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Hello my little bubelehs! Grab a bagel & schmear, a cup of coffee, and come on an auditory adventure with your favorite schlemiel & schlimazel duo, Matt and Carl. You’ll hear embarrassing stories from our lives, discussions about current events, and the occasional gem of Jewish knowledge in between the jokes and tangents. We hope you enjoy. Send your kvetches to thedailymort@gmail.com or TheDailyMort on IG and remember: Call your mother!
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Matt's grandma plays matchmaker (he requested trashy hookers and she delivered. He paid them in Bitcoin). Carl & Matt are team Pedialyte over Gatorade. And Matt got sexually harassed in the Metaverse at work. No, the workplace sexual harassment training did not cover this. Be sure to follow us on IG @TheDailyMort, email your stories to thedailymort…
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It's late. I'm tired. You're not reading this anyway. It's the second episode of the second year of Mornings with Morty, published on 2/22/2022. Big 2 energy. That means nothing in Judaism but it's a thing on everyone's calendar right now and by the time you hear this episode, the excitement will have passed. What would the hosts do for a million d…
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It's the (very delayed) first episode of 2022, habibis. YEAR TWO OF MORNINGS WITH MORTY! And it is THE YEAR OF CHUTZPAH. We recorded a while ago so I can't remember everything, but I know we talked Jewish representation/"Jew-face"/Jewish stereotypes, names, and images; the hostage situation at a Dallas-Fort Worth synagogue, and combating antisemiti…
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Yeah, we didn't get the episode out in time for Christmas. Sue me. But it's the 25th episode! Carl has taken up mall walking with ankle weights. His dad gets hit on in the lox aisle at Trader Joe's. Matt always has a crush on lesbians and was left emotionally ravaged by Spider-Man: No Way Home. There are some spoilers if you haven't seen it, but we…
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We recorded this so long ago I can't even remember what we talked about. You have no idea what I went through to get this episode out to you guys. We've got one more coming before the end of the year. Listen, share, subscribe. Tell everyone at your New Year's Eve party about us. Give us a follow on IG @TheDailyMort and email your holiday conundrums…
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WE'RE BACK, BABY! Reunited and it feels so good. Carl & Matt, the most iconic podcast duo since Springsteen & Obama, with 0% as many DUIs. Matt's dating life is up for debate. Lotta matches, zero girlfriends. Is he too picky or simply undateable? ¿Porqué no los dos? Follow us on IG @TheDailyMort and email thedailymort@gmail.com to let us know what …
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Grown men on electric scooters. A ride in the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. OnlyFans trying to be less HOLEsome and more WHOLEsome. We've got it all in episode 22. This episode is brought to you by Rudy Giuliani's OnlyFans--use code MELTINGG1ULIANI for 69% off. Listen. Share. Subscribe. Submit to the cult. Tell everyone at your Rosh Hashanah dinner to …
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Queens of the Night (OR: "Does this water taste like c*m?")
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A wet and wild one for episode 21. Air travel is too accessible, we have inappropriate conversations with our families, and we're secretly both white trash. Give us a follow on IG @TheDailyMort and let us know the most white trash thing about YOU in our comments or in an email to thedailymort@gmail.com. Listen, share, repeat until our Cult de Mort …
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Carl is BACK, baby! We're reunited and it feels so good. We even meet a new character, Klaus the Klutz. As always, this episode is brought to you by Levine's Kosher Lasers--WHEN YOU NEED PRECISION, GET A SPACE CIRCUMCISION! Today, we drink vodka with our comrades and talk about how nauseating social media is. Still need some fan feedback on the All…
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Matt's all alone on this one and boy, do we miss Carl! In keeping with the title of the episode, Matt talks about doing stuff alone around the city and why it's not weird unless you make it weird (sometimes he makes it weird). Listen, share, subscribe, let us know what you think (leave a review on Apple Podcasts). Give us a follow on IG @TheDailyMo…
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We're back and better than ever! Carl really comes out of his shell today as we do some couple's therapy and talk about Matt's dating life. We also founded asq.com and I'm so glad you all get to share that moment with us. There is a LOT of singing in this episode! Thanks for listening, we love our little bubelehs like Matt loves Hilary Duff. Follow…
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WE'RE BACK! Hilary Duff is a MILF. Matt had a wild 4th of July, we love freedom. Carl still can't pronounce "milk" and Matt is a full-time bartender now. Carl has an assistant named Douglas, but also Carl is now named Carl Douglass and he's a direct descendant of Frederick Douglass. Stay thicc. Follow us on IG @TheDailyMort and send us those emails…
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Laundry. Locksmiths. Love. A tale of clean clothes, a prison of my own design, and extortion. Yallah, habibi, we must listen. Follow us on IG @TheDailyMort. Email thedailymort@gmail.com. Tell five friends to tell five friends and leave us a review somewhere. Zei gezunt and l'chaim and stay thicc. (Shout out again to Nissim Black and The Hava Song w…
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*Due to technical difficulties, this episode is out two weeks after recording* Today we're talking about Israel, ignorant antisemitic people, and the death penalty--because we wanted this to be an ESPECIALLY happy and wholesome episode for all our listeners. Follow us on IG @TheDailyMort, subscribe to the pod, email thedailymort@gmail.com and let u…
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Matt's cousin, Alaina Warren Zachary, joins us to talk about her experience as a Broadway actress. Carl tries, yet again, to diagnose Matt's personality disorder--it's an ongoing mystery. You can find Alaina at https://www.crankeyvillagetv.com/. Special shout out to our friend Hailey Susser and Quik Return (https://www.quikreturns.com/). As always,…
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Mazel tov, Morty, it's episode 13! In Judaism, that officially makes this a real podcast! Matt's grandma has started a new religion and you're all his disciples, congratulations. Levine's Kosher Lasers makes its return as we debate inhabiting the moon and Mars, we briefly discuss psychedelics, and end with a very wholesome conversation about lepros…
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Comedian Kevin Dombrowski (host Just Joking, comedy album High on Molly, @KevinDombrowskiComedy on IG) joins us to talk about the Deshaun Watson massage scandal. Of course, the Passover Pocket P*ssy makes a return and now Kevin is convinced that it's a Jewish tradition to do unsavory things with gefilte fish. Check out Kevin, give him a listen and …
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Today's episode is brought to you by Fleshlight. If you've had a few glasses of QAnon Wine Club's Kid-Saving Chianti and you're feeling lonely, Fleshlight is the perfect companion for you. It's also the perfect sponsor for an episode about Passover and our best pandemic purchases. As always, give us a follow on IG @TheDailyMort and send your emails…
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Carl is too proud to call his local coffee shop's drink by its real name. Matt is scared of middle school girls. The most hypermasculine things are sometimes the gayest. Let's go for a schvitz and talk it out. Give us a follow on IG @TheDailyMort, email us thedailymort@gmail.com, and please leave us a great review on Apple Podcasts! --- Send in a v…
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Cuomo is a creep. Carl's classmate is a bully. Matt still needs a new cohost. Baker Mayfield saw a UFO and we believe in aliens. Matt goes off about listeners being offended, while Carl is open to a discussion if you feel wronged by him. We finally discuss the golden calf that we've been teasing for so long. Follow us on IG @TheDailyMort, email us …
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Carl's dad has a birthday coming up and he's raising money to help out in Texas, check out feedingtexas.org if you want to make a donation to help those affected by the storms and struggling with hunger. And now on to the episode! Super fun one, a little longer--much to discuss. Pakistani rollerblade police: Better or worse than a bike cop? Marjori…
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Episode 7! It was Carl's birthday! Some mother in Texas executed a perfect form tackle to take down a perv spying on her 15-year-old daughter! Mama bears will protect their kids at all costs! They'll also roast them endlessly. Jewish mothers are masters of microaggression--inspired by Judy Gold (@jewdygold) and her book Yes, I Can Say That. Shout o…
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Part two of our episode with Indigo Ross (@starring_indigo on social)! We pick up where we left off with some conversations about Black-Jewish relations (DeSean Jackson, Nick Cannon, and Zach Banner). Huge shout out to Zach Banner, please consider the B3 Foundation for any future donations that you're making! Along the way, we learn about Indigo's …
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Our first guest! Indigo Ross (comedienne & voice actress; @starring_indigo on IG & Twitter) joins Matt & Carl to discuss vaccine elitists, the Gorilla Glue Girl from Twitter/IG, natural hair in the Black community, and briefly discuss the Black-Jewish Entertainment Alliance. Part two coming next week! As always, please be sure to give us a follow o…
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COVID is a Choose Your Own Adventure Book
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In this episode, brought to you by Levine's Kosher Lasers, Matt & Carl discuss a COVID scare for Matt (does he have it? Does he not? The doctors basically said "You decide!"), Marjorie Taylor Greene's theory that Jews have lasers in space, the Super Bowl (which I don't think I officially have the rights to say here, but I pray for the day this podc…
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THIS MAY BE ONE FOR THE PARENTS TO SKIP!
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Moses Continues: Revenge of the Moses
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In this episode, brought to you by MyPillow, Matt & Carl discuss a listener submission about Ashkenazi Jewish foods, talk about Jews from the Old Country, break down the Armie Hammer cannibal kink drama, and continue with Moses' wild ride in the pyramid scheme of Egypt. Buckle up, share with a friend or a cousin, and be sure to send your submission…
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Brought to you by QAnon Wine Subscription, in this episode Matt and Carl discuss the Cleveland Browns' first playoff appearance in 18 years, the significance of the number 18 in Judaism, a story submission of a non-kosher brunch date between a Heeb and a goy, God being an accountant, and Moses' origin story as Batman. It's a really fun one so check…
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Matt and Carl introduce you to Morty, share their Jewish motherly advice on how they'd handle a mask conflict, and discuss what we can learn from this week's parsha, which Matt really only understands as a rough outline of Joseph & the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat.--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-…
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