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A fictional comedy whodunit in 12 episodes, each approximately 15 minutes long, performed by 36 international and talented voice actors. LOGLINE: After marrying her closeted gay best friend for a green card, PEPA (Señorita Flores) - an aspiring mystery writer with a strange predisposition to alcohol-induced amnesia - must use her amateur detective skills to discover who knocked her up on the night she blacked out... before her mother-in-law gets her deported back to Spain. The Strange Case o ...
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Trashy Royals

Hemlock Creatives

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Whether it's the debauchery of ancient Roman emperors, the Tudor crime family, the shenanigans behind the Chair of St. Peter, or the Austrian elites’ attempts to save themselves by trading their daughters to other royal houses, it turns out that our betters have always been among our worst. Join Alicia and Stacie from Trashy Divorces as we turn our jaded eyes to a different kind of moral garbage fire: Trashy Royals! Thursdays. Brought to you by Hemlock Creatives.
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While Queen Elizabeth I of England famously never married, her close relationship with Robert Dudley began when the two were small children together in the court of Henry VIII. Elizabeth was a princess who was downgraded to a lady after her mother, Anne Boleyn's, death. Robert was the grandson of an advisor to King Henry VII who was executed for tr…
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It's a big week for Tortured Poets, so we decided to take a long look at history's most famous one: William Shakespeare himself. Alicia explores the mystery around the true identity of the author of some of the world's most famous pieces of literature. Was it really the actor from Stratford-upon-Avon penning Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet, A Midsummer Ni…
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As Taylor Swift launches her latest era with The Tortured Poets Department, Alicia dives into her favorite era: Tudor England. We explore the 17 surviving love letters that King Henry VIII penned during his courtship and early relationship with Anne Boleyn in the latter half of the 1520s, particularly noting that for quite a long time, it seems lik…
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However much 'protocol' may attempt to intervene, the truth is that eccentricity is a trait that even royals have. This is certainly the case for Elisabeth of Wied, a German princess who became Romania's first queen, wife of Romania's King Carol I. Politics in Europe were extra complex in the latter half of the 19th century. In Russia, Tsar Alexand…
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The fourteenth century was full of challenges to marital bliss, especially for nobles. Travel was complicated, especially during times of war, but royal houses still needed to cement alliances through marriage - often among woefully young princes and princesses who, again, were separated by vast distances and perhaps had never met. So it was for Po…
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We touched on England's King George IV in our episode about Queen Victoria's Trashy Hanoverian Uncles (episode 17), but there's so much more to the story of his misspent youth and his cataclysmic marriage to Princess Caroline of Brunswick. To help out, we asked our friend Sam from the podcast I'm Horrified!, who recently delivered this banger of a …
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This week, we take a look at a different European monarchy, that of Denmark, through two King Frederiks of Denmark. Frederik VII held the throne from 1848 to 1863, and was the last absolute monarch of the country, bowing to calls for reforms and signing Denmark's constitution, which implemented the constitutional monarchy that persists to this day.…
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After the death of Edwina Mountbatten in 1960, Dickie still had another 19 years of living to do, and while he was single, he was in no way alone. He had romances with plenty of women in his later years, and according to many, he had male lovers - including, it is alleged, boys - as well. A mentor to Prince Charles, his advice to the young man may …
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Meet our Spanish heroine, Pepa Flores, and her eccentric world. She moved to New York to become a mystery writer against her mother's wishes. Still, she makes ends meet by working as a wig stylist at an Orthodox Jewish hair salon, where she sometimes moonlights as an amateur private detective for her salon's clients. She uncovers little dark secret…
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Pepa and her best friend in NYC—BEN—make an emergency stop at the gynecologist's office, where she discovers the biggest mystery of her life on the most inconvenient day when we all meet Ben's family: his mother YAFFA, his father BARRY, his brother DAVID, and the family rabbi, RABBI ALLEN. Voice Actors: Paula Roman as Pepa Flores Adam Lebowitz-Lock…
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Ben tries to cheer Pepa up after the surprising news: her due date has changed (meaning her ex can no longer be the father, but who is it, now?) while there is an unexpected arrival in NYC: Pepa’s ex – JEAN PAUL – who now he thinks he is the father of Pepa’s baby. Pepa starts the investigation and finds the two first clues that lead her to meet her…
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Following the elevator tape (clue #1), Pepa gets some exciting information about how she arrived at her apartment the night of. Ben and Pepa visit a graphologist in Chinatown to examine the written note, someone left behind the night of (clue #2) and discover a scoop that…well you will listen.. At Ben’s apartment, Pepa and Ben are preparing a Spani…
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Unannounced and straight from Seville, CARMEN, Pepa’s mother, shows up at Ben’s apartment at the exact moment when Ben’s family is downstairs, eager to come up to indulge a delicious Spanish dinner. There is a big problem: Pepa has told Ben’s parents that her Mom is dead. Pepa hides her mother from Ben’s family while they enjoy the tapas until the …
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Ben is out of shape after learning that his mother, Yaffa, and his entire family has decided to stay in the city until the baby is born. Pepa tells the truth to her mother, Carmen, who goes bananas. After the storm, Carmen joins the investigation with Pepa and Ben, and inspecting the photos taken the night of, they manage to put together an interes…
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Pepa starts interviewing everyone on the LIST OF SUSPECTS, but there is one nobody has a clue of who he is: the man with the Sankofa symbol. Meanwhile, Yaffa and Barry run a separate investigation to discover what the hell Pepa is hiding. Following Pepa around, who is also pursuing her clues, can only bring more chaos and disparate (folly fun). Voi…
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Pepa goes to dinner with Martin at his dad’s favorite Italian restaurant, and Yaffa and Barry follow them, concluding that… well, you will listen. Voice Actors: Manolo Roman as Little Italy restaurant Host Kitty Swink – Yaffa – Ben’s mother Lon Fiala – Barry – Ben’s father Daisun Cohn-Williams as Martin - Pepa's neighbor's son Paula Roman as Pepa F…
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Pepa finds the man with the Sankofa symbol, RON, and discovers something shocking when she meets him in person. Pepa also manages to interview the bartender who worked at her birthday party, TYLER, one of the suspects. And even though, she finds out he is no longer a suspect, he reveals a crazy fact about the night of. Following the scoop from Tyle…
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Pepa gets out of jail with the help of Martin, Carmen, Benjamin, and Ron. On the way home, Ben and Pepa have a big fight revealing the unexpected suspect. Voice Actors: Lindsay Casto as Jail Woman Paula Roman as Pepa Flores Eddie McGitty as the Jail officer Camille Natta as Caroline Henri Laborde as Jean Paul Gerard B Fillmore as Ron Adam Lebowitz-…
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Madness ensues when Pepa, Ben, Ron, and Carmen get together with the graphologist to examine all the suspects’ handwriting to see if any matches the anonymous note (clue #2). Pepa’s apartment is like the Marx Brothers' cabin; everyone shows up with different intentions… even an immigration officer… In the middle of this folly, Pepa breaks water. Vo…
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Everyone gets on Leopoldo’s hearse and drives to the hospital. While waiting for the doctor’s report on Pepa and the baby, the immigration officer reveals that Pepa’s application for permanent residence is pending because there is evidence of possible marriage fraud. All is resolved with the birth of Pepa’s healthy baby, and she finally discovers w…
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As Edwina took pains to lay low in Malta after the scandals of her affairs, Italy decided to exit the League of Nations and invade Ethiopia. To protect their children, she took them to Budapest and installed them in a hotel with their nanny and governess... and then forgot which hotel they were in. For months. As the summer of 1935 turned to fall, …
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Programming note: This episode is a bit more explicit than most, including strong language and descriptions of sex. If you listen with wee ones, use your judgment. The early '30s were a roaring time for Edwina's various romances, though two in particular would have far-reaching implications for her lovers. The first, with American actor Paul Robeso…
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As the Roaring '20s turned into the '30s, Edwina's appetite for other lovers showed no sign of diminishing, and eventually led to a breaking point with her long-suffering husband, Louis. At one point, they decided that divorce was the best option, but quickly reconciled with new rules for their relationship: Edwina would be more discreet in her dal…
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It didn't take long for Edwina, young, rich, and alone while her husband Louis was away with the Navy, to begin flirtations and then affairs with various suitors. There were the young men of her social strata, to be sure, but there was also a scandalous rumored fling with the notably female American entertainer Sophie Tucker, "The Last of the Red-H…
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While Louis and Edwina Mountbatten would have a 38-year-long marriage, it isn't quite right to say it was a happy union. That first six months or so though - when they traveled through Europe and the United States, meeting Charlie Chaplin, Cecil B. DeMille, and dining with President Warren G. Harding - was a magical time for the couple. Once they r…
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As many will already know, it was the youngest child of Prince Louis of Battenberg and Princess Victoria of Hesse and by Rhine who would become a prominent figure in the lives of the modern world of the Windsors. Young Louis Battenberg, later Louis Mountbatten, was known as Dickie to his confidants, and was stung early when his father, First Sea Lo…
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Prince George of Battenberg, later the 2nd Marquess of Milford Haven, was the third child of Louis Battenber and Princess Victoria of Hesse and by Rhine, and was by all accounts a pretty good dude. Like his father, he set his sights on a naval career, and excelled at the Royal Naval College in Dartmouth, entering the Royal Navy in time to participa…
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Admit it: you’re obsessed with royal families – watching them, gossiping about them, wanting to be them. It’s the stuff of fantasy. But for real life royals, the crown jewels can be more like shiny handcuffs. There are expectations and rules – and if you break them, the consequences are big, and very public. And no, we’re not just talking about Har…
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The second child of Prince Louis of Battenberg (later, Louis Mountbatten, Marquess of Milford Haven) and Princess Victoria of Hesse and by Rhine was Princess Louise, born July 14, 1889. While most royal were promptly shuttled into marriage, Louise was an independent, progressive young woman whose heart was set on marrying for love. There were suito…
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After Louis Battenberg's (later Louis Mountbatten) successful campaign to marry Princess Victoria of Hesse and by Rhine, the couple set about having babies. The first of these, Princess Alice, was born in 1885, and came into the world congenitally deaf. Given the era, no particular accommodations were made for her, and while her condition caused ma…
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While royal houses are often insular and even incestuous (at least at the cousin-marrying level), new blood does manage to enter those gene pools from time to time. Meet the Mountbattens! The family's story begins in Russia, circa 1850, where the orphaned daughter of a Polish general named Julia von Hauke was serving in the household of Maria Alexa…
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Eleanor's life was no less interesting following the death of Henry II. Rather than fade into the background, her son, King Richard I, instead made her his most powerful deputy in England while he went to the Holy Land on Crusade. In fact, Richard I was an extremely disinterested monarch and spent very little of his decade-long reign in the country…
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After Eleanor finally succeeded in ending her marriage to Louis VII of France, she had a brief turn of wedded bliss to the future Henry II of England. It's not that the marriage was short, just her happiness. Henry II, it turns out, was a king of questionable judgment, as Archbishop of Canterbury Thomas Becket would find out. He was also loathe to …
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History is not without examples of powerful women, to be sure, but even in that pantheon, Eleanor of Aquitaine is a special case. In this first part of her story, Alicia takes us through her early life in the French province of Aquitaine, where her father was the ruling Duke, and her first, disastrous marriage to the future (it turns out by a matte…
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After the unfortunate incident with the boating accident that killed Heir Presumptive William in 1120, King Henry I had a choice to make when it came to succession planning. While he had nephews through his sister and illegitimate children (galore), it was his daughter Matilda, Holy Roman Empress since her arranged marriage at the age of eight, tha…
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Today we travel back nearly a millennium to look at three of the sons of William the Conqueror. The first Norman (French) king of England, William of course defeated the English King Harold at the Battle of Hastings in 1066, after which he was crowned King of England, but mostly administered the territory from his duchy in Normandy. An early exampl…
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At the turn of the last century, the French Riviera was mostly a winter destination for those in colder climates. It turns out that "fun in the sun" and "playground for the rich" are fairly modern concepts, but in a brilliant real estate move, American actress Maxine Elliott created both. Her waterfront Château de l'Horizon, constructed in 1932, be…
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The House of Grimaldi has ruled the tiny principality of Monaco since January 8, 1297, when Francois "The Spiteful" Grimaldi disguised himself as a monk and knocked on his uncle's castle door, launching a coup. In the violence that followed, according to legend, a woman - possibly a lover of Francois, possibly a witch he had wronged (can't it be bo…
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Once their grandmother, Queen Victoria, died in 1901, Ernie and Ducky were finally free to do what everyone sorta kinda understood they should: divorce. But sovereigns don't divorce, so the situation became a scandal in the Royal Houses of Europe, and in Russia, Ernie's sister, Empress Alexandra, blamed Ducky for it all. This became a significant i…
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Queen Victoria's efforts to make suitable matches for her dozens of grandchildren was in no way a flawless endeavor. Take today's subjects, for instance. First cousins Ernest Louis, Grand Duke of Hesse and by Rhine (nickname: Ernie) and Princess Victoria Melita of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha (nickname: Ducky), became the subject of intense Royal meddling…
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Before he was King Edward VII, Queen Victoria's son "Dirty Bertie" lived a few different lives. There was his endless womanizing and brothel-patronizing, which prompted that nickname, as well as "Edward the Caresser." But after a particular romantic scandal that Queen Victoria blamed for his father's death, Bertie married and fulfilled his duties t…
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Queen Victoria and Prince Albert had a plan to use their nine children to unite Europe's various monarchies into one big, happy family. Unfortunately for those royal houses, Queen Victoria herself appears to have spontaneously developed a gene mutation for the inherited clotting disorder hemophilia. With son Leopold affected, and two of her daughte…
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As we continue looking at the lives and times of Queen Victoria's children and grandchildren, we're going to keep bumping into people who changed the course of human history, often for the worse. But when it comes to Germany's Kaiser Wilhelm II, Queen Victoria's first grandchild, events beginning with his breech birth lend a bit of context to emoti…
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While the thesis of this podcast is that our betters have always behaved badly, there are examples that really take it to the next level. Meet Princess Charlotte of Prussia, the first granddaughter of Queen Victoria, daughter of Princess Royal Victoria, and sister of Kaiser Wilhelm II, whose reputation for using people as pawns became legendary in …
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In her first decade and a half on the throne, Queen Victoria was pregnant for more than 40% of it. This was an irony, as she herself disliked the condition of pregnancy, and was no fan of small children, either. And yet, her lusty romance with her husband ultimately produced nine children, and a new project for the English monarchy: using matrimoni…
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Crown Prince Rudolf's death left a young daughter in mourning, but her grandfather, Emperor Franz Joseph, stepped into the breech to become guardian of young Elisabeth Marie, future Archduchess. Though the two were close, Elisabeth was a fiery child who balked at convention, much like her father. She cajoled her grandfather into approving her first…
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Content warning: Suicide This week, we take a little trip over to the Austro-Hungarian Emprire in the latter half of the 19th century to meet one of the more scandalous figures of his age - and a man whose death most likely put the world on the path toward World War I. Crown Prince Rudolf of Austria grew up in an emotionally and physically abusive …
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We tend to think of Queen Victoria attired in black, with a dour countenance, but as a young queen she was anything but. Her marriage to Prince Albert was the rare love match, and according to her surviving letters and journal entries, the two enjoyed a vibrant intimacy, albeit in an era where birth control wasn't really a thing. The nine children …
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Queen Victoria was just 18 when she assumed the throne in the United Kingdom in 1837. She ruled for more than 63 years and is considered truly one of the great monarchs in history, but her reign did not start without a few hiccups. Looking at her first two years on the throne or so, we examine some of the personal politics that played out through t…
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We tend to think of royal upbringings as fairly entitled, but for the future Queen Victoria, her childhood was more like a hostage situation. After her father's death when she was just an infant, her mother and (maybe) her mother's lover went to great lengths to control every aspect of her life. Young Victoria was simply never allowed to be alone, …
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