There are 17 school days and 23 regular days left on my sentence. Every day, I wake up imbued with the spirit of movie version William Wallace. FREEDOM!!!!! IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.com…

She’s currently on an expedition at one of the globe’s poles, and I greatly miss her. Will I stay under the heat dome of climate change for true love or follow through with my plans to escape this dusty hellhole? IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http:/…

“Why did I let this happen?” I said to myself in a face-palm, the second I saw a full blown bag lady. She was wearing some kind of sheet-like dress, green crocs, and sporting stringy weird-looking hair. Her lumpy face (heavily filtered in the photos I had seen) was in fact missing an eye. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thir…

The funny thing about taking tighty whities into battle, the couple of times I’ve tried, is that women don’t quite know how to unwrap the goods. White briefs are almost a chastity belt more so than their colored compatriots. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour emplo…

I grapple with the ethics of stealing $5 from my dad's wallet. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

I can't bring myself to accept an offer. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

I let my friend down at a pivotal moment. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

I met a 25yo Tiki goddess who fetishized me for being old. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

The new year brings new challenges. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

I will never forgive McDonald’s. Capitalism. COVID. And a muscle-mommy. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

She called off a pizza porno, but why? IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

Scotia Group delivers. I upset Target team members. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

Scotia Group screws me again. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

I met a woman who works at a grocery store, and as a sex worker, and she stealthed me! Wtf. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

Fifty adults were asked to find a partner and play Rock, Paper, Scissors. The loser of every pair was supposed to fall in line behind the winner, and begin chanting the winner’s name. This continues until two winners meet, both leading a human centipede of 24 losers chanting their name, for the final Rock, Paper, Scissors. Well, I accidentally won.…

I met the ultimate Manic Pixie Dream Girl during spring break while she was vacationing in Arizona. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

A cosplayer invites me to her bedroom sight unseen. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

I ruin a pair of tighty whities. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

A busy young woman asks me to meet her in a hotel room in the city where she works. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

I was on a date at one of Tucson’s three malls, and sometime between dinner at that generic chain restaurant and bowling at that arcade that plays royalty free music I felt a familiar, but feared judder in my stomach. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment h…

This is my therapy journal to make sense of all the L's we took during the COVID-19 years and beyond. While I suffer from being an unexceptional late thirties male, I know I'm lucky enough not to reroll if the button was ever offered to me. Please listen to my experience and reach out if you want! IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional …

First, I lose my job and my home, then the COVID-19 pandemic happens, and finally I meet the woman of my dreams (but there's a catch). IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

I revisit getting picked on for wearing tighty whities and being a virgin. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

I want to blow the whistle on that Arizona charter high school. Seriously email me if you’re a reporter, and I’ll tell you which school I worked at that still commits an egregious amount of credit fraud while abusing its teachers. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour…

New policies make my current foster care job unsafe, so I leave without a plan. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

My upstairs neighbors are hillbillies, and we frequently clash. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

I pay rent to live with a Jewish landlady, but my other housemate is the fattest man alive. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

Trigger warning: Sexual assault. A former coworker, now roommate, starts initiating sex without my consent. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

I pay a small fee to substitute teach so I can save enough money to escape my captor. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

Some people are called to teaching, and I guess I was, too, because I heard a desperate radio commercial saying I could be hired with no qualifications. Way to go, Arizona. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.com…

This gringo is very lucky to get adopted into a big Mexican work-family. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

Businesswoman sends me to Chicago for certification in the Adolescent Community Reinforcement Approach (A-CRA) to substance abuse counseling. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

For a brief period of time, I enjoyed good coworkers, easy responsibilities, luxury surroundings, and a walkable fried chicken restaurant. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

I don’t know if I’m clairvoyant or just pessimistic, but I knew COVID-19 was going to be bad the first time I saw it in the news. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

Businesswoman never showed prior signs of being a dumbass. The COVID-19 pandemic brought our her worst. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

Businesswoman fires me for telling her I am going to quit in the near future. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

Until the COVID-19 pandemic, I had never before vacationed worry-free for months on end. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

A very sexy woman wants to break quarantine to spend the night with me, but I tell her I'm a virgin to buy time and put off catching COVID-19. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

When the unemployment ran out, I became an unexceptional teacher in Arizona. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

Principal Hillbilly is the villain of the Hummingbird Academy, and she totally botched the COVID-19 school year. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

The days were long and painful. Only a handful of us at the Hummingbird Academy acted like COVID-19 was real. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

Despite COVID-19 being a fiercely contagious virus, the Hummingbird Academy's faculty really wants to engage in social gathering and a Halloween door decorating contest. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.com…

The Hummingbird Academy has more problems than just the COVID-19 pandemic. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

Despite the COVID-19 pandemic, I makeout with the Hummingbird Academy's curriculum supervisor to disastrous consequences. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

The Hummingbird Academy needs a new yearbook teacher. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

Arizona finally reaches the COVID-19 vaccine priority group that includes teachers. Hallelujah! IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

Following a knife fight at the Hummingbird Academy, I take charge of the student body's mental and emotional healthcare. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

I lean into the Hummingbird Academy's rampant fraud and abuse, and give away as much high school credit as I can. You're welcome, kids! IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

I prepare to leave the Hummingbird Academy by guiding a young rapper to stardom. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade

I go on my first date since receiving the COVID-19 vaccine, and immediately meet the woman of my dreams. IT’S BEST IF YOU DON’T REACH OUT The unexceptional late thirties male against COVID-19, genital herpes, and $18 an hour employment http://bestifyoudont.comBy Jason Kinkade