47:22
In last month's episode, we discussed many of the physical, psychological and social factors that can contribute to sexual desire discrepancy in couples. This month, we are taking a deep dive in to the role of emotional intimacy, attachment styles and relational dynamics on desire. Joining us is expert Dr. Laurie Watson, sex therapist, author, and …
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(52) Why Doesn’t My Wife Want to Have Sex With Me?
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52:07
When there are desire discrepancies between couples, women are often identified as the partner with less sexual desire. Yet the experience of desire may be different for men and women, and the expectation that desire should be equally matched can create feelings of frustration and rejection. The right question may not be “Why doesn’t she want?” but…
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(51) Love in War: Strengthening Security and Connection Amidst Trauma and Threat
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42:44
As Jews in Israel and worldwide absorb the realities of the horrors of threat, murder and violation, it seems surreal to think or talk about intimacy. Yet, in the face of threat, the safety and security of a committed partnership can be a comforting resource. And in the confrontation with death, people sometimes seek the vitality and life affirming…
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Should We Sympathize with Sexual Offenders? (Special Episode)
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A podcast hosted by an Orthodox comedian recently featured a controversial interview with a child sex offender. In response, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum created a panel to discuss whether there are potential benefits to learning more about people who struggle with attraction to minors and do not offend, as well as those who do. (This episo…
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Ancient Love in Modern Times: Celebrating Love on Tu B'Av (BONUS EPISODE)
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The 15th of Av , also known as Tu B’Av, is a minor Jewish festival which in modern day Israel is celebrated as a holiday of romantic love, not unlike Valentine’s Day. In this mini bonus episode, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss the Mishnaic origins of this day, and compare ancient and modern day beliefs about love. To purchase I Am For …
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“Date 'Em 'Til You Hate 'Em”: A Visit with Netflix Star Aleeza Ben Shalom (BONUS EPISODE)
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Not since Yenta from Fiddler on the Roof has there been a matchmaker as famous as Aleeza Ben Shalom! Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum for a rollicking discussion with the colorful, engaging and entertaining host of “Jewish Matchmaking.”By Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn
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What happens to the sex life of couples during middle age? Does the familiarity of long-term marriage breed sexual boredom ? Does aging reduce sexual interest? What happens when intimacy is no longer mediated by nidah laws? Listen to Rabbi Scott interview Talli as she presents surprising research findings and insights that will dispel myths about s…
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(49) Sexual Compatibility, Condom Use, Defining Jewish Sex, and More
56:28
56:28
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In our annual Q&A episode, Talli and Scott answer many questions and discuss numerous issues dealing with Judaism and intimacy, including whether avoiding sex before marriage means a likelihood of being sexually incompatible with your spouse, how to proceed when you start off shomer negiah and then... you're not, finding porn on your husband's inte…
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(48) Is There a Modern Orthodox Shidduch Crisis?
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The shidduch crisis refers to the phenomenon in the Orthodox Jewish community whereby eligible single persons, especially women, have difficulty finding a suitable spouse. While there are definite differences between the way dating for marriage is approached and conducted in the Hasidic, Yeshivish and Modern Orthodox worlds, there are also some sim…
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(47) Unmarried and Dating in Midlife: Navigating Intimacy and Sexuality
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47:08
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Whether divorced, widowed or never married, seeking a new relationship is complex. While each individual has his or her own unique experiences and perspectives, being unpartnered in midlife usually represents mourning for having loved and lost, or not yet having experienced the joy of partnered intimacy. Added to this for Orthodox Jews, are conflic…
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(46) Want, Will, Should or Must: Is the Sex You Are Having Really Consensual?
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Numerous sources in our tradition demonstrate that sex in marriage must be mutual and consensual, and at no time can sex be forced or coerced. However, If a woman has been taught that she must do what her husband wants and she is responsible for protecting him from sin, she will fear the consequences of saying no. In this episode, Talli Rosenbaum a…
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(45) Navigating Relational and Sexual Intimacy During Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Postpartum Period
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Pregnancy and childbirth are profound events in the life of a couple. The physical, psychological and hormonal changes that occur to women during pregnancy and in the postpartum period can impact both partners and affect emotional and sexual intimacy. Couples must learn to adjust to a changed family system and a new identity as parents. Observant J…
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Infertility and pregnancy loss affects relationships: with self, God, partner, family, friends and community. In part 2 of this two part series, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss the general implications of infertility and pregnancy loss on these relationships and on marital intimacy and sexuality. Listen to Talli and Rabbi Scott discuss…
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(43) Infertility and Pregnancy Loss (Part One): A Conversation with Dr. Aimee Baron
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The liturgy we recite on Rosh Hashana includes references to fertility and childbirth. God remembers Sarah, Rachel and Chana by answerIng their prayers for a child. The poem “Hayom harat olam,” the ‘birth day’ of the world, evokes images of pregnancy. For individuals and couples struggling with infertility or pregnancy loss, this can be triggering,…
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(42) ‘The Surrendered Wife’ and Marital Intimacy: Hierarchal Power Dynamics Versus Equal and Mutual Partnership
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Last month, Orthodox Jewish journalist Avital Chizhik-Goldschmidt published an article in The Atlantic highlighting the popularity of Laura Doyle’s 2001 New York Times bestseller, ‘The Surrendered Wife,’ among Orthodox Jewish women. Doyle’s book provides a practical guide to marital bliss and harmony, suggesting that women stop being critical and d…
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(41) Mindfulness, Pleasure and Orgasm: The Jewish Pleasure Principle
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43:14
Judaism values sexuality in the framework of marriage, both for the purposes of procreation and for relational intimacy. But does Judaism sanction the enhancement of physical pleasure, or should it be minimized? Do the Sages relate to pleasure differently in men and women, and how aware were they regarding the female experience of desire, arousal a…
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(40) "Male and Female He Created Them": Trans, Non-Binary, and Orthodox Judaism
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According to Jewish sources, God created humans as distinctly male or distinctly female. The roles, obligations and privileges of each gender are clearly defined in our tradition. Yet, not everyone conforms to the gender assigned to them at birth and some individuals experience their gender as distinctly opposite. Can Orthodox individuals who ident…
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(39) Straight FOMO, Hymenal Myths, Vasectomy Envy, Fetishes, BDSM and Mad at God: Listening to our Listeners Q&A
54:01
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In this month’s episode, we turn the mike over to you, our listeners, and answer a handful of the many questions you have sent in on email, Facebook and Instagram messenger. Listen to Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn discuss what happens to queer women who don’t want to miss out on traditional marriage and sexual reproduction, when you are angr…
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(38) Reproductive Health and Halacha Part 2: Birth Control Methods
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58:26
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Reproductive health ensures that couples can lead satisfying sex lives, and make informed decisions regarding family planning. Decisions related to birth control methods are generally guided by various factors, including health, convenience, cost, preference, and sexual or other side effects. For most observant Jewish couples, these decisions are a…
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(37) Reproductive Health, Birth Control, and Jewish Law
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Reproductive health is relevant to all couples in their childbearing years. Family planning, fertility interventions, and the use of contraception are guided by values and Halachic considerations, and involve several other factors including financial concerns, personal and professional goals, desired family size, and relationship stability. Join Ra…
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(36) Out of the Closet Without Shame: Balancing Conflicting Identities of LGBTQ and Orthodoxy
59:15
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59:15
In past decades, being Orthodox and gay meant suffering in the closet, or choosing to live authentically at the expense of religion. Today, more LGBTQ individuals and couples wish to retain their religious identities while embracing their sexual orientation. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum in a moving interview with Rachel Weinstein, Shim…
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(35) Sex Positivity, Sexual Health, and Sexual Rights: Are These Jewish Values?
51:26
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The World Health Organization defines sexual health as fundamental to the overall health and well-being of individuals, couples and families, and considers sexual pleasure to be a basic human right. In Judaism, sexual pleasure is valued, but only in the context of marital sex, leaving many people in conflict between their sexual health and spiritua…
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(34) Men Are Pigs and Women Are Distractions: What Messages About Sex Are Taught in Yeshiva, Seminary, and College?
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During the month of Elul, hundreds of high school graduates flock to Israel for their gap year programs, yeshivot, and seminaries. This year offers experiences of high level learning, spiritual growth, increased maturity, new friendships, and fun. But many students experience confusion, particularly around their developing sexuality. The legendary …
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Whose Business is My Unorthodox Life, Anyway? (BONUS EPISODE)
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The Netflix reality show, My Unorthodox Life, has been the talk of much of the Orthodox world since it was released less than two weeks ago. It tells the story of Julia Haart, who first developed a shoe line, and quickly rose in the world of fashion. She now is the the CEO and co-owner of Elite World Group, the world’s largest modeling network. As …
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(33) Painful Sex and Vaginismus: It’s Not Your Fault
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44:22
Although quite common, painful intercourse is a topic that is rarely talked about. Couples who are unable to experience pain free intercourse, or are unable to consummate their marriage, may not know why this is happening or with whom to consult. Is this problem physical or psychological? How is it diagnosed and treated? In this episode, Rabbi Scot…
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(32) Lubricants, Vibrators, and Sex Toys for Marital Enhancement
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51:42
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Modesty, lack of information, and embarrassment are just some factors that inhibit observant couples from using products designed to enhance sexual intimacy. In this episode, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum host Beverly Damelin, who shares her expertise in the field of sexual enhancement products and explains how they can help improve the sexu…
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(31) Consent and Coercion: What Does Forced Marriage and Obligatory Sex Look Like in the Jewish Community?
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“Forced marriage" and coercive sex are terms that most believe have no relevance to Judaism. Nevertheless, in communities where marriages are typically arranged by parents and matchmakers, does the couple truly have the freedom to reject the match? And even in modern Orthodox circles, do young men and women sometimes feel pressured to marry when th…
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(30) Fantasy, Premarital Sex, Kink and More: An Intimate Judaism Q and A
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55:09
In Episode #30 of Intimate Judaism, Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn answer practical sex questions from listeners. Among the subjects covered are: Can a couple experience sexual pleasure when intercourse is medically inadvisable? Why must couples get the first time "over with" on the wedding night? (Or must they?) Is it permissible to masturba…
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Sexual intimacy provides the opportunity to express love with connection, pleasure, and satisfaction. Yet, for people who have experienced sexual assault, sexual violence, and abuse, intimacy can feel very unsafe. Being on guard, and sometimes checking out and dissociating, is what has allowed abuse victims to survive, and the idea of “relinquishin…
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(28) Tzniut: Modesty, Female Masturbation and the Media
45:33
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Orthodox girls and women are traditionally taught to dress modestly in order to avoid attracting the male gaze and to keep men from sinful thoughts or behaviors. These messages, according to Rabbanit Oriya Mevorach, an educator and doctoral student of Gender and Philosophy, objectify and sexualize women and girls, and are actually influenced by Wes…
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(27) “It Is Not Good for a Man to Be Alone”: Guiding Religious LGBTQ Jews
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33:51
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Harav Binyamin Lau, community leader, author, teacher, and former Rabbi of the Ramban Synagogue in Jerusalem, recently introduced a document providing guidance for members of the religious LGBTQ community and their families. This document is a collection of recommendations that, according to Rav Benny, “Do not permit prohibitions or prohibit things…
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(26) What is Tantra and is it Kosher? Enhancing Sexual Intimacy Using Ancient Eastern Philosophy and Techniques
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54:45
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Tantric sex originates from ancient Hinduism and revolves around sexual practices that focus on creating a deep, intimate connection. It is a meditative sexual practice that encourages people to focus on the connections between the mind, the body, and the soul. It is intended to lead to fulfilling sexual experiences and greater intimacy. Taoism is …
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Intimacy and sexual experiences are so closely connected with a person's sense of identity, and so seldom discussed in many religious communities, that they often are the source of tremendous feelings of guilt. When are these feelings misplaced and when do they serve a constructive purpose? How should a religious individual manage his experience of…
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(24) “Unorthodox” and Male Sexual Functioning Problems
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The Netflix series “Unorthodox” inspired two Intimate Judaism ZOOM panels on female and male sexuality respectively. But many listeners had further questions about sexual functioning in men -particularly with regard to "performance anxiety" - and asked us to discuss the topic in more detail. Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn in this bonus e…
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(23) Masculinity, Male Sexuality, & Judaism: Navigating Love, Lust, & Intimacy
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Men are sexually assertive, they constantly think about and want sex, and their masculinity is determined by the frequency of their sexual conquests and their performance. This stereotype is perpetuated by the media in Western culture. Jewish sources, on the other hand, acknowledge the power of the male sexual drive, but require men to direct this …
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(22) “Just Do What He Tells You to Do”: Take-Home Messages from the Unorthodox Panel (BONUS EPISODE)
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Intimate Judaism's recent ZOOM live panel (https://www.intimatejudaism.com/unorthodox-intimacy-and-authenticity-how-accurate-is-the-netflix-series-portrayal-of-chasidic-intimacy-episode-21/) aroused a great deal of interest and discussion. Many of our listeners wrote in describing their experiences, and in this bonus episode, Brooklyn trauma therap…
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(21) Unorthodox, Intimacy, and Authenticity: How Accurate is the Netflix Series' Portrayal of Chasidic Intimacy?
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The Netflix series “Unorthodox” portrays the journey of Esty, a young Satmar Chasidic woman who ultimately leaves her marriage and her community to live a secular life in Berlin. Her marital life with her husband, Yanky, and in particular, their dysfunctional sexual relationship, is fraught with conflict and unhealthy intervention of others. Moreov…
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(20) Love (and Sex) in the Time of Corona
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The Coronavirus has affected how we live, how we work, how we congregate and how we experience touch and intimacy. The world at large has had to renegotiate the common norms of social intimacy with distancing measures that are increasing daily. Meanwhile, couples are faced with a new reality: confinement at home, the need to keep children occupied …
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(19) Porn, Fantasy, and Compulsive Sexual Behavior: How Much is Too Much?
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Our sources teach us that lusting after our hearts is prohibited. Yet sexual curiosity, fantasy, and thinking about sex are part of the normative developmental process. Therefore, how do we determine how much is too much and what thoughts and behaviors are problematic? Is what may be “bad for your neshama” like viewing porn, necessarily bad for you…
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“Sex is not something you ‘have’ but rather an expression of an intimate and erotic energy that a couple mutually shares.” This quote, from the recently released book, I Am For My Beloved: A Guide to Enhanced Intimacy for Married Couples by co-authors Talli Rosenbaum and David Ribner, reflects the theme that a passionate marriage is about cultivati…
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Is sexual pleasure considered an important value in Judaism? What place does sex for pleasure have in a healthy marriage? Join Talli and Scott for a frank and open discussion about these and many other questions.By Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn
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(16) Outercourse, Wasting Seed, and Rabbis in the Bedroom
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By Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn
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(15) Teshuva as a Guide to Repairing our Intimate Relationships (BONUS EPISODE)
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During the month of Tishri, we engage in a process of Tshuva; self-reflection and repentance. Through prayer, we repair our relationships and connect with God, with ourselves, and with those we may have hurt. In this mini episode, join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as they discuss how the basic elements of the tshuva process can serve as a m…
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