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Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen - the definitive guide to all things Van Halen. Join comedy's own Stephen Alan Yorke and Cheap Meat's Ross Drummond as they actually DO talk 'bout everything Van Halen... with a few pointless tangents in between. You'll laugh! You'll cry! Perhaps you'll side with team David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar. And maybe you'll pick up fashion tips from Gary Cherone and his leather waistcoats!
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Ahoy there, dear listener! Your audio pals Steve & Ross are back casting pods around Lake Internet and reeling them in to bring you a review of their latest catch — The Collection II! And to pursue this totally random angling analogy a little further; there's nothing fishy going on when such a treasure trove of previously unreleased Sammy-era VH tr…
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Podderers! Podbods! OnlyPoddyFans! Seeeeee!! As promised, it's not been an eternity of decades since the previous episode has it! Say what you like about this poddington-pod (and if you've ever read our reviews you'll know that some people certainly do) but we are true to our word... as long as we don't have to sign anything official that legally b…
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We listened, dear Listener! Yes, after spending thousands upon thousands on expensive podcast focus groups we listened to the feedback... and after kindly giving the world's ears a deserving year and a half's rest from our nonsense – WE'RE BACK – to broadcast more flights of fancy from the Van Halen chopper! Well, a news broadcast to be precise. Si…
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Greetings most excellent listener! Ohhh hang on, you’ve got your angry face on…. Yes yes, you have every right to be annoyed – downright irate in fact. But if you’re gonna blame anybody for the almost-a-year delay between episodes, blame nature…. Steve + Ross went into hibernation last October, and one of the bears in their colony annoyingly (and r…
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It was probably the legendary Freddie Mercury who put it best... "One man. One goal. One mission. One global lockdown. One replica guitar. One work station. One spray can. ONE VISION." Er, it went something like that anyway…. The point is, without knowing it, Lord Mercury coincidentally and unwittingly predicted the future project of Mr. Steve Reek…
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SUMMON THE DEVILS! AWAKEN THE DEMONS! DILUTE THE SPIRITS! WE ARE BACK! So after reading a random article about wild bears and the benefits of annual hibernation, Steve and Ross return from a refreshingly deep January to August sleep (off-grid in a bunk bed in the woods) to bring you a brand new episode of ATBVH! And as a special reward for waiting …
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If you're in a band that exists purely because of Van Halen AND you have a longstanding podcast about the band, THEN you have your debut album coming out, what do you do?! Well, you hope the fans of the show will get stuck in and listen as Ross and Steve go through the album track by track! We're talking Ross' band Cheap Meat, and their Debut Album…
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Season's Tidings this Christmas Eve, dear listener! On the (day before the) first day of Chrimbus, your true loves (Santa Steve & Ross Claus) bring to you another audio issue of their (semi) annual ATBVH Holiday Special – recorded remotely from the soundproofed nest of their rock n' roll pear tree! Yep that's right, the boys are dinging and donging…
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Right Now, you're listening to our Van Halen podcast. Right Now we're all thinking about Eddie. Right Now, the world is still in shock. Right Now feels appropriate to park our usual nonsense and buffoonery. Right Now we're paying tribute to the great man's life and work instead. Right Now, you're hearing Steve and Ross trying hard to juggle paying …
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Greetings and socially distanced, fully sanitised elbow fistbumps to you dear listener! Yes, your friendly neighbourhood Van Halen podcasters are back in the digital saddle and galloping towards you with another audio issue of nonsense! Although things have been better... Steve has just tried to open a bank account at a branch that doesn't exist, a…
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GREEEEEETINGS DEAR LISTENERS! Ok, ok... don’t be mad that it's been EIGHT ACTUAL MONTHS since our last pod-based broadcast... The thing is, unfortunately and until very recently, we've been trapped genie-style inside a Sammy Hagar Cabo Wabo tequila bottle. We were slurring our words so badly whilst drinking that we accidentally cast a dark spell on…
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What do you get when you’ve two of the smartest minds in podcasting? Well, belated and sporadic episodes for a start (sorry again dear listener) BUT you also get hosts of a Top 60 comedy podcast in Finland (this is not a drill!) AND... um... er... um... you get an album skipped too... ! Yep we admit it, so dazzled have we been by Dave’s solo offeri…
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As promised standard album review services have resumed, dear listener(s)! That can mean only one thing.... Good Times! These are the good times! Leave your cares behind! David Lee Roth has undoubtedly been trying to do that, after getting nicked by the rozzers in New York. Why? For not washing his mouth out with soap enough! That's right folks, it…
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Goodness us, Dear Listener! What can we say but bestow our humblest apologies... it's been an age – an ice (cream man) age! SooOoo long in fact, that actual new VH-based news has surfaced of late and is occurring “riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight NOW.” So we’ve veered off the usual album-review highway and stopped off at the nearest cheap motel to devote an ent…
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We've been making a list, checking it twice, now come and find out if you've been naughty or nice! You guessed it... it's the Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen Christmas Special! Wolfgang's roasted (ie. burnt) the chestnuts by an open fire, Michael Anthony's nipping at your nose and Eddie and Alex have eaten all the Celebrations but left all the Twix's…
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"Bye Bye Vai...! Oi, Tuggle! Bissonette Brothers! Rocket! Get over here!" "Seems like it's only a few of us here, Dave..." "Ha! A Little Ain't Enough!" "Sounds like a good name for an album in 1991, boss." "YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT!!!" Grunge, so much grunge... all over poor DLR’s spandex. So better start shooting videos in black and white to hide those p…
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Give me a surfboard! Give me a boxing ring! Give me bass turned very low in the mix and while you're at it could you make sure this album sounds as exactly like the era it was recorded as possible? Build it low? Absolutely not, it's time to talk.... Skyscraper! OU812? Don't mind if I do! It's 1988 – David has been touring the world, meeting up with…
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Lights! Camera! Cancelled?! Troubles a foot in paradise... we're going to need spandex, a Scientologist and that fella with a handle in his guitar. We might be a while folks, it's time to Eat 'Em and Smile! It's 1985. David Lee Roth has fully found his true calling and as Pasadena's answer to Steven Spielberg. It's time to take those 3 and a half m…
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If David Lee Roth calls, is it really a conversation? Is that a Beach Boy? Is it Christopher Cross? Where’s the top of my hat? It must be the weather, we’re going Crazy from the Heat! It’s 1984, the Van Halen brothers are back at the ranch. Ted Templeman’s been called up for the England squad. DLR is wearing ski goggles indoors and starting a TV sh…
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Zilch! Zip! Nil Points! Buckle up listeners! We're off in our DeLorean and while you're at it, bring a calculator... and you know what – bring your maths homework too! 1 minus 1? Easy peasy... hold on, is this a middling analogy? That's right listeners! We're talking about the magical 1976 demo 'Zero'! Poor Mrs. Van Halen's not getting a minute's r…
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It can be difficult in these modern times... Who to turn to? Who to trust? Is this fake news? No, no, no, dear listener. This is ‘A Different Kind of Truth’! It's 2012 — the year of the London Olympics. A failed attempt to get into the US Squash Court team can mean only one thing. Time for Wolfgang to wrangle up the brothers Van Halen for their fir…
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Lights! Camera! No.. wait! This is audio only! Press record! Press Record! Oh Cripes, it's in Japanese! What do I do?! Welcome to Tokyo Dome Live in Concert! The year is 2013, Alex, Eddie and Wolfgang Van Halen have been routing through the deepest darkest corners of their Big Yellow Storage Space, old demos fly across the room, live outtakes are d…
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A Live Album! A Live Album? Who knows! Can you tell? That’s right, it’s Live: Right Here, Right Now! Hey! Who’s that there sniffing? David Lee Roth? Can you see Sammy and the gang are busy! No we’re not doing a greatest hits album! Haven’t you heard of a thing called MOMENTUM?! Okay, fine, we’ll do a live album. Can we re-record nearly the whole th…
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Holes in the squash court... samurai hair... capri pants strewn all over the shop... it's 2004! It's the Best of Both Worlds! Sometimes you just want to get back in a familiar saddle. Sometimes you've got to make sure your bass playing pal comes along for the ride. Does he still have a mullet? Flippin' 'eck! Is it the mid-naughties now? No matter w…
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Fax Machines filled with tornado facts, Ted Templeman by the telephone, David Lee Roth taking a break from his painting and decorating! We're going over Greatest Hits, Volume 1! Isn't it ironic? Don't you think? All these singers, a slice at a time, like an... erm, yeah a lead singer in Van Halen! Sometimes you just can catch a break if you've a de…
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What do you do when it’s the late 90s and you're down a singer? Well you bag yourself a friend of the A-Team... oh, and Gary Cherone! We’re talking Van Halen III of course! Things are TENSE at 5150. Michael Anthony still has the mullet but his presence is scarce. So who's going to sing over these experimental and oh-so-long songs? Is that the flare…
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Steady that egg friend! And while you’re at it, watch those conjoined children on that there see-saw, that’s right we’re talking Van Halen’s Balance! Things ever got so bad that you headed to Bryan Adams’ place up in Canada? Just couldn’t be bothered to write lyrics and hoped no one would notice? Smashed a piano to pieces and hoped you’d do a good …
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Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it an acronym for a naughty word? Come on down to our Van Halen college, we're talking about For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge! Have you been taking album title recommendations from boxers who's facts don't necessarily check out? Keep recording whatever power tools are knocking about your squash court? Maybe you're tryin…
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For god's sake wipe that smile off your face. I'm not interested in what that other fella has been up to, it's time for us to talk OU812! Have you got noisy neighbours writing riffs? Are they wanting to come into your house smoking a cigarette? Have you been trying to get away from it all? Are you trying to write some lyrics that will clearly be in…
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Holidays are coming, Holidays are coming, Holidays are coming.. The Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen Holiday special is HERE! We're taking a quick break from all things =VH= (well there's a slice of =VH= since we couldn't resist!) to bring you a blast of Christmas cheer for this holiday season, we'll be back in 2017 with all manner of Van Hagar deligh…
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What's that coming over the hill? It's blazing red, it's maybe insane, it's wearing Capri Pants? Look out! It's 5150 time! You know what listeners, it's really time you tended to that rattling noise your Lamborghini makes when you pull out of the Wal-Mart car park! While you're getting the old boy a service, you couldn't pick us up a new front man …
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That heartfelt poem to a Calvin Klein model can wait! It's part 2 of 1984! Grab a racquet listeners, we're heading back to everyone's favourite squash court / recording studio, 5150 to finish off 1984! Eddie is having trouble with his AM radio, and The Doobie Brothers keep knocking on the door to suggest synth lines! Meanwhile, present day DLR is h…
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Buy a packet of cigarettes and give them to a baby with wings - it's 1984! Well not just yet, it's 1983... and plans to build a squash court go awry. In fact our hero Eddie Van Halen's only gone and bloody built a studio! 5150 levels of crazy, am I right listeners? Plus that old grumpybags Ted Templeman is sticking his nose in everyone's business A…
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Strap on those oxygen canisters kids, we're going Diver Down! 1982... Eddie and the gang just got back from a tour and are about to settle down for a bit of TV, coffee and a biscuit when ol' DLR smashes through the door with visions of covers, dressing up as Napoleon and making Mike be a samurai! Queue pesky WB asking for an album, and the next thi…
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Somebody said Fair Warning! Who was it? Did you? No, I'm serious, did you say Fair Warning? We're back! It's Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen! 1981, Eddie is having a tough time, Ted Templeman is doing his head in! It's a dark and exciting time and some of the best Van Halen music is being made! It's Fair Warning time! We talk studio break-ins, The Fl…
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Welcome back to Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen! March1979, they've toured the world and the old ball & chain that isWarner Bros wants the boys back in the studio stat! That's right,we're talking Van Halen II! We're talking ankle breaks, HotelSmashing and a bit of nonsense for good measure. Come follow us on the twitters! @TalkinVanHalen…
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