When life gives you a toxic mother, what do you do? You listen, learn, and change your direction! I’m Phylis Mantelli, author of the book “UnMothered: Life With A Mom Who Couldn’t Love Me.” This podcast is a place for mentoring and encouragement as we navigate the complexities of toxic parent relationships. Join me as I share my journey and invite God-filled guests to discuss emotional healing, overcoming childhood trauma, and personal growth. Together, we'll explore new thoughts and pattern ...
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Arise Esther Host, Dawn Scott Damon, shares open conversations with "modern day Esthers" who have overcome obstacles, made leaps of bold faith, and stepped-up to be used of God in an Esther moment of courageous leadership.
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But It’s Your Family: When Should You Stop That Excuse? | Episode 75
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Part of breaking generational dysfunction is to stop allowing the excuse of, “But it’s your family.” When do we stick by family because it’s family, and when do we have to decide on something better? Over the years I’ve come to a realization that loving families show up and it’s a safe place, not a place that makes you more miserable when you are a…
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How Your Past Can Affect Your Emotional Eating With Christine Trimpe | Episode 74
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I had the pleasure to interview my good friend Christine Trimpe on the podcast today! She told her origin story of how this journey of being an author, speaker, and coach began. Her story starts with a mountain she wanted to climb but couldn’t because of her weight. From struggling with debilitating sleep patterns to a multitude of health issues, s…
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Overcoming Toxic Childhood Narratives That Shape Us | Episode 73
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Can the things that were said to you as a child create a negative narrative as you become an adult? When I was watching the show Bridgerton on Netflix, the plot of the series stood out to me. The son had always held a narrative over his head because of actions or words that were said to him when he was younger. There is no need to have held a spot …
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An Emotionally Immature Mom vs. A Narcissistic Mom; What Is The Difference? | Episode 72
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Over the past few years, I’ve been studying the different types of toxic moms. Imagine my surprise when I started studying about toxic parenting and realized my mom was emotionally immature AND narcissistic! I never knew what to expect from my mom from one day to the next. It was exhausting trying to figure it all out. It made so much sense, but al…
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Do Past Triggers Keep You Stuck From Moving Forward? | Episode 71
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One thing I’ve learned over the years is that you can self-sabotage by letting your triggers control you. Let’s talk about the everyday life habits that may keep you stuck negatively. Are you allowing your scared feelings to control you and prevent you from becoming the confident, strong woman you are meant to be? How can we find some ways to slowl…
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Most Downloaded Episode Series | Should You Heal The Toxic Relationship With Your Mom And/Or Siblings? | Episode 16
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How do we find the heart to heal those who have hurt us? We will explore what it means to forgive people who hurt you deeply. Do you need to forgive them? Should you? What does that look like? Let’s talk about this. I was asked in my private Facebook group of my Unmothered women, what to do when they are having a hard time wanting to heal a relatio…
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Most Downloaded Episode Series | Your Mother's Issues Are Your Mother's Issues | Episode 1
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As I was channel surfing I stopped on The Bachelorette. I never watch this show anymore, but of course, I was curious! I swear God wanted me to hear this, Gabby Windey was on a date and they were talking about family. His parents had been married forever and loved each other fiercely. She started telling him about her fractured relationship with he…
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Most Downloaded Episodes | How Can You Identify And Tolerate Having A Narcissistic Mom? | Episode 35
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Most women don’t even acknowledge that their mom is a narcissist or may be toxic. In order to start your healing journey, you have to NAME the pain that has been done to you in your childhood. And I want to note, I’m not giving out professional advice! Apart from being a certified coach, I am not a doctor or therapist, so please take this as my per…
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Most Downloaded Episodes | What Are Some Signs And Qualities Of A Narcissistic Mother Part 2
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Let’s dig into a deeper conversation about some signs and qualities that I’ve started to notice about people with narcissistic tendencies. A big question we must ask is, where it comes from (possibly) and what are some signs of things you yourself may be suffering from being around or living with a person who is narcissistic. Upon my reading and st…
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Most Downloaded Episodes | The Truth About Growing Up With Emotionally Immature Parents | Episode 31
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Hi peeps! We are taking July off and decided to re-publish our most downloaded episodes for you to listen to! We will be back in August with new episodes and don't forget to follow me over on Instagram to keep up. What was it like growing up in your home? In my home, I felt like I was constantly dealing with a teenager or even a child. While at the…
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Sharing About The Marks That Made Her : A Conversation with Dr. Michelle Bengtson | Episode 70
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Dr. Michelle Bengtson is an international speaker, a national and international media resource on mental health, and the bestselling, award-winning author of Hope Prevails, the Hope Prevails Bible Study, Today Is Going to Be a Good Day, Breaking Anxiety's Grip, and The Hem of His Garment. She is also the host of the award-winning podcast Your Hope-…
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Does Having A Diploma Make You Smarter Than An Uneducated Person? | Episode 69
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As we watch young adults graduate from high school and college, the question comes up again; does having a diploma make you smarter and more successful? Can you maneuver through the world without schooling? And can different types of education or life skills can help you thrive? I always have mixed feelings at this time of year. So many emotions ha…
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Stay At Home Moms vs. The Working Moms | Episode 68
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Given the passionate social media opinions about the Harrison Butker speech, I thought this would be a great conversation to have with you all, being that it is about motherhood. It’s the age-old debate: are we more fulfilled being a mother, or are our careers more important than staying at home? Let’s talk about the stay at home mom being the most…
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Being Strong Does Not Mean You Are Emotionally Healed | Episode 67
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Just because we are strong doesn’t mean we are healed. Do people think you have it all together because they perceive you as strong? How many times have people told you how strong you are or how normal you seem after they know about your hard childhood? We aren’t as strong as you think. We have had to be strong to survive. There is a difference. Wh…
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Do Your Past Traumas Affect Your Kids Growing Up? | Episode 66
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Even in the best of families, we have a tendency to put our opinions or traumas onto our children. We have patterns of behavior that can be instilled in them and when they grow up, they might recognize it’s not healthy, or they might end up with the same traumas themselves. How do we break this pattern off? I realized that I had unconsciously done …
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Feelings About Motherhood From A Mom Of 30+ Years | Episode 65
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Mothering is one of the most important and confusing jobs you will ever have! I have been watching a few women on Instagram who are either new mothers or pregnant with their first child. Having raised my girls, I feel for these women, and at the same time I just want to hug them and let them know “there is no perfect way” and “you will make mistake…
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Faith, Safety, And True Crime: A Conversation With Lori Morrison | Episode 64
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Lori Morrison is a committed advocate for strengthening physical, emotional, and spiritual safety in our churches. She's a former church staffer, and retired private investigator, as well as an author, podcaster, and speaker. She shares real stories at the intersection of faith and true crime to highlight actionable steps any of us can take in our …
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How To Recognize Red Flags When You’ve Grown Up In Trauma | Episode 63
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When you’ve grown up in trauma and have normalized some behaviors, you miss what is known as “red flag” in others. I’m giving full credit of this episode to Nate Postlethwait. because he talked about this on one of his posts and it got me thinking. One of the things we as women tend to do when we have grown up in trauma, is we think we know people …
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Are You The ‘Black Sheep’ Of The Family Or The Truth-Teller? | Episode 62
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How do you define the black sheep in the family? Has this label been placed on you because you don’t abide by the dysfunction in your family? There is a difference between being the troublemaker or the truth-teller. If you are just trying to survive in a highly abusive family situation, you learn to fight and stand on your own. Do you always make t…
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Diving Into The LINKED® Personality System With Linda Goldfarb | Episode 61
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I'm so excited to chat with Linda Goldfarb today on all things LINKED® Personality System! I became a LINKED® Personality Coach a couple of years ago, and I love this program. Whether sipping frothed coffee with friends, hiking with her hubby Sam, engaging in deep conversation with her children and grandchildren, or speaking truth with gentle boldn…
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How to Find Strength While Navigating Impossible Circumstances | Episode 60
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How can you keep your faith through impossible circumstances? I recently watched an award-winning movie and it got me thinking about how long I could keep my faith alive and trust that God could perform a miracle. I think of our circumstances in our time. We feel completely smothered in our pain or situation. Not being able to breathe or have hope.…
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Never Be Ashamed of Your Hard Story | Episode 59
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Looking back through the chapters of my first book, 'Unmothered,' it surprised me how honest I was in writing it! I poured my heart into it so others could see the truth of my challenging story, and I prayed it would inspire them to be honest about their own experiences. I've come to realize that the purpose of this book is to permit others to neve…
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Grace In The Hard Story: A Conversation with Sara Cormany | Episode 58
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Sara Cormany is a wife, mom, and follower of Jesus. A former speech educator and a storyteller at heart, Sara has long had a passion for helping others tell their stories---be it as a teacher, an editor, a writing coach, or a project manager in the publishing industry. She is an award-winning author and speaker whose days are traced by the grace of…
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Is Love Blind: Debunking The Myth of Blind Love | Episode 57
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If you’ve never watched the popular Netflix show Love Is Blind then you won’t understand this episode as much, but bear with me. I will be deep-diving into a few people from this show and even if you’ve never seen it, you might get what I’m talking about. The premise of the show is can you go into a relationship blind, never seeing what the physica…
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What Do You Want Your Legacy To Be? | Episode 56
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Do you ever think about what kind of impact you leave on people? Let's discuss how important your legacy is to people you come in contact with, relative or not. I have given so much thought to this as I have tried to manage the uncomfortable feelings of my brother’s suicide. The legacy he has left on his family, me, my children, his children and gr…
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The Emotional Side Of ‘Dieting’ with Rachael Morris | Episode 55
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We know about our physical health, but how about the emotional side of our physical health? On today’s episode, I’m interviewing Rachael Morris. She is a certified holistic health coach as well as a certified nutrition and macro coach. She’s been health coaching clients for 10 years and has helped hundreds of women develop plans to help their chron…
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A Journey of Redemption and Belonging with Cherie Denna | Episode 54
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Cherie Denna’s mission is to empower individuals to find a deep sense of belonging and belovedness in Jesus Christ in their everyday lives. She draws from her extensive experience in women's ministry, relapse prevention, prayer counseling, and recovery to inspire audiences to remove imposters from their lives. Her newly released debut book, Beloved…
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Is Your Discipline Style Different Than Your Mom's? | Episode 53
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What kind of communicator are you with your kids? Are you a screamer or ignoring Mom? How you grew up can determine certain traits that may need to be broken within yourself, only if you recognize them. I was having a conversation a few days ago with another mom, and it occurred to me that when it comes to us moms and how we have been raised, one o…
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How To Trust Your Adult Children’s Judgement Instead Of Correcting | Episode 52
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17:31
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Do you trust the judgment of your children as adults? When we as moms can’t get out of our way to allow our adult children to live their own lives how can that impact our relationship with them? So many times I have sat in places at parties, family gatherings, and such where I overhear or have conversations with well-meaning mothers about their adu…
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Learning How To Heal From Covert Narcissism with Jacqueline Julia | Episode 51
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Jacqueline Julia is a single mom of 2 young boys. Her first marriage ended in divorce and in a second marriage, she began to see signs of narcissistic abuse. She is currently separated and working through the healing process. This has led her to a new passion for helping to heal other women through their own struggles of trauma. She is receiving he…
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Trust & Money: When You’ve Grown Up With A Scarcity Mindset | Episode 50
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If you grew up with a scarcity mentality, can you have a healthy relationship when money comes in? At the beginning of January, I did a fast with my church. I decided to take 3 weeks off from watching TV. When I came back to it, my daughter and I watched the new Netflix game show “The Trust”. I began to realize that most people who aren’t ready for…
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Does Time Genuinely Heal All Wounds? | Episode 49
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Does grief get easier throughout the years? Short answer: that grief will always stay with you, it will just look different as time moves on. 40 years ago, I lost my first son Linton. There is no timeline for grief for sure. I cry just as much today as I did 40 years ago. The crazy thing was about 25 years ago, there was a time each year when I wou…
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A Check In After The Holidays + Setting New Intentions & Boundaries For 2024 | Episode 48
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What are you doing differently this year to find that balance of boundaries and peace with the difficult relationship with your mom? I will ask some questions today to see if this is the year you will start taking care of your mental health and find a place to balance out the struggle of loving and setting hard boundaries in your relationships. Thi…
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Using The Linked® Personality Coaching What Kind Of Mom Do You Think You Are Or Had Growing Up? |Episode 47
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When I’m mentoring a woman, I hear this statement a lot “My Mother just doesn’t understand or get me. . .” and today, I am hoping to use this Linked® Personality Guide to fill this gap. A couple of years ago, I became certified as a Linked® Personality coach using the book LINKED® Quick Guide to Personalities by Linda Gilden and Linda Goldfarb. To …
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How Can We Really Handle Grief And How Much Can We Handle? | Episode 46
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Trigger warning: This week’s episode contains talk about suicide. If you feel the need to skip the episode, feel free to do so. Let’s be honest, grief is a ‘B’. In November/December I had to walk through the many emotions of unexpected tragedy and loss. I was never expecting to do an episode like this when I started my podcast a year ago, but here …
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I’m Now A Certified Freedom Movement Coach + What Is A Trauma Coach? | Episode 45
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What does it take to be a trauma coach and what is a trauma coach? Why would you need one and how do you find one? In this episode, we are going to dive into what drew me to learn more about what trauma coaching was, how I didn’t know what I didn’t know about my traumas and triggers, and how I found Karrie Scott Garcia to teach me all the things I …
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We will still be active on social media if you want to connect with me over there. As always we appreciate your love and support so much and would love it if you take the time to leave us a review! Happy Holidays Peeps, see you in the New Year! Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/gro…
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Does Birth Order Matter With Your Siblings? | Episode 44
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Growing up in a dysfunctional family, did you ever think about birth order when growing up? If you are the oldest, what responsibilities did you feel were put on you? The same goes if you are the middle child or a younger one. It’s also a great time to take a few personality tests, just to understand a little bit more. Not to be used as an excuse f…
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Learning About Our Praying Personalities With Janet McHenry | Episode 43
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Today we are talking with Janet McHenry. She is a national speaker and author of 27 books, including the bestselling PrayerWalk, The Complete Guide to the Prayers of Jesus, and her new release, Praying Personalities. She directs the prayer ministries at The Bridge Church in Reno and serves on the California leadership team for the National Day of P…
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How To Raise A Family That Works Together, There Is No “I” In Family | Episode 42
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One of the biggest fears I had when starting a family was, how can I create a healthy family when I hadn’t been brought up in one. If you have not dealt with the issues you have grown up around there can be residual anger that you let out on your child. Or you can end up overcompensating for the things you have lost in your childhood and smother yo…
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How To Maneuver the Holidays When You Grow Up With A Dysfunctional Family | Episode 41
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How do we NOT get swept into all the dysfunction and drama from our family? Do we just “peace out” with toxic family members during this time? What if your family is just difficult at best, but not toxic? Ugh, just thinking about the holidays of my childhood makes me want to sweat right now. I recently watched The Bear Season 2 Episode 6: Fishes. A…
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What To Do When You Realize Your Mommy Issues After Becoming A Mom Yourself? | Episode 40
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When I became a mother, my heart exploded with love and I was so confused as to how my mother could be so cold to us kids. When you become a mom, it becomes so much more noticeable how much you were Unmothered! How do we learn to do the things of which we were not taught? I couldn’t imagine not pouring out my very best to this beautiful baby. Now t…
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How Grief Hits When You Lose An Unloving Family Member | Episode 39
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When you lose a family member most people think you are supposed to be sad, but what happens when that person was hard to love? How can you maneuver through that grief and what kind of feelings do arise? When I was scrolling through Instagram, one of my favorite trauma recovery coaches Nate Postlewait ( https://www.instagram.com/nate_postlethwait )…
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The Truth Of Being A Caregiver To Someone With Dementia | Episode 38
20:16
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Being a caregiver can be an amazing thing, but don’t forget to take care of yourself. I recently watched a short segment on how Bruce Willis’s wife, Emma was taking a break from being a caregiver. As she held back tears, she explained, (although she shouldn’t have to) that even though she is out and about with a smile on her face and it seems she i…
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What Are Some Signs And Qualities Of A Narcissistic Mother Part 2 | Episode 37
37:52
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Let’s dig into a deeper conversation about some signs and qualities that I’ve started to notice about people with narcissistic tendencies. A big question we must ask is, where it comes from (possibly) and what are some signs of things you yourself may be suffering from being around or living with a person who is narcissistic. Upon my reading and st…
…
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When The Root of the Problem Still Remains, How Can You Do The Deep Work? | Episode 36
21:36
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Can you help someone out of their past, if the root of the problem still remains? I was listening to the news recently and heard the story about Michael Oher and his fight with the Tuohy family. It reminded me of how bringing someone into a healthy family can be an amazing thing, but if they don’t do the deep work, the problems will still remain. A…
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How Can You Identify And Tolerate Having A Narcissistic Mom? | Episode 35
26:48
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Most women don’t even acknowledge that their mom is a narcissist or may be toxic. In order to start your healing journey, you have to NAME the pain that has been done to you in your childhood. And I want to note, I’m not giving out professional advice! Apart from being a certified coach, I am not a doctor or therapist, so please take this as my per…
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When Does Helping Become Enabling & How Many Times Do You Save Your Mom? | Episode 34
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There is a difference between helping with love, versus being the person who is allowing the continuation of dysfunction to happen by enabling. I recently watched a movie called ‘To Leslie’ that was an unexpected success in my book, Andrea Riseborough played Leslie and knocked it out of the park as an alcoholic mom. The reason I say this is because…
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Never Have Shame In Naming The Harm That Was Done To You | Episode 33
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When is it okay to talk about the hard things in your story? Do you feel as if you are allowed? To be able to name the things of harm in your story is not only important, it’s necessary for your healing. For far too long the generations of the past have demanded that we “shut up and move on” or tell us “it wasn’t that bad”. We are told we are being…
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Having Confidence In Trusting Your God-Given Instinct with Stacy Leicht | Episode 32
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Stacy Leicht is an author, speaker, and veteran teacher. Stacy currently works at UNC-Greensboro in the Education Department where she trains future teachers. Stacy believes there's a story in every seat, and God uniquely made each person with a purpose. She has dealt with physical trauma, being violated by someone she trusted, and the anxiety and …
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