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Ernest Cline’s runaway best seller continues to disgust and annoy us, even as it approaches the home stretch. In this episode we wrap up the seemingly endless John Hughes quest by meeting an actual John Hughes NPC (not actually John Hughes). Then we’re off to Halcydonia, where we all try to pretend that Zoobilee Zoo wasn’t a terrifying TV show. The…
 
Support the podcast on Patreon and get access to early episodes, bonus materials, contests and more! Patreon.com/372pages Conor states with confidence that this episode contains a chapter that is the dumbest and therefore the greatest of any that has been covered by 372 Pages! The editor has taken her hand off the tiller and what we’re getting now …
 
After countless pages of Worldbuilding and freeing child slaves when our hero felt like it, Ernest Cline finally lets some things happen in this section. The action kicks off when a Gunter and a Sharter listen to a Morissey song in silence and it doesn’t let up from there! By the time we’re done, there’s been a kidnapping, a shareholder’s meeting, …
 
Don’t miss out on participating in the read along! Join the 372 Patreon and get early access to episodes, as well as a BONUS Real or Fanfic we did this week! patreon.com/372pages So much to cover: Conor is shocked at Cline’s revelation that there may be a downside to the internet Conor is shocked at Cline’s revelation that gigantic media conglomera…
 
Support the podcast on Patreon and get access to every episode early, plus a ton of exclusive bonus stuff! patreon.com/372pages Ready Player Two? Let me ask that again; Ready Player Two?! I don’t think you are!! But Conor and Mike are ready. Having only an evening to read the first few chapters, here are some questions addressed: Did you have “fain…
 
Yes, this may be the final episode of Midnight Sun but Alice has looked into the future and Mike and Conor are still reading it in every possibility but this one. We won’t spoil anything about the episode itself but stay tuned to the very end and help us (and 372 listener Josh who sent it in) solve the deep mystery of the shared / unshared lasagna …
 
Phil hears from an assistant coach of the Sidewinders that there may be a backup shortstop position opening up! So Renee and he may drive back to Phoenix!!!!!!!! Also, the tireless and cunning James the Tracker is making plans to watch his collection of VHS tapes in a room with a gold chair rail once he lands his Piper Cub at Chandler Municipal Air…
 
How em dash HOW em dash is this book not about Charlie hauling in a world record white perch, or at the very least the story of him getting a treble hook buried into his thigh? Why not page after page of Carlisle being tutored in Courtly Italian by some foppish vampire with a high starched collar?! Nope. What we get is page after impossibly long pa…
 
Twilight but as told from the vampire’s point of view, continues to be a collection of words strung together in mostly coherent fashion, with occasional digressions to count thousands of insects. There you go, Little Brown, you can use that as a quote on the cover of the paperback. We hit the halfway mark during this episode and Mike and Conor foun…
 
If you like Cline-ian pop culture lists you are in for a treat! In this episode Mike and Conor break down Bella’s likes / dislikes, turn-ons / turn-offs, preferences for types of flowers / er, preferring not to encounter other types of flowers, etc. Conor again dives to the dark web to widen our understanding of Edward’s movie tastes, while Mike ta…
 
Yes, we talk about things other than Lanny. But we don’t want to! You’ll all be thrilled to learn that Mike drained the budget to reunite the 372 Players, that Mike scores, um, pretty, pretty well on the Real or Fanfic challenge. There’s tons of Dumb Sentences and Conor dives to the dark web. But let’s not bury the lead here (no, not lede, let’s no…
 
So many words, so many of them “monster”! A jam-packed episode: Conor sails through several Sonic Challenges Mike, ahem, sails through Real or Fanfic Our listeners mail in and we steal it Believe it or not there are plenty of Dumb Sentences. There are GOFFS! (get it?) Special thanks to our patreon supporters! Get every episode early and other great…
 
Mike and Conor try to make sense of this madness. They come up empty. Still, there are highlights: Conor does a sonic challenge sexily. Mike manages not to follow a single plot point. The Dumb Sentences of the Week burst forth like milk and honey from the promised land. (Dumb despite the great work from Raven and Medusa!) PLUS This ep compares our …
 
Conor is able to somehow follow the plot of My Immortal! A power that comes in handy when having to explain it to Mike who views it as somewhat more abstruse than the Voynich manuscript. A packed if mercifully briefer episode than last time we steal mail (including some amazing mash-ups by our listeners), Mike fails spectacularly at Real Fanfic or …
 
The artists/works to which we compare this 2006 fanfic include: Shakespeare, several times Dickens Sir Arthur Conan Doyle The Bible Thelonius Monk And more! Conor unveils his Cockney > accent, and it is QUITE something. Also, we open with an audio recording of one of the first meetings between Mike and Conor and it turns out to be shockingly pres…
 
The Irishman is envious of the length of this podcast. But there was so much to talk about! While Susan sits dazed, stupefied, sooty, unsure of where she is, what she’s doing, how math works, and whether or not she’ll ever get to Stone Manor, the revolting men around her solve the problems posed by E. Tankado. Join us on Patreon to get every episod…
 
The Brownisms are coming fast and furious now, like chapters in a Dan Brown book! Conor does Real or Fanfic, we Steal People’s Mail, there are Dumb Sentences galore and Mike discovers the original ending of The Fugitive! And we meet a ninety-pound live wire! Join us on Patreon to get every episode early, plus bonus eps, Meet the Authors segments, c…
 
Looking for good writing in a Dan Brown book is a lot like looking for a sock in a bedroom the size of Texas while sewage spews forth out of a crystal decanter. And this section of DIGITAL FORTRESS is no exception. As the book theoretically reaches the stage where it will have a point, questions still remain such as: Who should we trust, Hale or St…
 
Victor Hugo just texted Dan Brown, “Dude, back it down on the chapters, man! It’s not a contest.” Tolstoy throws in a, “Yeah, cut it out, man.” Yes, the sparse words continue to spill out on the increasing number of pages of Dan Brown’s “Digital Fortress” so Conor and Mike can only counter it with more of their words. All the departments are here: …
 
This episode begins with the introduction of possibly the greatest character in the history of the podcast (apologies to Bleriana, Jack Star, and the Robot Pimp) Greg Hale. He enters like a bull, in all his ogling, olive oil swigging, convicted murderer glory. From there we’ll move on to international intrigue, tired stereotypes, Idiot Switch theor…
 
Man, so much to talk about and so so much is talked about!!* Highlights: A withered naked old woman struggles with a bedpan. The smell of urine is in the air. Are the two things connected? You’ll have to listen to find out. All of our heroes (or are they heroes [SFX tension sting]?) chuckle a lot. Like, vastly more than even that friend-of-a-friend…
 
A straightforward Dan Brown thriller, if by straightforward you mean vastly underpaid Georgetown professors sticking their heads into drinking fountains and forcing their strange dietary habits on unwitting squash partners. We also hear from some experts on language and cryptography (and general human behavior, for that matter) about the many many …
 
Alas, today we finish Moon People by Dale M. Courtney. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve eaten cheddar bay biscuits at Red Lobster and then gotten busy as hell afterwards. But there’s only one way to bring this saga to a close: run the thing into a ditch and hitchhike away from it when it’s still smoldering! Yes, anyone who was hoping for a satisfy…
 
In the middle third of Moon People our hero David Braymer… does NOT go to the moon, or meet people from the moon. But fittingly for this number episode, he does get busy as hell! Following what must have been the most erotic Red Lobster dinner in all of recorded history, Cheral is consumed with lust by her Rocket Man, who remains extremely casual a…
 
Hey, there he is! The shadow has lifted from the moon, and from our souls, and MOON PEOPLE is the glorious result! There’s so much to discuss here, so pledge to yourselves and to God that you won’t tell anyone else about it and we’ll get started! There’s: -DMC’s never before seen method of writing dialogue -What is a 222? -Differences between print…
 
Here it is, the 11th bad book we’re going to read together. It’s going to be way more enjoyable than Shadow Moon. This short announcement was part of a longer Patreon exclusive mailbag, our supporters have been reading the book for a week already. Lucky them! You can join the fun here: patreon.com/372pages Book 11 is available in paperback and on k…
 
452 pages, 2 blood whips, and one StagLord later, we have finished SHADOW MOON by George Lucas and Chris Claremont. Much like Thorn/Willow, we are now very tired. Unlike our protagonist, we’ve been lying on the floor for three hours now (being tired) but it has not yet granted us permission to enter. There’s a ton to talk about in this last episode…
 
A shocking Very Special Episode! A first in the history of the podcast, possibly a first for any podcast! The smelly, repugnant, filth-caked, farm-animal-of-a-girl Elora is discussed at length which leads to not one BUT two shocking bathroom tales from Mike and Conor! (Can you get that from Conan’s podcast, I think not?!) All the departments are he…
 
Happy new year everyone! A new decade has dawned and we are still reading Shadow Moon. In this segment, to the author’s credit, some stuff actually happens! Unfortunately what happens is that a nude otter-man crashes through the roof of a tavern and the sacred princess takes a dump. Fortunately, we’re able to gain more insight into the dynamic betw…
 
Mike and Conor have a pretty straightforward discussion about how Thorn née Willow formerly “the floor” kinda sorta transforms into The Demon / A Dragon / Some Stones / a Liquid Mass of His Own Melted Organs / Some Shards / A Mountain / a Swimmer / a Fish, etc., and in that state puffs air into the demon’s daughter who may or may not be Elora, and …
 
A jam-packed episode made all the more thrilling because Mike’s computer crashed twice while making it. Was it ensorcelled by a HardDriveHeron with CrashCharms? We may never know. What else? Pretty straightforward, nothing really stands out — Oh, wait: Willow becomes a floor. I think that’s pretty self-explanatory. If you enjoy the podcast, please …
 
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